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Husband's 'Support'..............

kazC

Well-Known Member
Messages
64
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Pump
Hi All

apologies in advance, I'm not after specific advice ref diabetes and pregnancy, more to have a rant.

In fact, I'm not even at the end of the 2 week wait yet - that is Friday. We've undergone 2 rounds of IVF, and had an embryo transfer last Monday. So have worked long and hard at potential baby.

Had to wait several years to start trying due to unstable retinopathy. Then needed to settle onto the pump. Finally got the go ahead. Turns out hubby has problems........ Got treated with IVY very quickly in the scheme of things, but I don't think the OH really got how tough it was physically and emotionally.

Have been trying to maintain perfect BG for over 2 year (HbA1c currently 5.5). Which, as you all know, is hard bloomin' work. Add normal pregnancy worries on top of that.

In most ways OH is a diamond. He can test BG, carb counts dinner if he is making it etc etc. So here comes the seemingly petty part.................

We're in our mid-thirties, so have been used to a particular lifestyle. Of course, I am doing whatever I need to to try and achieve the best outcome. But I do like a glass of wine. So, I won't lie and say going teetotal has been easy. It hasn't! I am also not an unreasonable person, so am quite happy for OH to pop to the pup for a pint after work, and to see friends at the weekend. However................ Friday night (usual night out) - 'I will be home with some dinner by 7.30 - home at 8.40'. Saturday afternoon - 'Will be back by 4 with the stuff for dinner. 5.30'. Announces last night that he would like to go to meet a friend to watch cricket final. I smiled through gritted teeth. Match starts at 2.30, for approx 3 hours. He decamps to the pub at 1.30.

My parting words were 'well, perhaps see you at some point this weekend'. I then treated myself to a nice cup of decaff coffee...........

I fear I am turning into the harridan-from-hell. He had done all hoovering and cleaned bathroom prior to going out today. What has happened to me????

Am battling at the moment with massively raised BG due to the progesterone supplements. Also have a cold - no fun without Lemsip, is it?. Feel like I am fighting a losing battle. Woke up this morning at 17.5. I give up.............
 
Ah men!! They do think completely different from us. I get frustrated with my husband at times. Maybe try explaining how you feel and suggest a compromise.

Sorry I haven't any great advice but I definitely sympathise xxx
 
I haven't got one of those and 99% of the time I am glad I haven't lol. All I can say is, chat to him about it, it's' not nothing' and it's not a big deal, but you need a bit of TLC. A partnership or a marriage is team work, with a little give and take.................... good luck.
I hope your BS settles down to single figures very soon, as stress can make it go higher, take care.
 
Speaking from experience, sometimes some men need things spelt out. What might be blindingly obvious to you might not be to him. So perhaps he doesn't realise how much it's getting to you? Could you ask for specific things so he's sure what would help, or maybe explain why you're feeling upset?

I know it sounds a bit annoying to have to ask for support, but at least that way you can be sure he knows and can't plead ignorance!

My final bit of advice is to not let it get to you {{hug}} Concentrate on yourself and your little embryos. Try to zone out any irritations and relax.

Good luck xxx
 
bless your heart I am perhaps the last person to give any advice, hell married and divorced twice but I would find something nice that you would like to do make a date with a friend , girly shop or spa day or just run that nice bubbly bath enjoy the peace and quiet , play the music you like, get hold of those remotes and watch total drivel on the tele if you want. After that if he is late back ,put his dinner in the dog and if no dog it goes in bin x
 
I can sympathise all the way. I certainly get frustrated with my hubby and we too will be going through the hassles very soon. Keeping our bs down is a job and a half in itself. Be gentle with both of you. You need to take some time to relax and just be yourself, and so does he. Going through IVF is a stressful time and all the hormones going through your system right now won't help the situation. Good communication is vital in any good relationship, please just have a calm chat with your OH.
 
Hi everyone

thanks for your words of encouragement. Needed to rant to avoid doing something that would send me to prison!!! Have calmed down a lot and will have a chat tonight when we're both home from work.

K xx
 

lol I do like your style
 
This is from a man’s perspective. I hope you take this constructively, and I wonder if it’s possible and that your husband and I think the same way.

You say that you’re not an unreasonable person and that you don’t mind him seeing friends on the weekend, yet the way I interpreted your post it sounds like you’re getting mad for him seeing his friends on the weekend. That’s confusing to me and I can see how that would be confusing to your husband especially if you haven’t talked to him about this.

It doesn’t sound like he’s ignoring your feelings and you mentioned that he does do things around the house.

Admittedly, sometimes we men do need things spelled out, but we're NEVER mind readers. I think I speak for most men in saying that.

I'm very fortunate that my fiancé and I are able to communicate very well without playing the guessing game. If something bothers her, she tells me how she feels. At that point, if I choose to do it again without discussing it with her I am the one who is wrong. If I feel she is being unreasonable, we will discuss the situation (and I will usually lose anyways, lol).
 
I'm with @TorqPenderloin on this one. One thing men can't do is read minds. My partner tells me explicitly what she thinks. There is no room for misinterpretation that way. Likewise, I am the same with her. When it becomes difficult is when you don't have an open dialogue about things. If one is always guessing what the other wants then it isn't constructive. (I've been there too)

At any point in this conversation, did you say "Honey, I'd like us to spend some time together please. You've seen quite a lot of your friends already this week"? Your comment may have been intended to be a barbed commentary on the fact that you feel he isn't spending time with you, but unless you tell him, (and let's face it, it was last minute, so you legitimately could have said "I'd rather you didn't"), he can't know and you effectively give him the go ahead.

Believe me, most guys much prefer to be openly told what you think than to be left to guess and discover that you're really ****** about something that they haven't been able to interpret.
 
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