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Husband type 2 - Won't help himself!! Help!

B

balders

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Hi. I'm new to the forum and would really appreciate some help. My husband was diagnosed with type 2 in the early part of this year finally due to his weight! I was not surprised at all because he was showing all the classic signs for quite a while. He went into absolute denial, then anger (my fault for making him go to the doctor) and has now settled into some sort of indifference. He is taking quite a high dose of Metaformin(?) but is not doing his blood testing very often. I've sneaked a peek at his records and the lowest BG reading he has got down to is around 9 but considering he was around 23 when he was diagnosed I suppose there has been some progress.

My problem is that he has now been called to go and see the doctor after a Colesterol test, which is not a good sign and he is being very stubborn. His comment was 'well if they want to see me they can make me an appointment'!!!!!!!!!!!! I am at my wits end, he just doesn't seem to get it.

He has an appointment with the dietician tomorrow, do you think I should go with him? I am the one who prepares all the meals and have put him on a salad diet but his weight has not gone down, he is around 22 st, 6ft tall.

We have two children and I have tried the guilt trip thing but he just get angry with me and retreats into himeself even more. He is very stubborn and I really don't know what to do to help him see sense.

I would appreciate you advice.
 
Absolutely, go to the dietitian with him. Personally, it was very good for both of us to hear that we were doing the right things for my diabetes.

Regards, Tubs.
 
It looks like you are really looking after three kids here and one of them is particularly badly behaved !

Many people go through a period of emotional instability after being diagnosed. Unfortunately all that anger is being directed at you and quite unreasonably so. Although you are giving him salads, I expect the reason why he is not losing weight is because he is eating / drinking outside the house.
It's "And I'll show them" sort of thing.

I know of a detective who was put on a weight losing diet by his wife. She made up a tupperware box for him every day. When it came to lunch he would open the box and throw it (not necessarily closed up again) over his shoulder into the back of the sqad car. What a mess! He would then get a fish/pie/chicken supper with his mates instead.

NB: If the guy had been a dog handler it wouldn't have been so bad.

I do think it is a good idea for you to visit him with the dietician. At least you can get her point of view about what she thinks would be a good idea for him.

Perhaps a good starting point would be for your husband to list all his favourite foods. Then see if you can come up with a lower carb, lower calorie, smaller portion, healthier substitute.

Eg cornflakes and milk (vegetable omlette)

pie, beans and chips (roast chicken, vegetables and a small amount of butter, boiled potatoes)

lager and crips (low carb beer and a few macadamia nuts).

It sounds like you are having an awful time right now. With time things will settle. Meanwhile, although you want to help him as much as you can, do avoid becoming a frazzled wreck in the process. You will need a break from him, so perhaps you could call a friend so you can go out and have some kind of diversionary fun?

Remember that YOU are NOT responsible for HIS feelings or behaviour. HE is.
 
It's extra hard on you, because you can't actually do anything about the way he feels and when you try to help, it all gets thrown back in your face.
You say he developed diabetes, because of his weight. About 3/4 of overweight people don't have diabetes, so it's not that simple and losing the weight won't make it go away.
the weight was probably a factor, but it makes everything worse if you play the "blame game"
Treat it as bad luck, which it is and move forward from there.
Is there anyone he will talk to?
He didn't feel ill probably and now you tell him he has a Nasty disease. The mindset he needs to get to is the "I can control this thing"
Diabetes is not an end. It can be a new beginning. It needs a different lifestyle.
You say he doesn't test much. I'm surprised he's been told to. Most doctors now tell T2 diabetics that they don't need to test.
You will have to let him come round to it and pushing is likely to make him hostile.
I've been coping with my husband for 35 years and I still have trouble witth him sometimes.
 
Hiya Balders - I was recently diagnosed with Type 2 as well - just 3 weeks ago to be precise. I was pretty much the same at first, nope this aint happening to me, i'll still eat what I want when I want, but after a very near scare the day I came out of hosp resulting in me going back in the next morning, I decided that MAYBE it will be a good idea to follow the docs advice.

I completely understand how your hubby feels, but he does need to listen and do what he ie being asked, he has a wife and two kids to consider and if he carries on there's a good chance he wont be long for Planet Earth.

For starters, I think you have come to the right place - the people on here are awesome and all know exactly what your talking about, what these people wont know, probably aint worth knowing in the first place - and I dont think many of them are medically trained - just the knowledge that comes with living with diabetes or with a diabetic.

He really needs to get a grip and take this by the horns, to speak, and move forward in a very positive way, both of you need to go to the dietician so you can BOTH understand how important a good diet is in fighting diabetes - when you say a high dose of Metformin, I'm on 1500mgs a day and they are talking of maybe icreasing that to 2000mgs to give me a bit of a boost in getting BM's down below 10 on a regular basis (im currently between 9.2 and 16.8)


So all in all - smack his bum, put him in bed early for being naughty and stop him playing on the PS3 or Wiii for a week - soon sort him out hun :D
And dont get all in a tizzzzzzzz yourself, you'll only make yourself ill

Jimbo
 
Sadly you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink!

So what can you do?

I suspect that part of the reasons that he won't face his condidtion is that he is actually scared, not testing levels extra enable himm to hid, if he doesn't know what his levels are doing, then igeroance becomes bliss ect..

As you say you are the main meal maker, so assume that you do the most shopping of groceries... You need to learn to carb count, and no how foods such as potaotoes, pasta and rice even bread reacts with in the body and there carb content... then you plan

I suspect if you said to him that right you're going to go low carb as from tomorrow, he might just ahve a paddy or do as a old work collegue husband used to do... Play by the rules at home but once outside the house and on his own, fry ups, chips pasties and all sort behind her back (and he wsn't a diabetic) Best way to avoidd this is slowly change the type of carbs he has, and the ones that normally cause the most difficulties such as potatoes, rice, pasta slowly cut the the portion size of these so that he's not that aware of what you are up too... and slowly drop the bad items such as biscuits, cakes little by little if they not in the cupboard can't snack on them and replace with some of the low carb snack mentioned in the food forum...

If he's not willing to change eating habbits, then slow change over a period of time would be a lot better than not at all.....

As for the medical professional side of things, this is very difficult as patients confidencality comes into play... If he's willing for you to attend appointments with you, then yes go if not it could be more difficult...

You can book a appointment with his GP or nurse to discuss problems but they won't make a direct comment on whats going on, but will listen and hopefully when they see him then they will take his reluctance into considerations (you can even rat on him, so they can work on what he's not sayin to them) hopefully if he's being stubbon about appointments should be made by them, ring up and dicuss this with the surgery, if you make the appointment just might aid in a little white lie and say they've made it?

It does take time to get your head around it all, some can take everything on board pretty qucikly but other people can take a lot longer to accept that they have diabetes and yes life is going to change....

It sounds like you need to take a very small step at a time with your husband, but hopefully you'll get there...
 
Thank you all for your replies. I really appreciate your advice.

Unfortunately, I won't be able to go to the dietician with him because I am in training at work when he has the appointment. Interestingly, when I rang him to find out what time the appointment is he didn't even know he had one!!!! Good job I wrote it on the calendar when the letter came in. :roll:

So I'll just have to wait and see what he comes back with.

I am glad I've finally found people who can help me with this problem - sorry I mean my stubborn husband! :wink:
 
Katharine said:
Jimbo said:

smack his bum, put him in bed early for being naughty
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For heaven's sake. Don't do this. You'll never get the guy to shape up! :wink:
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Dunno - hell if ya smack my bum, i'lldo anything !!
Oops - Did I say that out loud again :oops:
 
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