My step daughter who was 3 when I met her mother was diagnosed with diabetes when she was 11, I know it is said that diabetes is not hereditary, but my step daughter’s biological father also had diabetes and through his continued bad dieting and drinking ended up blind and with a kidney transplant and died at age 51 two years ago, my step daughter had contact with her father all through the years and indeed did have a fairly good relationship with him right up until his death, through her relationship with her father she was witness to all his health problems and new the reasons why he had these problems, so she had a firsthand knowledge of what could befall her if she chose not to follow a balanced diet and take care of herself. Ok she moved out from home and set herself up in a flat, I know we all worry about our children but I had nagged my daughter through the years because if not she would eat things she shouldn’t, I became a single parent to her when she was 12 and also got full custody of her younger sister as well, my step daughter is now 27 but continues to worry me in fact I am beside myself, despite seeing her father go blind and all his other health problems due to his terrible management of his diabetes, my daughter has continued to eat everything she shouldn’t and 5 weeks ago I took her to hospital to what I thought was a check up, and over heard the doctor saying to her that he thought he would be unable to save her right eye, so now I am aware of her true condition her problem with her eyes is very serious and the same problem that made her father blind and is self inflicted, I could not believe it, my daughter has since had an operation on her eye, I spoke to the doctor and he told me I doubt she will regain any sight in that eye, I asked about her other eye he told me I have used the laser on the eye and it is not as bad as her right eye and with careful management could be ok. I have spoken to my daughter and told her if she continues on this path she will without doubt go blind. But she just carries on her own stupid way I simply cannot understand why.
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Blindness
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Fallenstar
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Hi Discovery
Very sad story and I can understand how worried you must be. It is so difficult to sit by and watch someone destroy their life and feel so helpless to be able to do anything about it.
From just reading what you have written, do you think that your step daughter could be very depressed. What with the loss of her Biological Father and coping with Diabetes ,a disease which she saw kill her father. Maybe it all just seems so hopeless to her now and she is on that very black downward spiral where she just does not care at all about herself anymore, and feels she is not worth taking care of .
I would try and get her to see her GP and try and get her to discuss her feelings with someone who she can trust. GP's are very good at treating co-morbidity , maybe just being able to talk things through away from the pressure of Diabetes might help her to put things into perspective...we all lose it from time to time, but hopefully there will be some help for her out there. I'm sure with the situation with her Father and her eyes now she will be feeling very bleak and probably very much in denial aswell...and a lot of whats the point
I really hope you and she can get the help...did she have bereavement counselling when her Father passed. This may help now?
Very sad story and I can understand how worried you must be. It is so difficult to sit by and watch someone destroy their life and feel so helpless to be able to do anything about it.
From just reading what you have written, do you think that your step daughter could be very depressed. What with the loss of her Biological Father and coping with Diabetes ,a disease which she saw kill her father. Maybe it all just seems so hopeless to her now and she is on that very black downward spiral where she just does not care at all about herself anymore, and feels she is not worth taking care of .
I would try and get her to see her GP and try and get her to discuss her feelings with someone who she can trust. GP's are very good at treating co-morbidity , maybe just being able to talk things through away from the pressure of Diabetes might help her to put things into perspective...we all lose it from time to time, but hopefully there will be some help for her out there. I'm sure with the situation with her Father and her eyes now she will be feeling very bleak and probably very much in denial aswell...and a lot of whats the point
I really hope you and she can get the help...did she have bereavement counselling when her Father passed. This may help now?
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discovery said:
Unfortunately there's not much you can do for those who don't want to help themselves, you could ask your step-daughter to join a diabetes forum to share her experiences and ask for advice from those who have been down that road...... should she choose too.
Best wishes!
Fallenstar
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Hi Discovery
Sometimes it takes a bit more footwork and banging on a few more doors to get the right help. Try your GP again and see if there is more they can do.
My DSN's are great at treating/ helping people with depression and Diabetes, peop0le are individuals who react to things in different ways, as hard as it may seem not to judge. She still needs the extra help and maybe a "change of tack" to get through to her and hopefully set her on the right path.
Don't give up, you will hopefully be there for her as it sounds like you care immensely and it would be a crime for her to go the same way as her Father , but ultimately, sometimes all the help in the world cannot help some people to a better understanding.
I feel for you, a very hard situation to be in. I wish you and your daughter all the luck in the world.
Sometimes it takes a bit more footwork and banging on a few more doors to get the right help. Try your GP again and see if there is more they can do.
My DSN's are great at treating/ helping people with depression and Diabetes, peop0le are individuals who react to things in different ways, as hard as it may seem not to judge. She still needs the extra help and maybe a "change of tack" to get through to her and hopefully set her on the right path.
