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Hi everybody, Just got back from seeing haley!

S

sandymaynard

Well-Known Member
Messages
696
Hi everybody,
We decided to travel up early hours of the morning to see haley as she still is in hospital!
I had already phoned the hospital they told me she was in a sideroom!
When i arrived and went in this morning, I found that she was linked up to all kinds of machines, I asked for info off the doctor!
The doctor said haley had taken a overdose this helped towards the second heart attack! I could not believe that haley would do such a thing!
I went in and talked to her, she broke down and told me that my mum had turned pure evil and she had been hitting her! She decided the best way was to take pills!
I said no way your best way is that you moce into our home well away from my mum if this is what she is doing!
Haley said i must be gone before my mum arrives at midday i asked why, Haley went onto explain that my mum would start shouting and screaming!
Problem is that my mum turned up early at 11am, Off she went screaming and shouting, telling me this is all my fault how if i was never born etc!
Lots of other horrid comments, she said she wished i was dead!
With that we came home and now i am settled back at home, had a chicken salad for my evening meal, must admit havenot eaten alot because of what has happened with haley and my mum!
Sandy
 
Sandy
Your Mum has real problems. You have to try to understand, but at the same time do what you can to support Hayley. She obviously loves you. She is your other parent. Is there anyone who can talk to your Mum?
She needs help
Perhaps you do too and Hayley does. What she did just shows it.
Whaever you do don't forget to take care of yourself. If you get ill, it won't help anyone.
 
Hi Hanadr
Haley is under a pycho at the hospital at the minute! She is trying to get my mum to see one as well!
I will always stand by my mum and haley! I did give my mum a hug and told her even though she hates me i still love her and that will never change! She will always be my mum!
I also said to haley that i am proud of her as she has been like a mum to me! I asked haley if me and my fiancee do get married and she is still around will she give me away!
She then joked around, And said how much do i charge for giving you away?
Ah bless her!
I have phoned my mum, And told her that I am here for her and she will not push me away from her as she is my mum and that will never change!
She started to cry saying it is her fault that haley is in hospital! I said to her that she needs help urgent please!
She is going to go into the pysco unit at their local hospital as a inpatient for a few days!
I said mum i am so proud of you! She asked why?
I simply answered you have admitted that you have a problem, now you want help! I want her to be in my life and be there for her! I do love her as i told her she is special to me!
Most kids get one mum! I got two mum's who i am very proud of! She admitted that she is jealous of me and haley! I said mum i want to be able to show you alot of love like i can haley!
Before she hung up she said, I do love you i will always be your mum, i am so sorry!
I just replied, mum i love you so much, please get help as soon as!
Sandy
 
Sandy, your parents have some very real problems. You say that there is psychiatric involvement, what about social services?

Are the people involved in looking after each of your parents aware of the domestic violence?

In the area I live, if someone started to talk about these kinds of issues it would trigger our "Safeguarding Vulnerable Adults" procedures. When there are "robust" procedures in place to protect vulnerable adults, and from what I have read both of your parents are vulnerable adults, they are very discrete and no one need ever know who made the initial report. You could contact social services yourself, if you talk to someone in the hospital and they don't take you seriously, make sure you talk to social services and lay it on the line.

These procedures are designed to work in the real world with real people who have the right to make descisions that put themselves at risk. Sometimes the stress can be reduced by making sure that the right support is available. I don't know what support your parents get, but looking after someone with a serious physical health problem is hard work, both your parents have health problems. They won't get the right help if no one knows about the problems.

You can also contact the Broken Rainbow helpline, Monday: 2 - 8pm, Wednesday: 10 - 1pm or Thursday: 2 - 8pm on 08452 60 44 60. Broken Rainbow is a domestic violence organisation specifically for people in same sex relationships.
http://www.broken-rainbow.org.uk/
 
Hi

In regards to social services contact with adults its a very grey area as they themselves have to agree and for help due to the fact they are adults and can make their own choices, yeah i know its mad, but thats how the law stands, its not like the childrens act where 1 law protects all, with adults you have to dip in and out of several laws!!!!

