Diabetic type 1 husband doesn't help himself

[busibee]

Does anyone have a suggestion on how to cope when a diabetic relative does everything to harm himself? My son and I have tried our very best to help my husband cope with his illness for 35years but he does everything to be awkward. He refuses to eat often and drinks alcohol instead. We are fairly kind;not perfect but very exasperated. We know that it doesn't need to be as despairing dreadful as he makes things for us around his diabetes!

 

[Fraddycat]

I do feel for you, but maybe now you should swap kindness for shock therapy ... you could ask your Dr or Diabetic Nurse to introduce him to someone who has had their foot amputated. I watched my grandmother deteriorate through diabetes, she went completely blind, suffered terrible neuropathy pains, and in the end had a stroke and died of a persistent kidney infection. The complications of diabetes are horrible.

However, its his body, he can choose what he wants to do with it - my husband smokes like a chimney even though I used to nag him that I don't want to nurse him through and finally lose him to lung cancer. It made no difference at all - maybe just ignoring it for a while might shake him up. It will certainly ease your stress levels if you decide to ignore it.

 

[busibee]

We have tried every sort of response to his drink excess and lack of care for his diabetes. He has always been very thin and never puts on any weight. His liver is fine according to the Diabetic nurses and apart from a little bit of laser treatment on his eyes, he gets off scot-free,complications-wise. He was put in a ward with amputees when he was first stabilized as a Diabetic 1 when he was 24 so he has always known what could happen to him if he doesn't take care of his diabetes. He is now proned to unawares and our son and I have to bring him round regularly to get abusive attitude from him. We would like to obtain some sort of co-operate response and behaviour so that we do not have chaos round us daily. It is wearing us out!

 

[Fraddycat]

Gosh that's so difficult, and awful for your son and you to deal with. I am not sure if you are going to get him to change by putting pressure on him from the outside, he has got to want to change from the inside, the same with any addictive type behaviour. You could always speak to your own GP for support and advice, they would know the right agencies for you to go to for help.

I'm really sorry - big hugs, keep strong. Jane

 

[Mileana]

He either needs treatment for his excessive and unhelpful drinking, or else he will not be able to do anything about the rest, if you ask me. Have you ever thought that he might be alcoholic or has that thought been pushed away?

As I interpret your situation, the diabetes is just secondary and it is really not a good combination, I agree, but I would pretty much tell him get treatment or else... You cannot talk to him when he is drunk, craving the next drink or just doesn't care because he is addicted physically or mentally to a drug that allows him to 'forget' and 'ah, when it doesn't work, I'll just have another drink'.

You need the good man sober first.

Alternatively, you need to set some very firm boundaries what you will accept in your house around your child, adult or not. Otherwise it will eat you up.

I do think though that the primary problem right here is not first and foremost his diabetes, and in any case, I don't think he will be able to get that under control until he has been sober for a while.

Sorry if I am out of line - I have seen couple family members drink themselves into massive amounts of trouble and leave this world early.

-M

 

[Deleted member 45091]

Hi, read your comments bet its like looking after another kid... ive had a slight similar experiance, iam 32 i must admit all through my late teens and 20s drank more than my fair share. Ive had diabetes around 22 years. At one stage could drink most days easy, my problem was it made me relax my sugars was ok and as it stands not had major problems. Liver kidneys feet blood pressure all ok no surgery on eyes yet and while i used to drink alot my sugars was always around 7mmol. So i sort of convinced my self ive seen alot worse diabetics with more problems than me etc etc and thought what i was doing was fine. As ive cut my drinking down my sugars have gone up and my HBA1c is around 10% also its hard sometimes because in the evenings i can feel a little sickly etc and a glass of wine and iam ok again. Didnt sort of realised my body over the years has become used to having a beer or 2. Realised its not fair on my partner drinking most of the time and decided to man up abit. It is hard though i dont wake up ever craving but when you have a beer etc and it relaxes you and makes you feel that bit better and gives you abit of a rest bite its hard to give it up. For me personally i was just having alot of insulin 2 injections a day and drinking beer kept my sugars low more than anything, as it stands still like a beer but cut down loads. For me i used to drink in the house alot in the evenings which was cheap. But i decided to do something simple like join a quiz at the local once a week with the family. It sounds basic but because i like a pint and i had something to look forward to i never bothered drinking as much in the house as i thought il just wait a few more days till get to the quiz, then when quiz night finally came round i found i didnt drink half what i used to. Dont get me wrong the odd occasion il still have the odd drink in the evening but on the whole alot better. One more thing is for me beer helped alot towards anxiety etc and when first cut down had it really bad getting better but you get there.

 

[Robinredbreast]

He either needs treatment for his excessive and unhelpful drinking, or else he will not be able to do anything about the rest, if you ask me. Have you ever thought that he might be alcoholic or has that thought been pushed away?

As I interpret your situation, the diabetes is just secondary and it is really not a good combination, I agree, but I would pretty much tell him get treatment or else... You cannot talk to him when he is drunk, craving the next drink or just doesn't care because he is addicted physically or mentally to a drug that allows him to 'forget' and 'ah, when it doesn't work, I'll just have another drink'.

You need the good man sober first.

Alternatively, you need to set some very firm boundaries what you will accept in your house around your child, adult or not. Otherwise it will eat you up.

I do think though that the primary problem right here is not first and foremost his diabetes, and in any case, I don't think he will be able to get that under control until he has been sober for a while.

Sorry if I am out of line - I have seen couple family members drink themselves into massive amounts of trouble and leave this world early.

-M

This sadly rings so true with the Alcohol. The person in question died this year, only 58, but not diabetic, and left an 11 year old, devastated. Boundaries are an excellent idea Mileana. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. He will only help himself if and when he wants to, but its going to take a lot of willpower and determination to succeed, but it CAN be done. You are in my thoughts and I wish you lots of luck for the even bumpier road which may lie ahead. Take care RRB