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Do you ever feel ashamed?

H

Holidaymad_

Member
I very rarely tell anybody that I am diabetic. I feel ashamed that I've done this to myself. I'm 31, I was diagnosed at 24 with gestational diabetes and subsequently type 2 post delivery. I was obese from the age of 19-21 of 15 stone. I am now a healthy weight of 9st 9lbs and take metformin. Hba1c's in the low 40's for the past 4 years (was higher when in denial from diagnosis 60's). I feel ashamed of my disease that it was my fault basically because I was a big fat greedy cow. I feel especially ashamed in the gym, I now go to the gym 5/6 days a week. I got a background retinopathy diagnosis a few weeks ago and the only person I have told is my husband. I feel so embarrassed to tell anybody because it is my fault, I think people will look at me and think that I deserved it from being obese in my younger years.

I am terrified as to what the future holds for me complications wise. I have a number in my head of 45 and hope to make it to this age before I die of a heart attack (my dad died at 43 of a heart attack).

Anybody else feel the same?

Anybody else diagnosed young in 20's? I've looked at the young section on here and they all seem to have type 1 not type 2.
 
No not really... well I was so obese initially and maybe my sedentary lifestyle and depressions was the cause of my diabetes... but.. ... there can be so many reasosn to become diabetic , some genetic, some from environmental pollution and some from bad luck and also some resons that we our self did loose the game of living in a top-healthy way.... but please don´t feel guilty stay in this forum among other people sharing your journey ... and do in your mind pack this feeling of guilt into a parcel and kick it to heaven .. and feel free again... nobody gets diabetes on purpose.... and not everybody get it just as easily as some do..
 
You CANNOT give yourself diabetes. It is NOT your fault. It is NOT your fault. It is NOT your fault.

Being diagnosed as T2 at such a young age is on the increase but still rare. The fact you are suffering with the side effects of high numbers would suggest to me you need to push for proper testing to find out exactly what type you are.

Time to force your health care providers to support you properly.
 
I really feel for you I'm so sorry you feel ashamed! But you have absolutely no reason to! You have clearly worked soooo hard and really took action for yourself and your family. It is unfortunate type 2 diabetes happened to you as there will be millions of people who had your lifestyle and are not type 2 diabetic. Anyway what happens happens and you are taking action! I can assure you that people at the gym will not judge you-there will be people there who have had their own fitness journey and will praise others for theirs. I feel bad for you because I have encountered these stereotypes. before being diagnosed type 1 diabetic they thought I was type 2 - this was because the (now retired thank goodness) doctor thought I was too old at 28 to be type 1. I had a year or so of blood results creeping up and up until I became quite ill. But every time the nurse rang she would say she wanted to see me in a patronising voice and then I would see the look of surprise at me being slim when I entered the room. I know she expected me to be eating cake and not exercising at all. They make so many assumptions about people! I feel guilty as well because when I did get type 1 diagnosis I felt better because I knew it wasn't my fault. This went along with the stereotyping and I shouldn't have thought that. It's easy for people or professionals to say if you hadn't done this or that you would be ok but that's not fair they aren't you. Don't be ashamed be proud -something happened to you you are dealing with it. Everyone has something they have to deal with - I know people who have had other health issues possibly because of diet or lifestyle - they go to the gym just like us and are proud to be getting better you should be too.
 
Thank you, all of your replies have made me cry. Maybe it's the media campaign of hate towards type 2 diabetes and constantly play the blame game of obese people crippling the NHS. It's an awful awful disease. I hate it.
 
My theory is (as I've said before) that some of the population are genetically programmed to have type 2 if the conditions are right. So, in the past when food was less available or people ate smaller meals, then not so many people developed it - but now that food is easily available and relatively cheap more of us are developing it. The other thing, of course, is that in the past diagnosis wasn't so straightforward as it is now and there were probably lots of people who had T2 but who never got diagnosed.

You shouldn't feel to blame for something that isn't your fault - and it definitely ISN'T your fault.
 
I know exactly what you mean. I was diagnosed 18 months ago and the only person I've told is my husband. People do judge. I was overweight at diagnosis (12 stone 10 lbs) and now weigh just over 10 stone. Only 2 of my friends are overweight, the rest are really slim and sporty.

I agree with the poster who said that probably some people have a predisposition to T2. My dad is T2 as was his mother. He hasn't addressed it and as a result is on loads of insulin and has lots of complications. He had a massive heart attack 15 years ago and has been disabled ever since.

I am determined not to be like my dad so have lost weight, got my HBA1C down from 97 to 37 (no meds) and intend to stay as healthy as possible for my kids.

You have done brilliantly at losing weight and being healthy. Keep up the good work.
 
