Hi Annette
I know what a devastating effect a cancer diagnosis has on family and friends, I know that both McMillan and Cancerbackup give support to families of cancer patients, someone to talk to, also self-help type groups and telephone helplines. I know my husband was on his knees, he couldnt cope for a while at all, he is a clinical psychologist but found it so hard to talk, and he felt guilty about this, he knew his colleagues everyone would be there for him, but he was too embarrassed to ask for help there, but one day he did ring the McMillan helpline though he didnt tell anyone at the time, he wanted to be anonymous, but he told me later this was where he got his strength from. And sometimes it is good to talk to someone other than family and friends, sometimes we feel we are a burden to the family if we break up too, so we try to hold it all together, but of course something has to give eventually. I suggest that you give your son-in-law this information too, he might just call for support on the spur of the moment, in private, like my husband did.
I think it is very important that your daughter has regular meals to keep this diabetes lark in check, and with side effects of chemo she may not feel like eating at all, so nutritious fruit/veg smoothies can help there, just a few sips at a time, the Brohn Cancer help center will give you some really good advice with this, as I have said dont be shy, this is a time when you really need to draw upon all the help that is available, wherever or whoever it comes from. You need it right now, and then when your daughter is well again you as a family may want to give something back, doesnt have to be money, maybe voluntary work or anything or just raffle tickets at one of their fundraising events, every little counts, but that is in the future, now just please to and take and ask and beg for all you can, including help with bills if appropriate, the idea is that the less additional stress there is for your daughter and family the better you all can cope with concentrating on getting well again. makes sense doesnt it?
Another thing that helped me cope with side effects of chemo was those sea sickness wrist bands and also ginger, even if it is crystallized or boiled sweets, just not too many of course. If your daughter is losing hair there are pretty bandanas and some kind people to show her how to tie them and she will still look like a million dollars, I found I was allergic to wigs, so I had a special hair weave done, if you ever would like details about any of this please do get in touch, send me a PM.
Ask at the hospital if they offer the make over service,
http://www.lookgoodfeelbetter.co.uk, these lovely people have really helped a couple of my colleagues and friends, its all positive stuff there and so it should be but that doesnt mean that you and your daughter have to be strong all the time, oh no, you must also let all the emotions out, males as well as females, cry and shout and scream and swear and rant and rave at the unfairness of it all, because thats what it is, totally unfair!!!
Thinking of you
Karen x