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Help getting over the guilt

natalier90

Member
Messages
16
Type of diabetes
Parent
Treatment type
Insulin
Hi there

My son was diagnosed with type 1 2 weeks ago. He has done amazingly well and his dad and myself could not be more proud of him

After the initial shock and three nights crying myself to sleep holding my little boy it finally sunk in that this is what we have to do for out baby to be well.

However, I am struggling to get over how I was with him in the last week before he was diagnosed. Bedwetting got very frustrating and I used to get a little agitated after the fourth time of him wetting the bed in one night. Eating constantly I would say he couldn't have any more because he couldn't possibly still be hungry. And constantly drinking his brothers water leaving him with no drink would annoy me too.

I feel guilty for how frustrated I used to get with him and am angry with myself that I didn't realise sooner that all the symptoms added up to diabetes.

Our baby was pratically starving to death and I didn't realise, how do you get over that ? Did you get over it? It's killing me. I feel so so guilty that I didn't take him to the doctors sooner.

I'm sorry if this isn't aloud I just need some help with coming to terms with what my poor baby was going through prior to diagnosis. :'(

Thank you.
 
Hey @natalier90 I can't relate to how you're feeling but I was diagnosed aged 3 and me mam talks about how awful she felt that she would deny me a drink because I'd just had one and would beg her to give me another, she found me a couple of times with me head stuck under the bathroom tap guzzling away, she just thought coz it was summer and I'd been out playing I was really thirsty.. Kept telling me off for it.. I imagine your not the first and won't be the last parent to feel like this but you weren't to know, you're only human xx
 
guilt and self blame is part of the grieving process isn't it? I know a nurse who's kid got T1 and missed the symptoms, she kicked herself too.
 
I feel for you, your honesty is moving, you've been through the mill but your out the other side now with a diagnosis, you understand what has gone on, he needs you now and your support and you are there 100%, that is the most important thing. Don't give yourself a hard time, move on from the guilt, you've done nothing wrong, be the family you are meant to be. Life can be hard with diabetes or not. It never gets easier, you just get stronger.
 
natalier90 said:
I feel guilty for how frustrated I used to get with him and am angry with myself that I didn't realise sooner that all the symptoms added up to diabetes.
Click to expand...

Don't ..... you ARE a good mum.

Mike
 
Nobody knows everything.... You had the love to get your son the diagnosis. You cannot blame yourself for the symptoms making you think he was a naughty boy rather than an ill child.
Health professionals miss these too...
The guilt of not recognising the symptoms will diminish but the guilt that the flawed gene came from you and your other half I think will be harder long term to cope with. My mum 30 years+ on still feels guilty over the gene factor and tries to still ensure I am treated a little bit better than my siblings because of her guilt.
You have taken on a sort of grieving stage.. You know when say someone dies you can always find a sentence of " i wish I'd done that for them, or I wish I had known etc".. It is a sort of grieving stage.
No other mum unless they have a T1 child will understand the T1 parent grieving stage....
Its something that the NHS don't talk about either.
Depending upon the age of your son he may not remember the bedwetting or nicking water either etc... Only if you remind him.
You have a huge amount to learn and keep learning now about diabetes. So it needs positive forward thoughts. Rather than the grieving negative ones.

It us sad to hear of yet another T1 diagnosis. I really feel for you all.

Big hugs...x
 
Hi. Thank you for your reply.

I guess as a mother you feel obliged to protect your children and for nothing bad to happen to them.

I feel like i should have known something wasn't right but I guess as you say I wasn't the first and won't be the last just hard to get over.

In terms of genes no one in my family or my partners have diabetes in which the nurses found really strange which made it even harder to deal with.

Thank you all for taking your time to reply.
 
Hi natalier90

My 3 year old was diagnosed in January and I know how you feel. My son had the same symptoms as yours bed wetting and he had an unquenchable thirst, which I denied him anymore liquids because I felt he needed to eat We thought he had a virus as he'd gone off his food before and we assumed he'd get better. After two days of barely eating I took him to the doctors and was sent home and told to give him his inhaler as his breathing was irregular too by this point.
That night we took him to a&e as there was no change and to be honest I was scared even after visiting the gp. Turned out he was in DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis) and his blood glucose was 47.3
I felt guilty and still do as I feel, like you that when you have a child you're supposed to "know" but I didn't.
I'm sorry I did ramble a bit there, all I'm trying to say is that you're not alone in the way you feel and it does get better eventually.
Stacey
 
 


Hi stacey,

It is a horrible feeling isn't it. I am just so proud of him for how well he is doing and how brave he has been.

If it wasn't for my partner I would never have thought it was diabetes. It was only that he Google our son's symptoms and it came up with diabetes and we literally walked into the doctors and said our son has diabetes and he referred us there and then to the hospital as his levels were over 33.

