Hi everybody, Just got back from seeing haley!

Sandy
Your Mum has real problems. You have to try to understand, but at the same time do what you can to support Hayley. She obviously loves you. She is your other parent. Is there anyone who can talk to your Mum?
She needs help
Perhaps you do too and Hayley does. What she did just shows it.
Whaever you do don't forget to take care of yourself. If you get ill, it won't help anyone.

Sandy, your parents have some very real problems. You say that there is psychiatric involvement, what about social services?

Are the people involved in looking after each of your parents aware of the domestic violence?

In the area I live, if someone started to talk about these kinds of issues it would trigger our "Safeguarding Vulnerable Adults" procedures. When there are "robust" procedures in place to protect vulnerable adults, and from what I have read both of your parents are vulnerable adults, they are very discrete and no one need ever know who made the initial report. You could contact social services yourself, if you talk to someone in the hospital and they don't take you seriously, make sure you talk to social services and lay it on the line.

These procedures are designed to work in the real world with real people who have the right to make descisions that put themselves at risk. Sometimes the stress can be reduced by making sure that the right support is available. I don't know what support your parents get, but looking after someone with a serious physical health problem is hard work, both your parents have health problems. They won't get the right help if no one knows about the problems.

You can also contact the Broken Rainbow helpline, Monday: 2 - 8pm, Wednesday: 10 - 1pm or Thursday: 2 - 8pm on 08452 60 44 60. Broken Rainbow is a domestic violence organisation specifically for people in same sex relationships.
http://www.broken-rainbow.org.uk/

Hi

In regards to social services contact with adults its a very grey area as they themselves have to agree and for help due to the fact they are adults and can make their own choices, yeah i know its mad, but thats how the law stands, its not like the childrens act where 1 law protects all, with adults you have to dip in and out of several laws!!!!

Unless their is a diagnosis of mental health then mental health teams wont touch you with a barge pole, to get a diagnosis you need psychiatric input, so its a viscious circle.

If their are physical needs you can ask for an assessment of need which every adult is entitled to under Community Care Act 1990 (but again they have to agree to this being done and if you fit the guidelines and have needs to be met) and this may trigger some input from mental health services (this is if the social worker completes a comprehensive assessment!!! and if your mum agrees to have services in place, these can be used as a monitoring process)

Again to implement the vulnerable adults procedure is a complicated process even with the No Secrets Policy this is due to the fact that people are adults and unless has a diagnosis of a mental health condition then they are deemed to have capacity to make decisions so if they refuse, no action is taken. Its mad and so frustrating but i deal with this on a day to day basis

Hopefully if your mum agrees to become an impatient voluntary, then she will recieve the help and this should start the chain of events she obviously needs

Good luck, you seem a very special person and remember all the insults your mum throws at you try not to take them personally as it is words spoken to get a response and you always hit out at the ones closest to you.

Sandy you yourself can get support, even if its only to chat with someone as its very frustrating, talk to social services, see what they can offer for your mum and haley they are both vulnerable and need support in their own right, but again this all comes down to the assessment of need.

Keep you chin up

Juliexx

candy1567/Julie is right, it is very frustrating. There is not one clear law which covers all adults. And with adults, they have the right to refuse help and make bad decisions. And I, for one, wouldn't want my right to make decisions, including the bad ones, to be removed. This means that people can, and do, make decisions that some people think very unwise.

However, this does not let the professionals off the hook. If someone flags up a concern, it has to be investigated - even if the vulnerable person says that they don't want to make any changes and refused to cooperate. However, you will find that different people have different apporaches to this, whatever their guidelines say.

you are doing the right thing sandy, thinking of you

Thank God! is all I can say.

Her behaviour sounds exactly like the I Hate You, Don't Leave Me! syndrome of Borderline. This can be hard to treat, mainly because the patient generally beileves there is nothing wrong with her (usually but not exclusively they are female, the male equivalent is Narcissistic PD) so her admitting this is a MAJOR step.

Probably some form of antidepressant or anticonvulsant to turn down her emotional overreactivlty, and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, which is a derivative of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, will help. The real difficult bit is going to be trying to support her without setting her off on one again.