Hi been to see mum, Back home now

I believe in Karma
Not necessarily by that name. you obviously have a lot of love to give so definitely a lot will come back to you, It may be from Hayley, who in your family is definitely your other parent. Keep her, she sounds wonderful and loyal. Keep loving your Mum, it might get through to her sometime. As a Mum and a Granadma myself, I can't see how she could not love her child. perhaps she just doesn't really know how. Certainly Hayley, who is obviously a very loving person, has stuck with her for more than your lifetime, so there must be something there.
try not to get bitter, even though you have been very hurt.

the same as hana really sandy,
im so sorry shes hurt u again , as u know we are all here for u,
sending u lots of hugs hunni

Hi Sandy,

I really feel for you and what you are going through. I had hard times with my mum, from times when I was only six and she took an overdose(because of depression) and I had to be examined because medics thought that she had given me pills as well!! through to age 12 when I had the worst beating of my life(why did no one seem to know she was hitting me - I never told anyone because she always told me it was my fault and that I had to be "Smacked" as she called it - when you think it is your fault you believe that you deserve to be hit(sounds crazy I know) I was scared of my mum even in my twenties, then something just "clicked" and I realised none of it had been my fault and I did not deserve to be hit when I was younger. When I had my daughter and son, I vowed I would never once raise my hand to my children in any way shape or form and I never ever have - my kids are now mid and late teens and I have a fantastic relationship with them. Although I always kept in touch regularly with my mum and she used to stay with us every couple of weeks, all through my life she used to try and antagonise all the time by saying things mainly like how wonderful her friends children were to their mothers - compared to me!! - my mum had a hip replacement a few years ago and I nursed her for weeks at my house, helped her to the toilet, showered her and dressed her and she became meek, mild and grateful - then when she was better she returned back to her normal way "THEY SAY A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES ITS SPOTS" - but you just bite your tongue, let her say her piece and let it not worry you. My mum passed away suddenly last year and through all her bad points, I still loved her, because she did have her good points as well - my mum did not have a very good childhood herself and maybe that is what made her the way she was.

So I know it is hard but try to remember you mums' good points and the happy times you have had with her as well cos one day she won't be there. xxxx

There's a book on Borderline called "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me!" the title alone kinda sums it up.

My Ex was a wonderful wife when she wanted to be, but saved everything up for that week in every month when she became Mrs Hyde, and let it all out. A friend had a girlfriend who was very similar. Once when he had a broken leg she jumped on it and broke it all over again. There's some kind of emotional/hormonal overreactivity involved, and probably an abusive childhood or background may be a factor (but then many people, like you, survive the latter without the former)

<uploads some Andrex for your puppy avatar>

sandymaynard said:

My auntie's say that my mother was always this way!

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Yes sadly I think something was broken and could never be repaired.

At least you had Hayley and your aunts to prove it was her and not you!

Sympathies, I lost two aunts recently. Both in their late eighties and they'd had good lives. One I knew well, the other less so (because of where she lived), they were both sweet people.

I don't know your mother but from the posts I have read on here it seems to me that she may have Asperger's Syndrome which means she cannot handle her own, or other people's emotions. People with AS are very difficult to deal with when they have an illness, or medical condtion, for this reason. If you read up on Asperger's Syndrome you may get some insight and understand why she is behaving this way. It is not personal to you, she would be the same with any other daughter/son. This is hard to remember and hard not to be hurt even you know this. She is pushing you away because she cannot handle the emotions. Just say to her that you are determined not to get upset and to be strong and just vent your emotions when away from here. It is terribly tough but different people react differently and as hurtful as this is for you, I feel that it is best for you both if you accept that is the way it is. You cannot be blamed for her diabetes and you cannot be blamed for wanting a loving relationship with your mother. You are a caring person who is unable, for no fault of your own, to care for your mother as you would like. I hope you are somehow able to communicate with your mother and be on good terms before she dies. I have worked as a community carer and I have seen how differently people deal with the idea of their life coming to an end and some people who have been humorous and jolly people generally have changed in to being bitter and angry people. We don't know how we would react in such a situation. I hope I would be like the people admire, calm and strong, but I don't think I can guarantee that.

sandymaynard said:

Hi Trinkwasser,
saw my auntie earlier luckly she lives close! Bless her she looks so fraile!
Oh i thought i will break her if i give her a hug! She knew about my mum! She sat up in bed and said come here my little one!
I laid on her bed as she stroked my head as she did when i was small and she sang to me! Next thing i knew 2 hours had passed by! Bless her!
I had dozed off to sleep! she said we all love you! You are a credit to yourself after all you have been through! I loved seeing her today!
We are going over tomorrow to spend some time with her as she is real ill!
sandy

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<sniff>

I saw mine a few days before she died. She was well enough for her sister to drive her up but not to get out of the car. We had a good chat, and she had finally been booked into hospital for an operation. She'd been told she was incurable by an NHS consultant, and finally decided to go private. She saw the SAME consultant who immediately booked her for an emergency operation but died before she got there (aortic aneurysm)

At first I was a bit bitter about the way she was treated, but as her sister pointed out she'd lost her husband of 60+ years only about a year ago, and like him (and me) she would have preferred to go quickly rather than linger, so I suppose it ended about as well as it could.

The last time I saw my other aunt was at their 60th wedding party, she was starting to get a bit infirm and similarly didn't last much longer, which was probably better than the alternative.

My mother is an absolute sweetheart, I'm sure you'd love her, but she gets very frustrated (and frustrating!) because of all the things she can no longer do. On the one hand I want her to live forever, but on the other I'd rather she goes soon before she disintegrates in a way she would NOT enjoy.