Fitting in

[IslesCass]

Last night my little boy told me he doesn't fit in anymore, so I asked what he meant by this he said all the children in his class are like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle that fit together only he's different now and no longer fits since he's been diagnosed with diabetes.

I cannot tell you how much that broke my heart that my beautiful boy feels he doesn't fit anymore. There's been a little bit of bullying which hopefully is now under control.

Has anyone had an experience like this with their child at all and do you have any suggestions how I can make him feel better. Apart from the obvious of telling him it's ok to be a little different, how much I love him, how special he is.

 

[TorqPenderloin]

While I do not have children, I do have some input that may be relevant. My mother is a school teacher and teaches 7-8 year children. She has a T1D in her class this year so she has an excellent perspective on how the kids interact.

How does your son talk about diabetes at home? The reason I ask is that he may be dealing with some internal emotions that may be affecting his social life at school.

Unfortunately, children can sometimes be cruel, but they are almost always curious. There may be times where your son's classmates are simply curious about your son because they don't understand the situation.

The more time you spend on this forum the more you'll realize that this isn't just a problem specific to children. Many adults face it as well. They're consciously and subconsciously dealing with negative emotions that they are somehow different because they have diabetes.

The last question I'll ask is about how YOU feel and talk to your son about diabetes? Those emotions can most certainly transfer to your son as well (both good and bad).

 

[T1Dad]

Really sorry to hear that...sucks. Have not had any bullying yet as she's only 6 so probably a bit early for that.
I have told her that God has chosen you to have Type 1 because you are stronger than all the others. She seems to like that so we've run with it.

 

[IslesCass]

While I do not have children, I do have some input that may be relevant. My mother is a school teacher and teaches 7-8 year children. She has a T1D in her class this year so she has an excellent perspective on how the kids interact.

How does your son talk about diabetes at home? The reason I ask is that he may be dealing with some internal emotions that may be affecting his social life at school.

Unfortunately, children can sometimes be cruel, but they are almost always curious. There may be times where your son's classmates are simply curious about your son because they don't understand the situation.

The more time you spend on this forum the more you'll realize that this isn't just a problem specific to children. Many adults face it as well. They're consciously and subconsciously dealing with negative emotions that they are somehow different because they have diabetes.

The last question I'll ask is about how YOU feel and talk to your son about diabetes? Those emotions can most certainly transfer to your son as well (both good and bad).

Hi

Initially they were curious about his diabetes, and majority have been supportive, my son when he went back to school which was a week after he was diagnosed did a talk to the class on what it was and if the teacher or TA wasn't around and they seen certain symptoms he explained what they would need to do and how they could help him. The problem with this is one child does not like the attention that my boy gets due to him being supervised at injection, BGC levels being tested and this is where the bullying has come in. My son does his own injections and testing but because he is a minor he has to be supervised in school.

There is curiosity and there is bullying curiosity is asking questions, bullying is pushing and punching and calling names two very different things unfortunately my son gets the pushing and punching side so definitely not curious.

I have been really open with him and it is still early days and we are both learning, he is the only boy and the only child the school has had who is a diabetic. We talk all the time about how this won't stop him doing anything he is really sporty, in fact the week he went back to school he did a swimming gala, I go everywhere he needs me to be so that he can take part in all sports, football, swimming etc by taking time of work and he knows I am more than happy to do that.

How do I feel about it, some days I could scream why my child and not somebody else's but then I realise it could have been a child who isn't in such a good place, whose family aren't really that fussed they more concerned about drink/drugs etc so then I think at least my little boy is from a loving home who take responsibility and make sure he has everything he needs.

I love this forum it has helped me a lot.

 

[IslesCass]

Really sorry to hear that...sucks. Have not had any bullying yet as she's only 6 so probably a bit early for that.
I have told her that God has chosen you to have Type 1 because you are stronger than all the others. She seems to like that so we've run with it.

Run with that I have also told my boy he is special am hoping as he gets older his diabetes just fits in with his life and isn't such a big thing, even though it is.

 

[T1Dad]

Run with that I have also told my boy he is special am hoping as he gets older his diabetes just fits in with his life and isn't such a big thing, even though it is.

It will fit in....all the new tech and tools available will make this a lot nicer to manage. Look ahead 10 years and imagine what could be out there when your child is reaching adulthood.

 

[bobcurly]

Yes my little one says she just wants to be "normal" again! I.ve said she isnt abnormal just has to adjust her insulin that everyone elses body does. Luckily no bullying yet (10 years of age) but i agree that kids are curious. My daughter started swimming lessons and i saw all the kids point at her libre and ask about it but they once they were told it quickly became old news.

 

[Jamesuk9]

This struck a note with me, not because of the diabetes but because I have a teenage son with complex ASD.

He was bullied and ridiculed through school until the age of 14 when he was diagnosed.

What helped him was owning his condition and having it drummed into him that it was others who were not normal and not him with the problem.

Once he believed that, everything changed.

We do the best we can if we're doing that then that's all we can do.

 

[ickihun]

Tell your little boy that one side of his jigsaw puzzle is painted his favourite colour (his diabetes shape in his life) and when mixed with other jigsaw puzzle colours (age mates) it makes multicolours, like a rainbow.
Life is full of the colours of the rainbow. Jigsaw piece sides too.
Refer to everything different for a while in colour code.
He'll soon understand.

 

[IslesCass]

Tell your little boy that one side of his jigsaw puzzle is painted his favourite colour (his diabetes shape in his life) and when mixed with other jigsaw puzzle colours (age mates) it makes multicolours, like a rainbow.
Life is full of the colours of the rainbow. Jigsaw piece sides too.
Refer to everything different for a while in colour code.
He'll soon understand.

That's a great idea thank you x

 

[justadad]

Hi @IslesCass. Thank you for being a great mum and for sharing your experience. I have learnt quite a lot here, on this forum, by reading about what others have done/seen/experienced.
My son just turned 11, diagnosed T1D 2 months ago. His classmates were curious, but never bullied him. Or not yet. They are still growing and the worst in children comes at that age, this is from my experience looking back in my childhood 30 years ago. Children are a reflection of their parents, their family, their immediate surrounding. I believe you should seek ways to bring this situation to the attention of the parents of the bully, to make them understand, and hopefully they might be able to help.
But eventually he will need to stand up for himself. One thing we've been telling my son is that we are all different and suffer some condition. Some wear glasses, some are allergic to things, some are overweight, some are short, some have big ears, some walk funny, some have bad teeth, some are stupid. Nobody's perfect. This was helpful for us, because it somehow resolved the problem of 'why just me'. It's not just you, it's everyone.