God help you all today !!``

I'll start by apologising for the blasphemous statement at the start of this thread, but I felt I needed to warn you all:

I'm off work today, mainly because it's my actual day off, and my head is full of random stuff - no doubt i'll be filling the general chat section with most of it, but only after i've done a few jobs first:

1) Go prepare the Bike for a 10 mile bike ride i'm planning - I think today i'll tighten the nuts on the handlebars and pump up the tyres, thats MORE than enuff prep for today thank you

2) The car needs washing, it's absolutely filthy. I'm going to pour one capful of special car shampoo into a bucket and fill with BOILING Hot water, by the time i've driven to the hand car wash where 14 Asylum Seekers will jump on my car and clean it, the water SHOULD have cooled enuff for them to use

3) I'm going to get the Bullworker out and do some serious stretching and arm muscle building exercises this morning before I do anytthing else: These packets thet Macadamias are in are a real swine to open

4) I'm contemplating going into work and then just sitting in the reception area watching TV, laughing at all the idiots that are working today, I know i'll be there tomorrow but at least its my day off today

5) I'm going to go around all the supermarkets and shops and see how many times i'm asked would I like to buy today's special offer of chocolate when I get to the till - Maybe burst into tears and threaten them with a visit from the RSPCDA - when i've formed the RSPCDA of course

**** - thats all for now, i'm feeling quite light headed after this burst of inspirational tosh

Right - i'll report back in a little while when i've done something aboiut something with someone who gives a monkeys ****

Jimbo

I'm feeling almost human again this morning - almost afternoon even, and my day is going swimmingly well:


Well: Went in Woolworths to get some games for the PS3, yup you guessed it, the young girl behind the cpunter said we are doing a promotion today on a choccie bar, they are only 35p instead of 49p would you like to take advantage of this offer: I smiled politely, bottom lip quivered a little bit and I politely explained that eating chocolate is exceptionally bad for my health. she countered this by claiming that she had read some research somewhere saying that a piece of chocolate is good for you and it would do me no harm - that is until I politely explained that i'm diabetic.
I was actually really polite as well, poor girl had no idea what to say or do.

Nuts on the bike are tight and ready to go - talking of nuts, i'm fully pumped up for my afternoon challenge of walking into Tesco, grabbing a bag of, yup you know what i'm gonna say here dont ya, MACADAMIAS and ripping the bag open with such ferociousness that people will expect me to turn green , my clothes wiull start ripping and i'll become Lou Ferigno AKA The Incredible Sulk, sorry I mean Hulk. I need a T-Shirt that says " Please DO NOT make me angry, you WON'T like me i'm angry " on it

Car's clean - duly went to the aforementioned Asylum Seekers Employment Centre, aka The Big Hand Car Wash, not a million miles from where I live and smiled sweetly and said " Valet number 3 Please " Then noticed that the price had risen from £10 to £12 (still cheap BTW) so I merely pointed out in my best sign language and the obvious shoutung you do to make yourself understood, that there was a credit crunch on, we're almost in a recession and they are putting their prices up - I pointed out that ive taken promotion at work, a pay rise but because of the extra responsibility and less time face to face abusing, mean doing great deals for, customers who want to buy cars, i'm actually earning less per hour than probably they were. I also explained that Macadamia nuts were quite expensive and the extra £2 he was going to charge me would mean I would have to purchase one bag less, costing £1.99, and this may have a serious effect on my health and his. He just kept smiling and then said - ok no problem Mr Jim, today for you special price of £10 - Is that A result or what, I always knew my negotiating skills would come in really handy one day.

Decided that walking may prove to be a big thing in my undertaking to become a fitter, healthier and better person. Last night I parked the car at the front of the house, rather than the drive, this meant I had to walk for another 5 seconds and around another 20ft before I could get in - Small steps at a time huh, no need to rush things in my opinion.

Didn't bother going in work today to laugh at all the people who are there, mainly because some of them would do it to me tomorrow and i'm NO longer allowed to visit the vending machine for a Double Decker to comfort myself - good decision methinks
Funny that - talking of the vending machine, Barbara the woman who comes and fills ours has noticed that takings are down in a big way and may have to lay off staff in the forseeable future - Told her to fill the machine with Macadamias and i'll boost the takings again in no time.

I'm contemplating becoming an American Citizen - Did you read the story of the guy who sued McDonalds for millions because they never told him that eating their burgers WOULD make him fat ?
Think i'd get away with suing Lucozade and Red Bull ?

Ok - enough for now, by the time you've read this your stomachs will be sore, and not from the Insulin Injections I tell ya, so i'll give you a break till around 4pm

Hugs and stuff guys and gals

Jimbo

Glad i'm good for summat now - as for the nutty gang: yeah i'll join no probs :lol:

Jimbo

gillyh said:

You reqlly cheered me up tonight jimbo. Couldn't stop laughing. Got anything for a sore stomach? Jem do you think he'd join our nutty gang? Prime candidate!! :mrgreen:

Click to expand...

Yeah gillyh - I have just the thing:
Go get in your fav pj's, make a big hot mug of ovaltine, grab a hot water bottle and snuggle up on the couch watching a real good fillum (film). Dont watch a comedy or a weepie as this will antagonise your sore stomach, caused by me earlier, further and may lead to serious complications - I have heard that peoples sides have split and and they have had to be glued back together using super strong super super super super glue (diabetic friendly of course)

Well, i'm back in work today now - but the great news is i'm only here today and tomorrow before I go partying in Milton Keynes with some friends - back on sunday afternoon depending on how late a night I have, then back in work Monday and Tuesday then off indefinately while I go in hosp for a wee small operation: Speaking of which, I asked the doc if he touches my insides while doing whatever he is doing will my nose light up red and i'll go BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP ?
I'm hoping the nurses are a **** site cuter on Surgical than they were on the Short Stay Unit Not that this would have any effect on the skill and care they provide, just makes me a load happier having some eye candy

Now seeing as Admin have kindly agreed to maybe start a whole section on carbs, i'll try and sweet talk him/her/them/it into letting me have a whole section dedicated to my good self where I can spout randon tosh like this all day without further clogging up the board (flutter those eyelashes Jem, I need help here please)

Speaking of work, I was left a list of "things to do" by the Sales Manager, he's on a course with Tina from Admin (tee hee hee hee lucky HIM). The main one was to send out 500 letters to customers advising them that we're all skint so can they all come in and buy a car before the year end! I wonder if licking all those envelopes will raise by BS levels ?

Well that will have to do for now I think, I really must make an effort and do something today, even if it is lick 500 envelopes :roll: :lol:

Ciao

Jimbo

I'm trying to come up with a plan to alleviate the boredom caused by work - I will think of something to do, will be lots of fun and will be mayhemical in approach.

Gimme time - ive not had my morning coffee yet, someone has broke the machine again!!


jimbo