Diabetes crept up on me when I became too complacent.
Maybe I made that mistake, but I cant change the past.
I did use it, like you, as motivation to lose weight, reverse the diabetes, and I have no complications.
I tell everyone I'm type 2, in conversation.
I'm self employed, and I also tell most of my customers, as it's quite common they, or a relative have diabetes.
I also usually explain why I don't eat the biscuits, or take sugar in my coffee
They're usually impressed by the weight loss if anything.
(And I've worked for them for years, from being morbidly obese to 'healthy')
I'm ok in the gym, I'm not the fittest, but we're all there to get fitter, so I figure the less fit you are, the more effort you're putting in, so the extra kudos for that.
I wasn't diagnosed until 50 though, (overweight for a while before that), that was 5 years ago, and I've had normal BG most of those 5 years, and still have no complications, or any other health issues.
 
I am pretty sure I had reactive hypoglycaemia back in my teens and 20s, after two bouts of taking antibiotics for extended periods - I have the really good suede miniskirts I used to wear back then - they have 24 inch waists.
Luckily, as my concerns were dismissed by the doctors I saw, I was soon eating low carb, but whenever ordered to eat a 'proper' diet I put on weight really fast, and became very ill when I was pregnant. I have been accused of being greedy too - even though I know that I eat far less than most 'normal' people.
As far as I can work out, people get the wrong advice about diet and some can manage it and some can't. All I need to do is eat low carb and I seem to be fine. I do go out and do things more than I used to but that is a symptom of recovery, not a treatment.
 
Tough one.

I think that getting T2 is probably a combination of factors but there is a significant genetic component.

I have an uncle with T2 and a nephew with T1 so there are probably some dodgy genes floating around there somewhere.

I put my T2 down to a combination of being overweight (14.5 stone at my heaviest), being in a very stressful job, and being a sugar addict all my life. At work I always had a big pack of Mars Bars, KitKat, Flake, Turkish Delight in my desk drawer to fuel me as I worked. I loved chip butties and all sorts of potatoes. Pasta, pizza, bread. Nom, nom, nom....

I wasn't unfit, though. I have always run and took up cycling again in my early 40s and walked a lot. Sailing, gym, weight training etc.

So I suspect that my pancreas had a mileage limit on it and I just abused it my whole life till it finally gave up in disgust.

I do feel cross with myself at times, but also acknowledge that if someone told me that eating a lot of sugar would give me diabetes I would have laughed at them.

I don't hide the fact that I am T2, but then again I am active in various things to do with diabetes. I have to restrain myself from telling too many people and explaining to them that they are heading the same way!

You seem to be coping very well. You are doing all the right things with maintaining a sensible weight and getting plenty of exercise. I think that being ashamed and annoyed at yourself has helped to motivate you to achieve these excellent results, and will continue to keep you pn the straight and narrow.

All you need is to dial back on the shame a bit, become comfortable that you are what you are, share a bit more.

Oh, and confirm that you are definitely T2 and not another variant.
 
Don't blame yourself, you need to be your own best friend to deal with it. It really is not your fault. I know it is easy to think that, and many non diabetics believe it to be the case, but it is not so. Consider one of the side effects, being hungry after a meal. I had that and ate something else. It made me put on weight, but was a result of the condition not of me "volunteering" for diabetes! Also being diabetic can make you anxious and depressed, so even feeling bad about it can be down to the condition. So, stop the blame. Say to yourself I can beat this. Read about all the people on here who have done just that. Be kind to yourself, and be positive.
 
Chook said:
The other thing, of course, is that in the past diagnosis wasn't so straightforward as it is now and there were probably lots of people who had T2 but who never got diagnosed.
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Add that in the past one could die in ay oung age due conditions that now are perfectly curable or because got killed in a war or have an accident while working, so it was entirely possible that a person having diabetes died for an infection and the diabetes syntoms were masked by the infection symptom.
 
Holidaymad_ said:
Thank you, all of your replies have made me cry. Maybe it's the media campaign of hate towards type 2 diabetes and constantly play the blame game of obese people crippling the NHS. It's an awful awful disease. I hate it.
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I completely understand how you feel there is too much blame going on with regards to health issues. let those without sin and all that....If you can 100 % say you have lived the life of health and virtue then you can make a comment about others lifestyles. BUT if you have ever had a beer,cigarette, chocolate bar or some bacon (or any other vice) then keep quiet!
 
I was a keen cyclist - hundreds of miles - seemingly fit, healthy weight, XS clothing, yet was still T2. Makes no sense at all unless you conclude that the two aren't necessarily linked. The fact that both of my parents were diabetic is probably far more pertinent.

For me, T2 means testing myself daily, eating proper food at regular times, picking my treats carefully, and happily refusing (mostly) when people offer me cake, biscuits etc. on the grounds that I'm diabetic. Once I say that, it terminates the thread, so from my perspective is as much a convenient reason as anything else. I've never been asked any follow-ups like "why" I'm diabetic, I think people either know better, or keep their mouths shut for fear of looking stupid.
 

I don't drink (can't stand the stuff or how it's become ingrained in everyday culture) and when I tell people and I see their shocked faces (what, not drinking, that's madness, everybody drinks) I tell them what I've just written here.

It says more about their need to drink than it does about my reasons not to and the next time anybody asks why you're not drinking, tell them it's none of their f*cking business.
 
Oh, you may want to research 'thin outside, fat inside' it makes interesting reading, also the theory that obesity is a symptom of T2, not the cause.
 
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