Hello again and Help ... again.... please

My wake up call came in the form of my consultant. He bollocked me and said heakd strike me from the treatment list if I didn't change. I ate **** food because I liked it, ate choc bars and crisps and sometimes lucozade when I felt tired, which ultimately compounded matters having high GL. I thought he was ranting and he was bawling at the top of my voice and I was quiet and thinking about things. He mistook that for apathy and accused me of not being ar$ed and got even more irateam he told me to get out and never come back unless I changed. I also used to have a bit too much drink, friday and saturdays. He asked me how old I was (34) at the time. He said unless I changed THAT instance I wouldn't live to see my teenage girls get married or see my grandkids as I would be dead by 40. Since then I've got my act together, rarely have takeaways, once a month, sometimes less, count my carbs and calculate my insulin, walk at least 2.5 miles a day, take stairs up 11 floors rather than lift, monitor my weight weekly and compete with my sister, since when I've gone from 16.5 stone to 14 stone exactly and have been for over 3 months. I went for my diabetic check up on wednesday and now have my lowest ever weight, BMI, blood pressure and good control of my GLs. It was a hell of a wake up call and a real scary kick up the backside. I felt like crying almost. I've got a bet on this month that I won't drink for all of april with my 19 year old, with 50 quid in the kitty as an added incentive. It's only just into day 6 now, but I feel so much better for it and my health and energy levels have improved.
Whatever it is that you live for, try using that as an incentive and give yourself something to focus on and drive yourself towards. Get inspiration from others noticing you're making a real genuine effort and get complimented on getting a slimmer figure - it is a good feeling. Get a nice haircut and clothes, see friends and family and get that respect and feel-good factor about your health. It all boils down to your health and well-being. Love yourself for you. Start maybe by rewarding your progress by having chocolate or a cake once a week. As you get better you'll find your desire to have these things will diminish as you feel more confident. I'll try to support and encourage you if you want to, as I have to stay focussed myself, everyday. You can do it. Love yourself again, it's not easy, but that first step, that first day is the hardest. Each subsequent day becomes easier as you readjust your habits. I hope this is useful, because I've bared my soul here. I'm also giving up smoking and am cutting down rapidly. As I do so my need for a fag reduces. I don't smoke at all now in the day and have a couple at night. But if I can go all day, surely I can go without at nighy, hey?
All the very best of luck. Please let me know if you find this useful and how you get on. If I can do it you can do it too!!!
Mart.

One last thing, what triggers you when you 'lose it'? Stress, depression, bad day, someone saying something nasty? If you can identify and confront your emotional triggers you can prepare yourself and maybe go for a walk or take 5 minutes out from the situation or vent to your friends or partner or someone who understands and can support you. I always vent my anger and never bottle things up, or I find it's a corrosive poison that gets the better of me until my defenses are obliterate and then I end up losing it big time. Don't sweat the small stuff and let out your frustation and deal with each instance when it occurs. A good old swear or rant often enagages others to inquire 'what's up' and you can talk it through with them and maybe you'll realise it wan't such a biggie in the first place or things aren't as bad as you thought. I also enjoy taking time out to read and don't watch much tv.peace and quiet can be just what the doctor ordered sometimes to relax and unwind. I always use the quiet coaches on the train to get away from bawling kids, idiots shouting down the phone, drunken sqaddies, schoolkids messing about and d:ckheads playing music on the train lous enough for everyone to hear, as these things seriously P me right off.
Good luck and hope you're back on track very soon! Start today if you can, the sooner you start the quicker you'll feel better.
Mart.

Hi martwolves

I just wanted to say that is a really inspirational post I have been diagnosed as T1 almost a year and I have been really struggling with my weight and getting very down about it and when I do I start to binge eat with everything I shouldn't. Stories like yours really help to get things in perspective.

Lucy

Hi Lucy, I felt a bit of an idiot going on about my failings and often blase approach a couple of years ago, but the ire in raised in my quiet unassuming consultation was startling. I knew I'd gone too far, but not realised HOW serious it was, if you know what I mean? What he said shocked me and spurred me into immediate action and since then my attitude has changed so much for the better. My girls and wife say they've got daddy and Mart back again, as diabetes and the warfarin/portal vein thrombosis knocked me about no end and I'd hit rock bottom. If I can help discourage anyone from making my mistakes and the humiliating destruction by consultant then I'm happy to do so. If I can make just one person stop and think through being brutally honest and helping that person, it's worthwhile me doing so. Yeah, I was stupid, but I hope I can reverse that to some extent now by sharing that part of life with others. It wasn't easy to put into writing and was quite painful to relive as I had blocked it out to some extent, but your response has erased any shame I felt in the past. Thank you for your kind reply, it has made my day, no, make that week. Cheers Mart

I can only hope your frustration doesn't get the better of you. Stick with it and if you have a blip, you're still as healthy as you can be, right? Don't give up and I hope you don't blow it. It seems it's just one of those things and anything could cause it to go off, not necessarily food or managing your health properly. Hang in there, love! All the best.
Mart

In addition to insulin I take warfarin, which buggers up my GL readings, so I know it's not always mismanagement, it can often a conflict in other medication, though I don't know what you have, but this can and does happen to me at times. I don't get angry, it's one of those things and until the specialists find the right balance it will happen now and then.

You're very welcome. Just had to leave the office for a while, as I thought I was actually going to nod off. I felt warm and sleepy. Just eaten, blood sugar - normal, but I think they've turned the heaters up with the air-con. Maybe it's the exercise I've been doing catching up with me? I will sleep tonight! No fear! Good to hear from you! You can do this, so can I. I just need a rest I think.

Yes,it is a strange one, but best to be safe than sorry. I was amazingly knackered all day today and fell asleep on the train and bus home. Got train from bham to wolves, so glad I didn't wake uo in glasgow. Woke up on the bus one stop before mine. My blood was a bit high today and I din't manage a lunchtime walk. Little changes can make a massive difference. Hang in there and don't get despondent! You can do it! Stay in touch.

Mart.

Tomorrow is my last day in the office this week. Bham New Street weds, Manchester Piccadilly thurs and fri. It'll be interesting to see how this will affect me. At least the Manc trains terminate at Piccadilly! Lol.