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Hi been to see mum, Back home now

Hi Trinkwasser,
Just had the dreaded phone call from my mum! she asked why i didnot visit her again while she was in hospital!
i said that i found that i couldnot after all she ahd said to me! She started going on how about that if i had been the perfect daughter then she would not be the way she was!
She said that i am a insult to her! I was a mistake, she carried on shouting down the phone to me! She said that i did not phone her or talk to her yesterday! I said yesterday was about me for once and not her!
She then informed me that on the 26th of july she is going into hospital as she has a condition that means that she has a blood clot behind her eye that needs removing! and there is every chance that she could die on the operating table! Then i would be happy if she was dead!
I am sorry I had to put the phone down on her! I once again ended up crying, I have decided that no matter what happens i cannot take the sort of pain she is dishing out!
I just can't take it anymore I can't take the emotional turmoil that she is giving me!
Sandy
 
I believe in Karma
Not necessarily by that name. you obviously have a lot of love to give so definitely a lot will come back to you, It may be from Hayley, who in your family is definitely your other parent. Keep her, she sounds wonderful and loyal. Keep loving your Mum, it might get through to her sometime. As a Mum and a Granadma myself, I can't see how she could not love her child. perhaps she just doesn't really know how. Certainly Hayley, who is obviously a very loving person, has stuck with her for more than your lifetime, so there must be something there.
try not to get bitter, even though you have been very hurt.
 
the same as hana really sandy,
im so sorry shes hurt u again , as u know we are all here for u,
sending u lots of hugs hunni :D
 
Hi Sandy,

I really feel for you and what you are going through. I had hard times with my mum, from times when I was only six and she took an overdose(because of depression) and I had to be examined because medics thought that she had given me pills as well!! through to age 12 when I had the worst beating of my life(why did no one seem to know she was hitting me - I never told anyone because she always told me it was my fault and that I had to be "Smacked" as she called it - when you think it is your fault you believe that you deserve to be hit(sounds crazy I know) I was scared of my mum even in my twenties, then something just "clicked" and I realised none of it had been my fault and I did not deserve to be hit when I was younger. When I had my daughter and son, I vowed I would never once raise my hand to my children in any way shape or form and I never ever have - my kids are now mid and late teens and I have a fantastic relationship with them. Although I always kept in touch regularly with my mum and she used to stay with us every couple of weeks, all through my life she used to try and antagonise all the time by saying things mainly like how wonderful her friends children were to their mothers - compared to me!! - my mum had a hip replacement a few years ago and I nursed her for weeks at my house, helped her to the toilet, showered her and dressed her and she became meek, mild and grateful - then when she was better she returned back to her normal way "THEY SAY A LEOPARD NEVER CHANGES ITS SPOTS" - but you just bite your tongue, let her say her piece and let it not worry you. My mum passed away suddenly last year and through all her bad points, I still loved her, because she did have her good points as well - my mum did not have a very good childhood herself and maybe that is what made her the way she was.

So I know it is hard but try to remember you mums' good points and the happy times you have had with her as well cos one day she won't be there. xxxx
 
Hi Ang,
Like you my mother would often hit me, I ended up with a few broken bones from her, I never told anyone about it! I would say that i had fallen down the stairs!
I know that it may sound strange but at the minute I feel so sorry for her! My grandparents loved her to bits but they told me that she had always been this way!
I feel for her! She has somewhere along the lines got problems! I belived everytime she hit me i deserved to be hit! Because i was a bad girl! Then when i hit 16 I got married to a very voilent man! where i got beaten so much! He is now in prision for 14 years for attempted murder! Xrs my fiancee saved my life! He found me as we were just friends back then! He found me on the kitchen floor, He had stabbed me and nearly killed me!
Luckly now after all those years i found my true love! He saved me, we are very close and we look after each other!
Maybe if my mum had not treated me the way that she did i would never have married my ex husband!
I have been settled now for just over 6 years now, been safe and secure in a loving relationship!
Been for my blood tests today as back at the diabeties clinic next thursday! Hopefully my tests will be okay! I have been behaving myslef where food is concerned!
Sandy
 
There's a book on Borderline called "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me!" the title alone kinda sums it up.

My Ex was a wonderful wife when she wanted to be, but saved everything up for that week in every month when she became Mrs Hyde, and let it all out. A friend had a girlfriend who was very similar. Once when he had a broken leg she jumped on it and broke it all over again. There's some kind of emotional/hormonal overreactivity involved, and probably an abusive childhood or background may be a factor (but then many people, like you, survive the latter without the former)

<uploads some Andrex for your puppy avatar>
 
Hi Trinkwasser,
My grandparents had three daughters, my mother is the only one like this! My auntie's say that my mother was always this way!
I have to go and see my uncle this weekend, as just found out that my auntie June is very sick bless her she is 82, she weighed a pound when she was born and they said she would not see a week! here is still bless her!
She is a great auntie, I will miss her when she goes but have lots of fond memories of her!
Ouch luckly i don't have that problem I only ahev a period once every six months and only for one day!
i never get ratty or nasty,i just get tired and have searing belly pains for two whole day's then over with!
i could never hurt anyone, I would rather chop my fingers off than hurt someone! call me strange, but i don't like voilence never have!
My mother just see's me as being a evil child! because i once dared to say no to her when i was 4 years old! Something to do with taking the dog for a walk! haley did not live with us at the time she was in and out at that time!
As my mother would accuse her of giving me treats behind her back! yes okay every thursday lunch at school haley would pick me up and go for fish and chips and a ice cream! It was our little bit of time together where i could tell her how i felt and what was going on!
I don't hate my mum! I dislike her at the minute! hate is such a powerful word! I don't like using that word!
Sandy
 
sandymaynard said:
My auntie's say that my mother was always this way!
Click to expand...

