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Bad manners

Natalie1974

Well-Known Member
Messages
871
Location
Kent
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Before I begin...I should warn you that this is no more than a rant...just need to offload.

So today we had a 21st birthday in our office. As is the norm we bought a cake...card etc. Shortly before I left for the day...as I always do at 4.30...the cake was rolled out to a chorus of 'Happy Birthday'...we watched her blow out her candles and open her gifts and being her 21st it was a nice occasion and we were all having a good laugh together. Then...the girl cutting the cake went round the office and offered everyone a slice of cake...everyone...except me

We work in a tiny open plan office...there are only 6 of us in today anyway...but I was deliberately overlooked. I know I shouldn't let this get to me...but it really did. OK...yes I follow a fairly low carb diet and they are all pretty much aware of this...and generally speaking I would usually turn down the offer of a slice of cake anyway...but not to even offer is just plain rude in my opinion and left me feeling really quite hurt. I'm type 1...I have insulin and on the odd occasion...especially a 21st birthday...I'm more than prepared to use it...especially when the cake looks as delicious as this one did

I know I probably should've said something...but to be honest...I didn't really know what to say so I said nothing and just packed up and left them to munch through their cake...but it has really left me feeling quite excluded and hurt...it upsets me to think that people think it's ok to treat people like that...even if I hadn't wanted some cake...it would've been nice to be asked.
 
Quite right too - whether she thought she was helping by not offering - taking the decision out of your hands was totally wrong we're adults and can make our own decisions!!

Sent from my SM-G920F using Diabetes.co.uk Forum mobile app
 
Oh hun I'm so sorry you've had such a bad day.

This happened to me once. A lady at work brought a cupcake for everybody accept me. As if that wasn't bad enough someone asked why she hadn't brought me one and she said loud enough for the whole shop floor to hear "she's got diabetes and isn't allowed. It's a shame really because they're delicious!"
I was heartbroken and embarrassed.
I did the same as you and went home silently but the next day I did say something.
I pulled the woman aside and told her how she'd made me feel and she was very apologetic and said she didn't mean to upset me.
I think people do it so that we don't feel awkward about turning it down.

Maybe you could politely tell her how you felt?
It's our duty to educate these buffoons at times!

Claire x


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Natalie1974 said:
OK...yes I follow a fairly low carb diet and they are all pretty much aware of this...and generally speaking I would usually turn down the offer of a slice of cake anyway
Click to expand...

Perhaps their intentions were good after-all @Natalie1974 , if they know you follow a low-carb diet and have turned down the offer of cake before she maybe didn't want to make you feel awkward by offering you a slice, of course I may be way off the mark here but it's a possibility and something to think about.
 
Maybe you could 'casually' mention it to another colleague in the hope that the message gets passed on, and it won't happen in future?

I understand why you were upset - I'd have been hurt too. Just try to think the best of the person who missed you out - eg maybe they were embarrassed or uncertain? People can do weird things sometimes because they don't think.

Or maybe you could take in your own gigantic cake, share it round and miss that person out Only joking, of course, but perhaps taking in some 'goodies' and handing them out and eating one yourself would be another way to emphasise you can eat cake.

Hope you're feeling better about it now X
 
I'm pretty sure it was done with the best of intentions, but that doesn't make it any better for you, does it?

I am sure that she would be mortified if she knew she'd upset you, so I'd have a quiet word with someone (maybe the colleague that you get on best with?) and ask them to explain to everyone else that, particularly if it's to celebrate a special occasion, you allow yourself the occasional treat and that it's perfectly OK to offer you some cake which you may, or may not accept depending on how your bloods are doing. I know this is a simplification of the real situation but it avoids lots of complicated explanations.

Being T2 and controlling it with diet and exercise I can't really share your experience about this but I have educated my friends and colleagues to understand that I may have an occasional bit of cake but that they mustn't be offended if either (a) I refuse it or (b) I just have a very small bit (the usual state of affairs)because the time's not right for full-on indulgence. Works for me, although several of them still think cauliflower rice is a hissing and abomination.
 
I know I'm not T1 and insulin controlled but I see it from exactly the opposite perspective. I think it is very thoughtful of people not to offer you a slice of cake. People who know me well never offer me anything high carb. I prefer to avoid the temptation. Only on Sunday we were invited to a birthday celebration with a nice dry Prossecco, which I drank, and a huge sticky birthday cake, I was also not offered a slice.

Because I'm a bit strange, I actually like to have a tiny bit of birthday cake, wedding cake etc 'for luck' - so when the host had finished slicing I went over and said 'Can I just have a teaspoonful'. Her response, "Get just what you want", and I did, a 1cm cube, just enough to taste and my portion of good luck!

Your colleague was probably trying to be kind, not mean to you.

The general public are getting a little bit more aware of carb restriction, surely that's a good thing?
 
Where I work we have a couple of diabetics and a ceoliac so cake isnt really an option for those. What we do though is provide chocolate for the ceoliac (without biscuit) and fruit for the diabetics. So whoever has the birthday supplies this for the people in question. You do find the non diabetics tend to try and eat the fruit as well as the cake when there are usuallly 3 to 6 cakes for the people that want it.

I'd have a quiet word and just say you would like to be given the option of whether you want cake or not. After all only you know your diabetes
 

I think the point is that we shouldn't be policing other people nor anticipating what they might need or want on that particular occasion. I don't doubt that no offence was meant, but it's understandable that @Natalie1974 was upset at not being offered at least, even if she chose to say No.

I often do as you do, and ask for a small slice or half a chunk of cake or whatever is being offered, but it's nice to be able to make that decision for myself
 
It's difficult isn't it. I get the other perspective and that perhaps she thought she was being helpful in helping me avoid temptation...but if being helpful in this way then has a knock on effect of making the other person feel excluded from the majority...then it takes away from what they're trying to achieve. The choice needs to be offered...I wouldn't ever dream of making any kind of decision for anyone else at any point...so why is it ok for someone else to decide if I can or can't have cake.
I will have a quiet word with her at some point...but being a small office it's quite difficult...I'll wait for a suitable opportunity
 
@Natalie1974 I think you are very mature about your upset.
1. This is a form of bullying. (Making you feel excluded from what other work collegues are included in).
2. I have always took my portion and sometimes wrapped it to be eaten later, when hypoing etc. Then gave it to my children instead.
3. I've experienced similiar but they didn't dare not offer me my share as I cannot abide by bullying and my collegues knew that.
Maybe I'm just over compensating for a bullied childhood.

On this occasion I'd give them the benefit of the doubt but educate them, as not right. (Hugs)
 
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