Don't give up, you will hopefully be there for her as it sounds like you care immensely and it would be a crime for her to go the same way as her Father , but ultimately, sometimes all the help in the world cannot help some people to a better understanding.
I feel for you, a very hard situation to be in. I wish you and your daughter all the luck in the world.
Thank you so much for you comments I appreciate what you have said, I will not give up on her I speak to her every evening on the phone, she has another appointment with the eye specialist in about 3 weeks, and I will have a word with him and ask him if he can impress on her the gravity of the situation.
I wonder if she has given up, thinking blindness is inevitable? I was lucky, I had a serious amount of laser, aged 25...but it did make me change my ways. i am 39 now, and can still see fine, and since then have had a family etc. I wonder if your daughter needs some encouragment... carrot rather than stick? I am not saying that you are not doing teh right thing, but speaking as one, whose parent was concenredn about them, sometimes it feels like nagging...and if you think there is nothing you can do, you just shut down. I wonder if you could get some help, in showing her that this is not the next step to blindness, but she has hope, and can lead a life she wants??
Stupid as it sounds it's very easy to ignore the condition as that is so much easier than dealing with it... I had terrible control for years and only a close shave in hospital opened my eyes and forced me to act.
I would agree with Sugar2 that telling someone what they can't do is only re-enforcing a negative.. I would definitely go with her next visit and make a fuss at the hospital to get the help required.. I also would try and sit down with her and agree a plan of action.. doesn't have to be big measures.. start small.. like testing a couple of times a day.. taking insulin... etc...
I would agree with Sugar2 that telling someone what they can't do is only re-enforcing a negative.. I would definitely go with her next visit and make a fuss at the hospital to get the help required.. I also would try and sit down with her and agree a plan of action.. doesn't have to be big measures.. start small.. like testing a couple of times a day.. taking insulin... etc...
This is my first post here and I know the original post was a while ago but it struck a cord with me. I think both sugar2 and Pneu have hit the nail on the head. I think your stepdaughter has watched her own father's downward spiral and consciously or subconsciously decided that this is what it means to be diabetic and that this is what is going to happen to her. I speak from a little experience here, I'm nearly 27 and diabetic for 23 years and have had problems controlling my diabetes.
She needs to realise that she has a problem, but she also needs to have enough hope that she can feel that any changes she makes will make a real difference. She might be feeling doomed right now, and it's hard to break yourself out of that cycle. If you're doomed anyway what's the point in trying right? You need to start with baby steps, like start testing your blood sugar again, or if you're going to eat that mars bar maybe take some insulin with it this time.
Also this girl has lost her dad. Not last month or last year but I don't think that makes a difference. My mother's death seven years ago made me want to take care of myself (she wasn't diabetic), but the trauma and depression that followed her death meant that I found it really hard to motivate myself. It has taken me years to try to get things back on track and I'm still not there yet.
It's plain to see you're frustrated with your stepdaughter, which is understandable under the circumstances and obviously motivated out of love and fear for her health. However it can be difficult to deal with this just between yourselves, because of the emotion involved. She may deal better with strangers. One thing which really helped me was that I moved doctors - I had moved to a different part of the country and I told the new one everything I really felt, was honest about what I was and wasn't doing, and started with a clean slate. We bad diabetics can be sneaky about things, and often the hardest thing is to own up to yourself.
Don't know if any of that is helpful, just thought I'd share.
She needs to realise that she has a problem, but she also needs to have enough hope that she can feel that any changes she makes will make a real difference. She might be feeling doomed right now, and it's hard to break yourself out of that cycle. If you're doomed anyway what's the point in trying right? You need to start with baby steps, like start testing your blood sugar again, or if you're going to eat that mars bar maybe take some insulin with it this time.
Also this girl has lost her dad. Not last month or last year but I don't think that makes a difference. My mother's death seven years ago made me want to take care of myself (she wasn't diabetic), but the trauma and depression that followed her death meant that I found it really hard to motivate myself. It has taken me years to try to get things back on track and I'm still not there yet.
It's plain to see you're frustrated with your stepdaughter, which is understandable under the circumstances and obviously motivated out of love and fear for her health. However it can be difficult to deal with this just between yourselves, because of the emotion involved. She may deal better with strangers. One thing which really helped me was that I moved doctors - I had moved to a different part of the country and I told the new one everything I really felt, was honest about what I was and wasn't doing, and started with a clean slate. We bad diabetics can be sneaky about things, and often the hardest thing is to own up to yourself.
Don't know if any of that is helpful, just thought I'd share.
