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I HAVE a problem

JoeT1

JoeT1

Well-Known Member
Messages
277
Location
Ireland
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Hi All

I hope your weekend has been good.

This evening I have decided to do something that, to be honest, I have probably done in some capacity before but still seem to be struggling and it's coming to a head. I'm 29, I have a good job, I have a nice car, I have great parents, good friends and am seeming to be dealing with Type 1 to a point my DSN is happy with me.

The problem that has lurked for years and years is that I have major major body image issues about myself. I have gone through it all, BEFORE DIAGNOSIS, I would have gone through consistent periods of making myself sick if I ate what I would regard as too much, I would then not do it for long periods, do it again, stop, start, and so on. I was very much a gym regular for a long long time and therefore built muscle and didn't have to do those things.

I've never been happy with my body, even when others would say I am in "great shape" or that I look very muscular, or that I looked lean or whatever it is. I look for absolutely every little issue with my body and am destroying my mind with it. I have gotten to the point where I am weighing myself 2-3 times a day, looking in the mirror a whole pile, shirt on, shirt off, poking, prodding and flexing and always the same conclusion...not good enough, I look fat, I am not lean enough, god, if somebody sees that bit of fat sticking out etc etc.

I spent a large part of this evening doing this very thing, taking a video of myself so I could play it back, look at all the angles and see where I am, and again, conclusion was terrible. I'm so down about my body. Some days I will actually look at it and go, yeah, i'm looking good, you'd know I exercise and so on, but more often than not, I feel like ****.

It's now got to the point it's impacting my life. I get 12-18,000 steps in a day, I eat relatively clean with keto/low carb and I get some weights/press ups etc in. I'm 29, 12st 8lbs and have now only lost 5lbs in 3months of trying, again, whether I need to lose or not, is irrelevant. I feel a little bit lost. Like i'm never going to feel comfortable with my body or comfortable with how others may perceive my body. It's pretty horrible to be honest.

I don't know what's next, it's probably the worst I have felt post diagnosis. Not looking for attention, just, I guess to get it out there.

Thanks.
 
JoeT1 said:
Hi All

I hope your weekend has been good.

This evening I have decided to do something that, to be honest, I have probably done in some capacity before but still seem to be struggling and it's coming to a head. I'm 29, I have a good job, I have a nice car, I have great parents, good friends and am seeming to be dealing with Type 1 to a point my DSN is happy with me.

The problem that has lurked for years and years is that I have major major body image issues about myself. I have gone through it all, BEFORE DIAGNOSIS, I would have gone through consistent periods of making myself sick if I ate what I would regard as too much, I would then not do it for long periods, do it again, stop, start, and so on. I was very much a gym regular for a long long time and therefore built muscle and didn't have to do those things.

I've never been happy with my body, even when others would say I am in "great shape" or that I look very muscular, or that I looked lean or whatever it is. I look for absolutely every little issue with my body and am destroying my mind with it. I have gotten to the point where I am weighing myself 2-3 times a day, looking in the mirror a whole pile, shirt on, shirt off, poking, prodding and flexing and always the same conclusion...not good enough, I look fat, I am not lean enough, god, if somebody sees that bit of fat sticking out etc etc.

I spent a large part of this evening doing this very thing, taking a video of myself so I could play it back, look at all the angles and see where I am, and again, conclusion was terrible. I'm so down about my body. Some days I will actually look at it and go, yeah, i'm looking good, you'd know I exercise and so on, but more often than not, I feel like ****.

It's now got to the point it's impacting my life. I get 12-18,000 steps in a day, I eat relatively clean with keto/low carb and I get some weights/press ups etc in. I'm 29, 12st 8lbs and have now only lost 5lbs in 3months of trying, again, whether I need to lose or not, is irrelevant. I feel a little bit lost. Like i'm never going to feel comfortable with my body or comfortable with how others may perceive my body. It's pretty horrible to be honest.

I don't know what's next, it's probably the worst I have felt post diagnosis. Not looking for attention, just, I guess to get it out there.

Thanks.
Click to expand...
Bless you @JoeT1.
You must be going out of your mind with it all.
I have had dealings with a bariatric psychologist recently and she was brilliant. You need similiar support. Can you self refer? In our area we can. Just a telephone call away.
May be the best telephone call you'll ever make.
Good luck!
 
Have you considered speaking to a psychiatrist?

Not saying you’re going insane.

Body image etc is a major mental health issue. Speaking to a psychiatrist for guidance might help.

Good luck!
 
12 stone 8 lbs is ok! Really!

