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How can I stop my fears?

H

Haley

Member
Messages
6
Type of diabetes
Type 1
I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at the age of 29 in 2014. I am currently the only member of my family who is diabetic and because I never had to think about it before my diagnosis I never worried about my children. Now that I live with this condition I am constantly living in fear that my children will have the same fate as me and it leaves me with sleepless nights and I don't think I could bare the guilt. How do I get past this?
 
Well if they did get T1, they would be lucky to have a parent with T1 who would be able to help them. You would be able to see the symptoms earlier than most parents, so you would save them a lot of unnecessary suffering upon diagnosis. (I managed to avoid DKA, and be diagnosed as T1 with an HbA1c of only 6.7%, because my mum recognised the symptoms of T1 very quickly when I was 17 years old. I'm so glad that she did!). You could help them with carb counting, dose calculation, adjusting to exercise, hypo recognition and treatment, so many things that a non diabetic parent wouldn't have any experience with. Anyway, you couldn't have avoided this since you didn't know you were T1 before you had children. And bear in mind that the risk is very low, hardly any greater than a child with two nondiabetic parents. Nobody else in my family is a T1 (that I know of) for example. So you can't change the past, but in the unlikely event that they are diagnosed T1, they will be in a better situation than most.
 
Hi there @Haley
welcome to the forum !!
I can totally understand your fear -- I was diagnosed 45 years ago aged 14 and my parents I know were riddled with fear and guilt at the time-- I have lived a fairly normal life -- ups and downs like all of us -- and I am pretty sure my parents are proud of me .
they are now both 83

( what am I really saying ) give yourself time , try to just live each day as it comes , try to put the worry into perspective -- it might never happen.

all the best !!
x
 
Hi and welcome, @Haley !

Deep breaths. One step at a time.

None of us - diabetic or otherwise - knows what's round the corner! Try not it let you stop you living a normal life. Treatments and technology are changing all the time - things are very different now than 30+ years ago when I was diagnosed.

Nobody is at fault for anyone else's type 1 diabetes - it's not a blame game. We're all our own heady mix of compounds and chemicals. I'm the only one in my family with diabetes. There are plenty of people with diabetes on here who are parents of children who don't have diabetes. But even if they do develop it, what better support could they have than from someone who knows what's what? They'd be in absolutely excellent hands.

Please don't fear things that might not happen. Live your life each day at a time.

Big hugs.

Love Snapsy
:)
 
I have the same fears and I was selfish enough to have my children already having type 1 so knew the risk! I deeply deeply regret it and know they will blame me if they get diagnosed but I cannot undo them now they are here.
My dad is t1 so we have it in two generations already which means they will almost certainly develop it at some point.

I have no advice but do know how you feel. At least take comfort in the fact that you couldn't have predicted it and also as you are the only one with it in the family their risk isn't that high.
 
Also it never helps me if people say 'oh but they would be lucky as you already understand and know what to do'
Yeah - but they'd only have it because of me! So not so lucky actually... if they had a different mother they'd probably never have had it in the first place.
 
when I was diagnosed we had already had a child, the first thing I asked my consultant was "will my son develop it because of me" the answer probably not, he will be no more at risk than anyone else out there. so do I feel guilty? yes I do but I also recognise that he may never develop it but I watch him like a hawk and as to now, nothing (he's 21 now) I know how you may be feeling but try and relax and enjoy your children, but just keep a watchful eye on them.
 
I'm a terrible worrier that I'll leave my young kids without a mum.

So I know that fear of making sure I do my best for them.
Utimately if you've done your best, in your current knowledge and abilities then you are a fantastic mum.
When looking back just remember......we do the best, at the time.
Any decent person does.
Enjoy your kids, they aren't kids for long!
 
Huge hugs to you - I hope you find some peace and take the other excellent advice already given.

I know it's a worry. My mum was type 1 diabetic and deaf, and actually advised (the good old 1970s) by everyone not to have children, due to problems managing type 1 pregnancies then, and the risk that I'd be deaf (and also the assumption she was incapable because she was deaf). I'm thrilled that attitudes and technology have moved on exponentially since then.

I'm very glad, on my own behalf, that she ignored the worries. I didn't turn out to be diabetic or deaf as a child and she was a great mother. I started going deaf in my 20s and have now lost almost all my hearing. Diabetes, I had problems in pregnancy at age 30, and was probably prediabetic since then, but it's only this year at the grand old age of 40 it's really been a big issue and I was diagnosed as type 2. But in both deafness and diabetes, management and technology mean that what I face and have to deal with is very different to what she did.

Deafness: my mum was very isolated from communication, even within our own family. Me - I think I have an almost normal life. I can text and hear and talk on a mobile phone, I can hear my family and friends, I can hear the TV, I can go to the theatre and concerts, I can go out to museums and farm parks and be fully part of my family's life. All due to super duper hearing aids and extra devices and a cultural awareness that didn't exist when I was a child. Diabetes: well, if I eventually get diagnosed as a type 1, I don't know what the technology or management of things are now, but I'm assuming that the giant insulin syringes and weird glass vials of things that my mum had to sterilise all the time are not part of it.
 
ickihun said:
I'm a terrible worrier that I'll leave my young kids without a mum.

