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<blockquote data-quote="UserABC2021" data-source="post: 1974466" data-attributes="member: 470000"><p>[USER=497846]@Patrick66[/USER] I was finally given my official diagnosis for autism in 2007, they put me in the high functioning end and then labelled me with Asperger's Syndrome. My primary co-morbidity is zero facial recognition (Prosopagnosia) which has been, and still is, the worst aspect of my condition. </p><p></p><p>I read every post on the thread and still didn't know if I should reply because you are right, the austistic community is rife with self-appointed experts and I don't want to be one, not here.</p><p></p><p>Life before my diagnosis was very different, I was the boss of my own company and worked stupid hours. It cost me my children and every relationship, and I just kept going because it was all I knew. I never realised back then just how much fear I lived in, I would have meltdowns every other day and shutdowns at least once a day. I was in a very wealthy nightmare believing that I had no friends and no support.</p><p></p><p>At that time I was living in your neck of the woods having moved from Wales, my partner was an amazing lady who literally put up with my behaviour until I finally crashed and burnt. She begged me to get help and I walked away from her thinking, wrongly, that she didn't care. I did get help soon after, hence the diagnosis, but by then I had lost everything.</p><p></p><p>The shock of being placed on the spectrum was hard, and I did what any good Aspie would do, research. The first thing I realised was that I had spent my life blaming other people, neurotypicals, and I decided to look at my response to them and not their response to me. I also decided to play to my strengths, which were few indeed. </p><p></p><p>Like you, I loved travel, I don't know if you actually drive but I had always found peace when I was driving. I have a private pilots license to, and had considered becoming a commercial pilot or instructor at one point but the hoops of being an Aspie were too many to take on. I decided that if I liked driving I should try driving for a living, so I took my HGV license, ignored my degrees and my past to become a truck driver. It saved my sanity.</p><p></p><p>At the start, I only worked through agencies so I could choose my jobs, and I only worked at night. Earnt enough to keep me happy and suddenly I was free of people, and also found out I was very good at driving a 44 tonne truck. As is usual for people on the spectrum, I became fascinated by transport, it rules and functions, so I paid to take my transport managers certificate and get involved in logistics. None of this was planned in advance, it just seemed to flow once I only did what made me happy.</p><p></p><p>Last year was my worst year by far, apart from being diagnosed with T2 and having COPD and Emphysema I lost my grandaughter and nephew right before Christmas. I also lost my job after I had a meltdown for the first time in years, and I felt I was back to square one. I'm 65 in a couple of months and I've had enough of struggling so I have chosen to be semi-retired, and as I'm not wealthy by any means it has been a difficult decision.</p><p></p><p>I don't know why I wrote this, the main thing is I didn't want to tell you what you should do yet show some solidarity as another autistic person. I know the anxiety and depression we can experience, I have been there and it is crushing, but I know that no-one else could pull me out of it or give me a sense of the direction I should move in. If you can take one thing from my story then it was worth the telling.</p><p></p><p>As an aside, despite my inability to be social I do love being on the stage. Like you, I have a gift for comedy and also a really good singing voice, so I will 'perform' at any opportunity.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="UserABC2021, post: 1974466, member: 470000"] [USER=497846]@Patrick66[/USER] I was finally given my official diagnosis for autism in 2007, they put me in the high functioning end and then labelled me with Asperger's Syndrome. My primary co-morbidity is zero facial recognition (Prosopagnosia) which has been, and still is, the worst aspect of my condition. I read every post on the thread and still didn't know if I should reply because you are right, the austistic community is rife with self-appointed experts and I don't want to be one, not here. Life before my diagnosis was very different, I was the boss of my own company and worked stupid hours. It cost me my children and every relationship, and I just kept going because it was all I knew. I never realised back then just how much fear I lived in, I would have meltdowns every other day and shutdowns at least once a day. I was in a very wealthy nightmare believing that I had no friends and no support. At that time I was living in your neck of the woods having moved from Wales, my partner was an amazing lady who literally put up with my behaviour until I finally crashed and burnt. She begged me to get help and I walked away from her thinking, wrongly, that she didn't care. I did get help soon after, hence the diagnosis, but by then I had lost everything. The shock of being placed on the spectrum was hard, and I did what any good Aspie would do, research. The first thing I realised was that I had spent my life blaming other people, neurotypicals, and I decided to look at my response to them and not their response to me. I also decided to play to my strengths, which were few indeed. Like you, I loved travel, I don't know if you actually drive but I had always found peace when I was driving. I have a private pilots license to, and had considered becoming a commercial pilot or instructor at one point but the hoops of being an Aspie were too many to take on. I decided that if I liked driving I should try driving for a living, so I took my HGV license, ignored my degrees and my past to become a truck driver. It saved my sanity. At the start, I only worked through agencies so I could choose my jobs, and I only worked at night. Earnt enough to keep me happy and suddenly I was free of people, and also found out I was very good at driving a 44 tonne truck. As is usual for people on the spectrum, I became fascinated by transport, it rules and functions, so I paid to take my transport managers certificate and get involved in logistics. None of this was planned in advance, it just seemed to flow once I only did what made me happy. Last year was my worst year by far, apart from being diagnosed with T2 and having COPD and Emphysema I lost my grandaughter and nephew right before Christmas. I also lost my job after I had a meltdown for the first time in years, and I felt I was back to square one. I'm 65 in a couple of months and I've had enough of struggling so I have chosen to be semi-retired, and as I'm not wealthy by any means it has been a difficult decision. I don't know why I wrote this, the main thing is I didn't want to tell you what you should do yet show some solidarity as another autistic person. I know the anxiety and depression we can experience, I have been there and it is crushing, but I know that no-one else could pull me out of it or give me a sense of the direction I should move in. If you can take one thing from my story then it was worth the telling. As an aside, despite my inability to be social I do love being on the stage. Like you, I have a gift for comedy and also a really good singing voice, so I will 'perform' at any opportunity. [/QUOTE]
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