Yes sadly I think something was broken and could never be repaired. :(

At least you had Hayley and your aunts to prove it was her and not you!

Sympathies, I lost two aunts recently. Both in their late eighties and they'd had good lives. One I knew well, the other less so (because of where she lived), they were both sweet people.
 
Hi Trinkwasser,
saw my auntie earlier luckly she lives close! Bless her she looks so fraile!
Oh i thought i will break her if i give her a hug! She knew about my mum! She sat up in bed and said come here my little one!
I laid on her bed as she stroked my head as she did when i was small and she sang to me! Next thing i knew 2 hours had passed by! Bless her!
I had dozed off to sleep! she said we all love you! You are a credit to yourself after all you have been through! I loved seeing her today!
We are going over tomorrow to spend some time with her as she is real ill!
sandy
 
I don't know your mother but from the posts I have read on here it seems to me that she may have Asperger's Syndrome which means she cannot handle her own, or other people's emotions. People with AS are very difficult to deal with when they have an illness, or medical condtion, for this reason. If you read up on Asperger's Syndrome you may get some insight and understand why she is behaving this way. It is not personal to you, she would be the same with any other daughter/son. This is hard to remember and hard not to be hurt even you know this. She is pushing you away because she cannot handle the emotions. Just say to her that you are determined not to get upset and to be strong and just vent your emotions when away from here. It is terribly tough but different people react differently and as hurtful as this is for you, I feel that it is best for you both if you accept that is the way it is. You cannot be blamed for her diabetes and you cannot be blamed for wanting a loving relationship with your mother. You are a caring person who is unable, for no fault of your own, to care for your mother as you would like. I hope you are somehow able to communicate with your mother and be on good terms before she dies. I have worked as a community carer and I have seen how differently people deal with the idea of their life coming to an end and some people who have been humorous and jolly people generally have changed in to being bitter and angry people. We don't know how we would react in such a situation. I hope I would be like the people admire, calm and strong, but I don't think I can guarantee that.
 
Hi Jenrose,
I just have to stand to one side and allow her to be there! I keep allowing myself to come close to her then have her rip me apart again!
I have tried all my life to get her to love me! But i have to admit that i can't force her to love me! I just keep telling her that I love her!
I would love to have a normal mum and daughter relationship but that will never happen! I have tried!
I have never judged her i have always stood up for her! I have tried to protect her from harm!
Sandy
 
sandymaynard said:
Hi Trinkwasser,
saw my auntie earlier luckly she lives close! Bless her she looks so fraile!
Oh i thought i will break her if i give her a hug! She knew about my mum! She sat up in bed and said come here my little one!
I laid on her bed as she stroked my head as she did when i was small and she sang to me! Next thing i knew 2 hours had passed by! Bless her!
I had dozed off to sleep! she said we all love you! You are a credit to yourself after all you have been through! I loved seeing her today!
We are going over tomorrow to spend some time with her as she is real ill!
sandy
Click to expand...

<sniff>

I saw mine a few days before she died. She was well enough for her sister to drive her up but not to get out of the car. We had a good chat, and she had finally been booked into hospital for an operation. She'd been told she was incurable by an NHS consultant, and finally decided to go private. She saw the SAME consultant who immediately booked her for an emergency operation but died before she got there (aortic aneurysm)

At first I was a bit bitter about the way she was treated, but as her sister pointed out she'd lost her husband of 60+ years only about a year ago, and like him (and me) she would have preferred to go quickly rather than linger, so I suppose it ended about as well as it could.

The last time I saw my other aunt was at their 60th wedding party, she was starting to get a bit infirm and similarly didn't last much longer, which was probably better than the alternative.

My mother is an absolute sweetheart, I'm sure you'd love her, but she gets very frustrated (and frustrating!) because of all the things she can no longer do. On the one hand I want her to live forever, but on the other I'd rather she goes soon before she disintegrates in a way she would NOT enjoy.
 
Hi Trinkwasser,
Ah bless you! I love everybody's mum! I visit my best friends mum's all the time! My friends don't know how lucky they are!
My auntie is so strong willed! She is a pure fighter! Popping over tomorrow afternoon to go and see her! I have to go and give her the necklace that i have bought for her birthday! As d-day is the same day as her birthday! But i want to give her this locket now! I had a picture of my uncle and one of her srunk down to go inside of the locket and a picture of me!
I get so emotional i know i am going tolose her soon! I think she knows it as well! But she always puts me first! She always taps the bed for me to lay along side her! She strokes my head as she did when i was a little child!
I will miss her something awful! I know my uncle will as well! I feel for him as they have are still in love as they were when they met!
Ah bless them!
Off i go now, crying my eyes out now!
Sandy
 
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