So I know that fear of making sure I do my best for them.
Utimately if you've done your best, in your current knowledge and abilities then you are a fantastic mum.
When looking back just remember......we do the best, at the time.
Any decent person does.
Enjoy your kids, they aren't kids for long!
Click to expand...
This was almost the case for me last year as I was rushed to intensive care with DKA caused by an infection. This not only scared the life out of me but my children are petrified and they find it hard to leave my side and they are constantly worried that it will happen again.I look at the positives that it has made us all more aware of what can happen and noticing the signs but I just don't want us all living in fear.This has created extra guilt that they could be left without a mother, feel like my head could explode sometimes......
 
Smallbrit said:
Huge hugs to you - I hope you find some peace and take the other excellent advice already given.

I know it's a worry. My mum was type 1 diabetic and deaf, and actually advised (the good old 1970s) by everyone not to have children, due to problems managing type 1 pregnancies then, and the risk that I'd be deaf (and also the assumption she was incapable because she was deaf). I'm thrilled that attitudes and technology have moved on exponentially since then.

I'm very glad, on my own behalf, that she ignored the worries. I didn't turn out to be diabetic or deaf as a child and she was a great mother. I started going deaf in my 20s and have now lost almost all my hearing. Diabetes, I had problems in pregnancy at age 30, and was probably prediabetic since then, but it's only this year at the grand old age of 40 it's really been a big issue and I was diagnosed as type 2. But in both deafness and diabetes, management and technology mean that what I face and have to deal with is very different to what she did.

Deafness: my mum was very isolated from communication, even within our own family. Me - I think I have an almost normal life. I can text and hear and talk on a mobile phone, I can hear my family and friends, I can hear the TV, I can go to the theatre and concerts, I can go out to museums and farm parks and be fully part of my family's life. All due to super duper hearing aids and extra devices and a cultural awareness that didn't exist when I was a child. Diabetes: well, if I eventually get diagnosed as a type 1, I don't know what the technology or management of things are now, but I'm assuming that the giant insulin syringes and weird glass vials of things that my mum had to sterilise all the time are not part of it.
Click to expand...
I am also deaf in my right ear due to mumps in the 80's (allergic to the MMR vaccine) so I can understand the fears, the isolation but am also thankful for advancements in technology so we can all find a way to communicate your mum sounds like an amazing woman overcoming adversity and I thank you for your advice. I'm sure the guilt may fade over time but it just feels so raw and fresh at the moment and probably will do until I learn how to crack this thing! I am determined but I just don't want it as a life for my girls. They are 14, 13 and 10 I want them to be healthy and happy. I suppose that's what every parent aims to achieve.
 
Haley said:
I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at the age of 29 in 2014. I am currently the only member of my family who is diabetic and because I never had to think about it before my diagnosis I never worried about my children. Now that I live with this condition I am constantly living in fear that my children will have the same fate as me and it leaves me with sleepless nights and I don't think I could bare the guilt. How do I get past this?
Click to expand...
I know what you mean and I share the same feeling with you. I found out about my diabetes 2 months ago, my mum and has it as well as her sisters and brothers, so here I have it too. I had healthy weight, healthy diet, but inherited diabetes from my mum. And I was thinking my boys might or likely one day will have it too.. I told them to cut down on carbs and sweet stuff but they brush it away ( both are students living away from home). They know little about this disease, just like me before I was diagnosed, so they don't see it as a real threat. I don't want to scare them, but don't know how to make them aware of it either. My heart is heavy with guilt too..
 
johnpol said:
when I was diagnosed we had already had a child, the first thing I asked my consultant was "will my son develop it because of me" the answer probably not, he will be no more at risk than anyone else out there. so do I feel guilty? yes I do but I also recognise that he may never develop it but I watch him like a hawk and as to now, nothing (he's 21 now) I know how you may be feeling but try and relax and enjoy your children, but just keep a watchful eye on them.
Click to expand...
I had all of my children when I was diagnosed (they are 14, 13 and 10) and like you it was the first question I asked about whether they would be at risk of developing it. It was a major concern that they would possibly get a disgnosis like I did in their 20's. I know all I can do is wait and be there to help them should this be the case ,but the guilt just seems to eat me up. They are healthy and happy now so I am trying to enjoy this rather than wait for the worst to happen.
 
Red_river_ said:
I know what you mean and I share the same feeling with you. I found out about my diabetes 2 months ago, my mum and has it as well as her sisters and brothers, so here I have it too. I had healthy weight, healthy diet, but inherited diabetes from my mum. And I was thinking my boys might or likely one day will have it too.. I told them to cut down on carbs and sweet stuff but they brush it away ( both are students living away from home). They know little about this disease, just like me before I was diagnosed, so they don't see it as a real threat. I don't want to scare them, but don't know how to make them aware of it either. My heart is heavy with guilt too..
Click to expand...
I also feel that there needs to be a better understanding and more education on this condition as sometimes it feels like people don't realise how dangerous this condition can be. I am quite lucky with my girls as they have been very keen to learn about it and they often come onto this site to educate themselves. When I was diagnosed I thought it was a UTI my weight as fine and everything was healthy, I was just urinating more frequently and very thirsty. I hope that your children are not affected but educate themselves so that they know what to do in emergency situations. Thank you for your reply.
 
Thank you everybody for taking the time to offer your wonderful advice. I truly hope that there will be a way to prevent this condition for future generations and people will realise that diabetes is not a joke, I don't find it funny and neither does anybody else with this condition. Education is needed more than ever. Keep fighting the good fight, your advice means more than you could ever know.
 
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