Unless their is a diagnosis of mental health then mental health teams wont touch you with a barge pole, to get a diagnosis you need psychiatric input, so its a viscious circle.

If their are physical needs you can ask for an assessment of need which every adult is entitled to under Community Care Act 1990 (but again they have to agree to this being done and if you fit the guidelines and have needs to be met) and this may trigger some input from mental health services (this is if the social worker completes a comprehensive assessment!!! and if your mum agrees to have services in place, these can be used as a monitoring process)

Again to implement the vulnerable adults procedure is a complicated process even with the No Secrets Policy this is due to the fact that people are adults and unless has a diagnosis of a mental health condition then they are deemed to have capacity to make decisions so if they refuse, no action is taken. Its mad and so frustrating but i deal with this on a day to day basis

Hopefully if your mum agrees to become an impatient voluntary, then she will recieve the help and this should start the chain of events she obviously needs

Good luck, you seem a very special person and remember all the insults your mum throws at you try not to take them personally as it is words spoken to get a response and you always hit out at the ones closest to you.

Sandy you yourself can get support, even if its only to chat with someone as its very frustrating, talk to social services, see what they can offer for your mum and haley they are both vulnerable and need support in their own right, but again this all comes down to the assessment of need.

Keep you chin up

Juliexx
 
candy1567/Julie is right, it is very frustrating. There is not one clear law which covers all adults. And with adults, they have the right to refuse help and make bad decisions. And I, for one, wouldn't want my right to make decisions, including the bad ones, to be removed. This means that people can, and do, make decisions that some people think very unwise.

However, this does not let the professionals off the hook. If someone flags up a concern, it has to be investigated - even if the vulnerable person says that they don't want to make any changes and refused to cooperate. However, you will find that different people have different apporaches to this, whatever their guidelines say.
 
Hi everybody,
Thank you all for you comments, I would not get the social work involved for a very good reason, They got involved when i was at school because my parents were a same sex couple. They did not like the idea of it back in the 80's! They tried to take me into care, But luckly I knew that my uncle paul, is not my uncle paul he is my dad! And he made the social work back off as he said if needs be i will go and live with him and his wife!
Luckly they fully backed off! I think this is where all my mums problems came about! This and the birth of me, nearly losing me in labour! I think this has made her so emotionally upset at the end of the day!
I have spoken to my mum today, and talked about her getting help! She has promised that she is going to see her gp tomorrow and ask to be put in as a inpatient for help!
I am proud of her! Yes it has taken years for her to admit she has a problem! But she finally has admitted it! I have asked her to try her best and try to be involved in the treatment!
She ahs promised she will do her best! I have also told her that no one can force her and this has to be her decision!
She thanked me for never giving up on her! My mum said she wished that she had done this alot earlier! i know this is a big step for her to be able to ask for help!
I can only stand by and help her by holding her hand and telling her everyday that i love her! I will stand by my mums no matter what happens, My mum is 75 and haley is 73 this year!
Sandy
 
Thank God! is all I can say.

Her behaviour sounds exactly like the I Hate You, Don't Leave Me! syndrome of Borderline. This can be hard to treat, mainly because the patient generally beileves there is nothing wrong with her (usually but not exclusively they are female, the male equivalent is Narcissistic PD) so her admitting this is a MAJOR step.

Probably some form of antidepressant or anticonvulsant to turn down her emotional overreactivlty, and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy, which is a derivative of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, will help. The real difficult bit is going to be trying to support her without setting her off on one again.
 
hi trinkwasser,
I have told her no matter what has happens i will stand by her! She ahs taken the first step on a long road!
It will be a big upheavel for her! But at least she has made the step of getting help for herself she needed a wake up call! Shame it had to come in her 70's!
I have my fingers crossed that all will go well! I will never stop loving her and she knows that i tell her everytime i talk to her!
Sandy
 
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