A little boy went up to his father and asked: 'Dad, where did my brains come from?The father replied. 'Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,' the divorce Court Judge said, 'And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,''That's very fair, your honor,' the husband said. And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.''Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.'The old man says without hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.''Thank you,' the blonde says, and hangs up.
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'Joe: 'Really?'Moe: 'Yeah. Until I married her I didn't think there was a Hell.