Feeling ashamed

51 years on insulin. Perhaps a way to look at this is that you have been hit by genetic lightning. It was very very likely to happen at some stage whatever you may or may not have done. And if your Dad has, over time, found some type of peace, so can you. And having worked and achieved the weight loss you have is a BIG, BIG plus in your favour !
You may have been half expecting that, given your family history that you might develop diabetes and, of course, no one can be fully prepared when it does happen.
Just to let you know that depression can happen with diabetes and talking to your DSN and doctor is important. And that sometimes sleep apnoea may be another lurgy that occurs with diabetes and needs checking out in some people. A friend of mine with T2D felt so much better mood-wise, in his case, when his sleep apnoea was diagnosed and under treatment.
I know that it is another slight worry but better to know and have that sorted either way.
You have gained the ability to lose weight and to take responsibility for your diabetes, no-one can take that away from you,
Wear that badge with pride

Hi Lily, I am older than you but still feel the shame and for me I don't think it will ever go away but I have very low esteem anyway due to traumas from family when I was very young. We can perhaps work together and over come this.
Also on a lighter note, are they your pugs in your picture? I have 2 and couldn't think of life without them.

Hi Lily, you sound exactly like me when I was diagnosed with T2, 9 years ago at the age of 40. I was the youngest in my family to get T2 (about half the extended family have it, plus several T1s).

As a child and teen, family were always telling me to lose weight or I'd get diabetes. So I put my head in the sand and carried on overeating and yo-yo dieting. I tried every diet there is, and only gained weight after each diet.

I now know my T2 genes led to overeating, weight gain, insulin resistance, and T2.

I also have sleep apnoea, hypertension and depression (the depression is OK at the moment though). I have learned that these three conditions very often go with T2, even after weight loss. BUT...

And it is an important but for you Lily... you CAN get physically and emotionally healthy... and you have made terrific progress. Better than I did!

As someone who has to some degree been through what you're going through, can I share what worked for me?

I got the right medical treatment I could for all the things I have, which for me included antidepressants (but that might not be right for you, it's something to consider and chat with your GP about some time), and I decided to value and respect myself.

It took me until my 40s to realize and accept that I have a right to live a good life and to be treated with basic respect by others. Whether that is a boss, a doctor, family, a friend or a stranger in a shop. If am being disrespected I don't have to just take it and not rock the boat.

I can choose to ignore & note it, or be assertive (polite but firm), or leave, or take the steps I need in order to leave when I can. We usually have more than two choices.

If I had left certain situations (such as relationships, jobs) earlier, I might have avoided chronic stress and the damage that can do to one's physical health. It took me years to stop beating myself up for that. I now accept that I did my best with what I knew at the time. And I learned lessons I can use to avoid the same problems again.

My Mum, bless her, didn't know what we know today about raising kids to be emotionally healthy and have good self esteem. She raised us how her parents had raised her. They raised her how their parents had, and so on...

Our generation has a chance to break the cycle. We now know the basics of how to raise emotionally healthy kids. Love, warmth, praise, boundaries, and consistency. I can't go back and change what was, but I can treat myself with those principles. It works much better than scolding myself 24/7!

I could write all day about this so I better finish for now. In case you haven't seen it, here is some info that helped me understand the real reason I got T2, and it wasn't from overeating and being obese. It was genetic bad luck. Hope it helps.
http://www.phlaunt.com/diabetes/47101698.php