And congratulations on the good job, nice car, family and friends. And on your honesty. Does it feel better to have told us? I hope it does.

You paint a picture of obsession that makes me want to find some way to help you overcome it; I probably won’t be able to make any difference but I wish I could.

Is there anything you’ve always wanted to do? Something that you’d like to try or would like to learn how to do? Something you could get caught up in? For me it’s been painting, growing different things, enamelling, even welding. Each in turn became something that was in the front of my mind.
The reason I’m telling you this is because it might help to throw yourself wholeheartedly into something else so that your body image isn’t so frequently uppermost.

You’re by no means the only person for whom the idea of physical perfection and dissatisfaction with self has caused distress. I suspect humans have been trying to change the way they look since they first caught sight of their own reflections in a patch of water; cosmetics, combs, tattoos, jewellery, can be found in most collections of pre-historic artefacts.

If you feel you need to seek help then as @Dark Horse says, books and the website given are a start. Your GP may know of people, or groups, in your area too.

Good luck!
 
JoeT1 said:
Hi All

I hope your weekend has been good.

This evening I have decided to do something that, to be honest, I have probably done in some capacity before but still seem to be struggling and it's coming to a head. I'm 29, I have a good job, I have a nice car, I have great parents, good friends and am seeming to be dealing with Type 1 to a point my DSN is happy with me.

The problem that has lurked for years and years is that I have major major body image issues about myself. I have gone through it all, BEFORE DIAGNOSIS, I would have gone through consistent periods of making myself sick if I ate what I would regard as too much, I would then not do it for long periods, do it again, stop, start, and so on. I was very much a gym regular for a long long time and therefore built muscle and didn't have to do those things.

I've never been happy with my body, even when others would say I am in "great shape" or that I look very muscular, or that I looked lean or whatever it is. I look for absolutely every little issue with my body and am destroying my mind with it. I have gotten to the point where I am weighing myself 2-3 times a day, looking in the mirror a whole pile, shirt on, shirt off, poking, prodding and flexing and always the same conclusion...not good enough, I look fat, I am not lean enough, god, if somebody sees that bit of fat sticking out etc etc.

I spent a large part of this evening doing this very thing, taking a video of myself so I could play it back, look at all the angles and see where I am, and again, conclusion was terrible. I'm so down about my body. Some days I will actually look at it and go, yeah, i'm looking good, you'd know I exercise and so on, but more often than not, I feel like ****.

It's now got to the point it's impacting my life. I get 12-18,000 steps in a day, I eat relatively clean with keto/low carb and I get some weights/press ups etc in. I'm 29, 12st 8lbs and have now only lost 5lbs in 3months of trying, again, whether I need to lose or not, is irrelevant. I feel a little bit lost. Like i'm never going to feel comfortable with my body or comfortable with how others may perceive my body. It's pretty horrible to be honest.

I don't know what's next, it's probably the worst I have felt post diagnosis. Not looking for attention, just, I guess to get it out there.

Thanks.
Click to expand...


Hi there. That's an uncomfortable place you find yourself in Joe.

Have you actually discussed your predicament with your Doc? I know it's a tricky one.

As someone who suffered an eating disorder, I appreciate how much courage it would have taken for you to write your post, and I thank you for doing that . I also understand how the body image can go awry, and the repeated inspections settle in.

If you have had periods of not following this sort of behaviour, can you identify anything that led to the lessening? I'm not asking you to tell anyone what that might have been but could anything be useful to you this time around?
 
Thank you to all for the comments and advice.

CBT is something I have thought about in the past, with regards to feeling anxious about a sport I was participating in, even went as far as ringing the clinic, and being on the waiting list. Unfortunately the timing didn't suit me as I was under a bit of pressure with work at the time and didn't want to take the time off. I am not sure how I feel about looking at it again.

It does feel a bit better having got it out in this thread, but for example I got up this morning and the same routine occurred, look in the mirror, press ups etc before weighing myself to be dismayed that I put on another pound, which could be just water weight from the weekend where I had some drinks Saturday night.

I just don't want to go down the route of thinking Insulin is bad, and I only put weight on because of it. I see it happening to others and I would have all of those traits when you look at my history, but I really am putting my health first so that's not an option. I have eaten Keto so that I don't need to take Insulin, truth is, i'd like o eat moderate carbs for a little while, and therfore would require more insulin, but am afraid of my life that it'll lead to weight gain.

I got to just figure this one out.
 
Well done for writing this post @JoeT1, you have taken the first big step. Hope you can get some help fairly quickly, so that it doesn’t continue to be a big impact on your life. Sending best wishes.
 
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