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Message: <blockquote data-quote="DCUKMod" data-source="post: 2015911" data-attributes="member: 345386">Leah, I have no personal experience of transplantation, although I actually know two people in my "real life" who have had the op.  I know two sounds unrealistically high, but I met them both through our local Diabetes UK group, where they still attend, even though neither is now T1.  Both of those ladies (both female, in the 40s) say they get a lot from knowing each other, even if just for a moan on the phone from time to time.  As I understand things, they both had their ops at the John Radcliffe, in Oxford.Don't beat yourself up about your journey to transplantation.  We all live our lives in what we feel is the best mix of the day.  Sometimes we get it right, sometimes wrong, and sometimes we can meander right off track for a while.  That's what life deals to people.  You didn't make yourself need a transplant.  You got unlucky in the draw of the cards, when all is said and done.Going onto your guilt about the person who died.  I can only imagine this is one of the more common feelings amongst transplantation patients, but I would urge you to maybe have a look at it from the other side of the coin.My father was a very good man, who did a lot of good things in his life.  (Oh, being human, he probably had some not so hot times too, but we'll gloss over those!)  We knew he was dying, but when he did pass away, unexpectedly, one of my questions was if his death could result in gifts to others - meaning transplantations.  Unfortunately, due to Dad's underlying condition, and years of high doses of steroids, that wasn't possible, but I know we would all have been so, so proud if part of our loved on could live on and continue to do some good for someone else - just as he had done during his lifetime.Those who die and are suitable for transplantation often die in tragic circumstances, but I sincerely hope that the families contributing to that most oawful decision imaginable gain comfort by knowing their passing was not in vain, and that there are people living on, and/or living unimaginably better lives as a result of their tragedy.Yes, I am on the transplant register, and have been for decades.  I will be staying there.  I am slo on the Anthony Nolan Bone Marrow register, and got very close to donating twice - once having had all the final tests, the transplant was no longer required.  I only hope that was because a better match was found.There can be no doubt that transplant surgery has profound impacts on a great many people.   I know both ladies I know feel their lives are hugely better, and they're getting on with living their lives now.  They are back at work, albeith they each work part time, and the more recent of the two is still finding her pre-transplan confidence, but hopefully it can happen.  The more longstanding lady does all sorts of fab stuff, including travelling all over the world, taking it all in.I do hope that given time you can be reconcilled to your new life and can see a way forward to some sort of contentment.</blockquote>

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