Help!

I will bump your post up @julesk68.

Perhaps inform his team as to what is going on, they will give him a couple of choices test at set times and do the required work for the pump and we will see you in a month. If no improvement in testing (please don't forget your meter as an instant fail) then the pump will be taken away.

Does he also not realise as he doesn't test he will not get a driving licence?

julesk68 said:

He has an insulin pump so its not even like its difficult for him to do.

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I hope you haven't actually said that to him. Yeah, logistically it is not difficult but that massively underplays the psychological impact of living with an incurable chronic condition. He's 17, he's rebeling & it must be incredibly painful to watch him rebeling in a way that damages his health. But I wouldn't have thought he's doing it on purpose to make life difficult for you - if he wants to be rid of diabetes, then he can sort of achieve that by just ignoring it, it may be that he's not even aware that that's what he's doing, but denial is powerful like that & realising that you have been in denial takes an acute self awareness that most 17 year olds don't have (despite all the naval gazing).

Cut him some slack. I don't mean cut him some slack as in let him get away with it no matter the consequences to his health. I mean talk to him as if he is a person struggling with a huge thing that most people, fully grown mature adults, would struggle to deal with. Yeah part of this might be a "naughty teenager thing", but this is bigger than a naughty teenager thing. Ask his team for support, a paediatric diabetic team should have access to a psychologist with experience in this area. Have frank discussions with him about the tangible consequences of his behaviour - driving licence being an excellent example - as well as the long term risks.

I'm sorry your family are struggling. I hope you can get some support from the diabetic team.

Diabetes is enough of a pain when you're a fully grown adult, but on the cusp of adulthood like your son is, it can be a horrible burden - a big and constant reminder that he's 'not like everyone else'. His teens should be carefree, but it's very hard to relax and be spontaneous when you're supposed to be thinking about your blood sugar 24/7. Diabetes can intrude on everything.

So I completely understand why he's probably coping by trying to ignore it. It's partly the burden of all the work, I guess, but also because his head is full of so much more and he wants to live his life, not stop to pay attention to the demanding little beast Type 1 is.

I agree with @catapillar that the best way to help him is to treat him like an adult, to show him that you understand how very hard Type 1 is, and to offer praise for any improvement no matter how small. You could also try to find out why he doesnt pay more attention to it. Is it denial? Is it burnout? Is it depressing him? Does he get bad BS results that make him feel like giving up?

If he sees you as a partner in his fight against diabetes rather than a judge, then he may improve his control. Do let his DSN know. Sometimes people find it easier to talk to an 'outsider' than a family member. But don't become 'the enemy' (in his head - I know you aren't really). Sometimes you'll have to bite your tongue out of frustration, but keep him on side because that way you have a chance of helping him take back control.

Ask him about his hopes and dreams; tell him how strong he is coping with diabetes; tell him you understand how hard it can be; and let him feel he can talk to you about it (and anything else that may be bothering him).

Hi there, reading the replies from other members they are spot on. I have a teenager, plus I am an older mum too.
Sometimes, we as parents and maybe the teenagers too, feel as though an alien has taken over their mind and body, with hormones flying all over the place and not 'a child' any more.
I think this is good advice, take time out from any heated conversations, but with a promise to finish it later, when you're both more calmer. It's a case of stepping back, still being supportive and telling him to enjoy his teenage years and to go on to enjoy his adult years and all the great things that life (and possible love) has to offer.
Parents worry about their kids, it doesn't matter what age they are and especially when they have a medical condition like type 1 diabetes and diagnosed as a teen, I am not on a pump, but I am MDI, so I wouldn't think it's easy or a doddle. Life is for living, lets hope he will live it well, but with better management with his diabetes. When people are young, they think they are indestructible and nothing will happen to them, as it always happens to someone else.
Could you possibly write him a supportive letter, telling him you will support him and be there for him, whatever challenges he comes up against, he's your son first, with a medical condition second.
Good luck, I hope it will get easier for you all as a family.

julesk68 said:

OMG I could really do with some advice. My son is 17 and was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 18 months so you would think he would be an expert by now but he is an absolute nightmare. He never checks his blood sugars and only does insulin when he feels like. He has an insulin pump so its not even like its difficult for him to do. I have just been woken by him in the kitchen completely delirious because the batteries were dead in his pump so he hasn't had insulin all day. It is an awful thing to see and cope with. I don't know how to get through to him. I have tried so many times to make him listen but he doesn't seem to care and refuses to look after his diabetes properly. I am at work every day and then when I get home he is out so its difficult for me to check on what hes doing with his levels. How can I make him sort himself out? Has anyone else had this fight with teenagers? Please someone help?

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Give him the address for this website. Buy him 'Think Like A Pancreas.' Ask the DN to find some other young diabetics so he doesn't feel so isolated and different. He needs a lot of social support.
And where do you keep the batteries? I am sure that with a diabetic teenager on a pump in the house, you always make sure that the necessary supplies are always to hand, don't you?

I was this teenager not too long ago, and have had diabetes for exactly the same amount of time. He is lucky to have an insulin pump, yes, but diabetes is hard, diabetes burn out is even worse, plus the realisation that you may not be getting the same level of support as others in your position would be, because you have had diabetes for so long. The scare tactics don't work (you're going to end up blind with your legs amputated etc etc) because it's not immediate. It took me a long time to realise how important this is and how much my diabetes affects my day to day life, and also how it doesn't need to be the be all and end all in how I live.
Does he know anyone else with diabetes?

One thing that really helped however was my parents asking me what they could do. They were and still are my support team, and now that I have grown up a little, I realise that even now when the tone gets stern, not to pay attention and react like they are telling me off, but listen to what they have to say. Because it can really sound like you are telling him off for misbehaving (which he is doing) but this isn't going to help much.

But then again when my control was the worst it had ever been my parents made me print out my blood glucose levels for each week and as they got better I gained back certain privileges. There is no single solution, but it may be easier for him to talk to someone else. Pretend as if he has just been diagnosed and learn everything from scratch, which is where I am right now.

I was diagnosed at 8 years old, and went through this exact thing as a teenager. I was constantly told things like 'you'll be blind by the time you're 24' etc which just made me more unreachable as it seemed so ridiculous to me. I'll be honest and say that it took for me to grow up to really get over my denial and bad control. To live with diabetes you need to be in a little bit of denial or you'd constantly be anxious, it's just when that denial takes over that it gets tricky.

All te above advice is great, I would also try to give him ownership - it's a difficult stage I went though, and am still going through a bit, with my mum. I hate being asked what my sugars are, or if I'm in a bad mood being told 'I think you need to check your blood'. I relate it to asking someone what the colour of their wee is, it's a bit personal...you just wouldn't. Think about your reactions to his sugars too. If he tells you it's good, praise him and ask him what he thinks he did to achieve it. If he tells you he's got a high sugar, you could say something about how that must make him feel rubbish and ask if he needs you to do anything. It's the little things like that that may empower him to take control.


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