I'm so glad he picked up on it because I don't think I would have( not knowing much about diabetes at all at that stage )

My son is doing amazing already and I hope your son is too. As mum's we feel the need to protect our babies from harm but unfortunately this is one of those things we just need be strong about and do everything we can and need to for them.

Thank tou for taking your time to reply. My next step is going to one of the groups so my son can meet other children with diabetes and know he isn't the only one with it.

Good luck and all the best for your son.

Natalie x
 
Hi there. Well that all sounds so familiar. I did exactly the same thing with my son. Hes 4. Withholding drinks from him because of his bed wetting. His diabetes coincided with starting in reception at school, so all of the signs for mixed up with all of the school signs. He was so sick by the time he was diagnosed.... That was 5 months ago now. Were adjusting. I still think I should have gotten there sooner, but I don't beat myself up about it anymore... I've got plenty of other things to feel guilty about now... Consistent high BG.. My 2 year old being consistently over shadowed. Forgetting the away kit. But we muddle through, and can even find time to joke about it sometimes, just like a 'normal'family!
 
My little girl is newly diagnosed too we were on holiday at new year and I put it down to tiredness and drinking lots in the evening with meals . when we got home I didn't notice it again for 2 week then it came back with a vengeance and she looked so thin it's awful but we have to remember they are here and controlled some childhood illness's there is no help or cure for , that's what gets me through and she is so brave so I had to pull myself together for her xxxx o think there needs to be a facebook page or helpline to ask each other questions or look for help has our nurses phones go off at 5pm and weekends when I seem to worry most xx
 
My won is doing great now. I try to forget about when he was first diagnosed and just focus on the now. He's going onto his pump Monday after only.being diagnosed for 4 months they are all so happy with him. Oh really our nurses have an out of hours and weekend line which really helps. I haven't used it since he was newly diagnosed though. It's become so much easier now we have carb counting sorted. He obviously still has high and low days but we couldn't be more proud. Hope your little girl is doing ok x
 
Hi there. I have just signed up to this forum tonight, and i am glad i did. My son was diagnosed last August, he had not long turned 3. It was the same.....bed wetting and thirst. He actually used to fall asleep sitting up watching tv. I actually thought he maybe had a urinary infection, i never thought for a minute it was Diabetes. I too sat and cried with guilt for the first few days. It tore me up as i kept thinking "what if hes had this for months and ive just let it go on". I think we all go through this and its perfectly normal. Although were nearly a year since diagnosis, the whole thing still upsets me. I think i have gone through every emotion possible. However, we are getting there now and my son is doing well on his insulin pump. It certainly doesn't stop him in any shape or form.

The main thing here to remember is.....you knew something was wrong and you acted on that. We all did. Our children are doing well because of us, and will continue to do so.

Good luck with everything Natalie, you are doing just fine

X
 
Hi, my daughter was diagnosed type 1 news year day. Wetting the bed and unquenchable thirst were her symptoms. This is something I've struggled with my frustration when she was wetting the bed and feel awful thinking back when her little body was struggling.
I just have to be grateful that there is medication that it can be controlled and make sure I do my best for her. I keep telling myself that in her lifetime someone will come along with a cure (I hope)! I was also 36 weeks pregnant when she was diagnosed so we have saved the cord blood which hopefully could be used one day! She has started on the pump recently which has taken so much of the stress away from injections.
Lovely to relate to these posts, I just wish that I wasn't reading any of these posts! Thinking about all your little ones and how amazing they are!
️
 
Thank you for the replies. My son's now been diagnosed 4 months and he's doing so well. He's been put onto the pump and it's so much easier for us and more importantly for him. Couldn't be more proud of him.
 
My son was diagnosed last December, he is 14. He lost so much weight but was eating us out of house and home. I'd come down in the morning and he'd have drunk 4 pints of milk while I was asleep!! He'd eat and eat and eat and we shout at him for being so greedy! So when we bumped into a friend who didn't even recognise Ryan anymore because of how skinny he was ( I put eating and weight loss down to puberty ) I took him to doctor for blood test, even doctor put it down to puberty. That night doctor was pounding on our front door with the results - he was rushed to hospital and admitted! Never have I felt so bad and helpless in my life, all that time we were giving him grief daily about what he was eating and drinking and we didn't realise what was going on in his body. Don't beat yourself up I think us parents were all in the same position in the beginning.
 
Hi
My son has recently been diagnosed by the way only just joined and spotted this. I have gone through a hard time too blaming myself,as a single parent with no support has been really difficult I was 40 when I had him and have a thyroid disorder wondered if this was why also did not breastfeed him I did with my other 2 and they are fine it is so worrying. I am glad things are good for you I go off on my own for a sneaky cry quite often and ask why us?
 
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