Is Diabetes a "selfish" condition?

Um.........Good luck with this one! I've had enough arguments this week to last a lifetime. I'm out!

I suppose it depends on how you look at it............

the management of my day to day diabetes does not effect anyone in anyway, that I can see anyway.........

no one has to wait on me or get anything from me.........

its a self managing condition, carried out by the diabetic individual, as opposed to something that has no consideration for others.......

so maybe not.......

I think much will depend on what your management regime is, and what your home, social and work environments demand of you.

For T2s, on a pure D&E regime, there is a need to ensure we eat suitable food, or we suffer the consequences, without the option to medicate to cover the carbs. For T1s at the other end of the spectrum, in my understanding, within reason, their diet can be as varied as they wish, provided they have an adequate hold on carb counting and a relatively decent diet (i.e. not completely carb based, requiring mahoooosive insulin levels).

Within the home, social and work environments, we are all balancing our ideal scenario against the bigger picture. For me, that means, I am to an extent dependent on my OH’s engagement and buy-in to a reduced carb diet, whereby he can add additional carbs for himself where necessary, as we made a pact at my diagnosis that we would not eat different (main) meals. The social aspects of sitting to eat, enjoying the experience and commenting on our food is important to us. Around out friendship circle, again, we like to eat in and out, in company, and these days I haven’t found myself anywhere I have not been able to find a suitable meal, from within the main menu, without significant swaps. I don’t want our friends to be feeling sorry for me, if I am swerving away from something in particular. These days, they are just used to me passing on the sweet trolley, where before I might have had some ice-cream, as much to join in, as any “need”.

Thankfully, work isn’t an issue for me, due to the sort of work I am doing these days, and the usually remote nature of it. In a previous life, where I would have been in an office, packed lunches were pretty common, so I would just have adjusted the content of my box accordingly.

I know, for some people, the struggles they have to endure to grasp control mean some slightly “left-field” eating, at least for a period. I guess some would call that selfish, but where does one set the bar when assessing overly selfish versus the potential for life changing diabetic complications?

I suppose it could appear to be selfish but mostly in the hands of a person who is selfish by nature anyway. I am thinking of someone who gets his dinner cooked for him and his washing done by someone else but complains about the food etc. nevertheless. Also the person who when visiting other people makes his/her condition the only topic of conversation so that their demands will be met.

On the other hand I have known diabetics who have their equipment in a bag on their belt and that is the only clue. They never bother others with it and other people treat them the same as everyone else.

So what I am saying is that it is not diabetes which is a selfish condition, it is selfish people who happen to be diabetic.

No, I don't think it is a selfish condition at all. Speaking as a T2 I believe my condition worsened when, because of other distractions and stresses, I stopped looking after myself causing my health to suffer.

I've now addressed that and I once again look after myself properly. I don't consider looking after oneself in terms of feeding ourselves properly and sensibly, taking healthy exercise and understanding how our bodies work and respond is selfish. Hopefully we are setting an example to those closest to us and to interested observers. I've never had so much interest shown in my diet as I have since going LCHF! People are genuinely interested and encouraged to know that there is a way of managing our condition which actually makes sense and which is effective.

What is selfish is neglecting ourselves and by so doing, at the very worst, risk depriving our children of a parent, our partner of their soul mate and our grandchildren of a grandparent. Don't we have a moral obligation to set standards and be a role model to our children on how to care for ourselves and keep healthy and well?

tim2000s said:

Observing certain threads on the forum and based on my experience over the past 26 years, I am submitting the hypothesis that Diabetes is, by necessity, a very selfish condition.

Firstly, what do I mean by this? I mean that others may consider the sufferer to be selfish due to the self focus required in order to manage the condition, and in spite of explanation, may continue to consider that a diabetic is selfish due to this. They probably also don't understand just how much effort we sometimes spend on managing our diabetes and what it really means.

Secondly, if a person chooses not to manage the condition, in spite of the way those around them feel or those that want them to do it better think, then there is very little that an external individual can do.

Either way, due to its nature, and the way treatment has to work, plus any indicator signs that are physical, it is a selfish condition. What do you think?

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"LUCKY" me I say. I wish I had focused more on ME years ago. Yes I was SELF Indulgent, business breakfasts, lunches, business dinners, Now I am paying the consequences. I would much prefer to not have to watch what I eat but hey ho at least I have CHOICES. That,s more than some people have. Keeping myself alive though is hardly SELFISH, in fact firstly yes I want a fit and healthy life for ME. then I want it for my wife and kids and all the other friends and family with who I want to continue to enjoy a WONDERFUL life with.

My experience is very similar to @AndBreath's.

I think you could probably accuse me of being more focused on my own health and diet than the average person but I consider that part and parcel of the discipline required of a t2 diabetic.

But does that make me selfish?

I honestly do not believe so.

I try to not let my disease affect the life of anyone else but my own; not even that of my wife and son. I do not insist for instance that biscuits or cakes or sweets are banned from our house. Our kitchen is full of chocolates for instance. I just choose to ignore them.

I haver actually insisted that we do not go out to a restaurant for instance because it would be difficult for me to find appropriate meal choices. In my opinion it is always possible to find something suitable.

I have never been bothered by the sight of others having something that I chose not to have in order to keep my sugars under control.

So am I self centered? Possibly but only partly, I like to think that my focus on glycemic control does not exclude consideration of others.

Am I selfish?

I think not.

Pavlos

dianagrace said:

What is selfish is neglecting ourselves and by so doing, at the very worst, risk depriving our children of a parent, our partner of their soul mate and our grandchildren of a grandparent. Don't we have a moral obligation to set standards and be a role model to our children on how to care for ourselves and keep healthy and well?

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Spot on Diana.

The really selfish ones are those who knowingly just carry on eating all the junk they always did, and ignoring their rising HbA1c levels and complications.

I don't include those following the DN advice to eat carbs in that however, they are generally just tragically misled.

But selfish for proactively managing your own condition? Certainly not.

I call anyone selfish, if they behave in an inconsiderate manner which has a negative impact on the lives of those around them.

There are many medical conditions which can help to set that situation up (both physical and mental), but not everyone with those medical conditions acts in a selfish way.

And I've noticed that there are a lot of people out there who behave very selfishly by pressuring people with diabetes (and other conditions) to ignore or neglect their health.

So I guess, it all comes down to how the individual chooses to behave.

i would say ii was selfish in the beginning as i thought being on meds meant i could eat all the wrong things

zand said:

Um.........Good luck with this one! I've had enough arguments this week to last a lifetime.

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No, you haven't...

Dillinger said:

No, you haven't...

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ROFL

I don't see how self preservation can be construed as selfish. We have a chronic condition and to lessen the risk of complications we have to manage it daily.
As to whether people are selfish who do not look after themselves, you have to ask if they understand the condition, what advice they have been given, are they depressed, do they have enough support, are they managing several conditions so that diabetes gets put on the back burner?

I think it is very selfish.
Selfish is something you won't share.

Now if I had flu, a cold, herpes I could share them with friends, acquaintances, even perfect strangers.

Cheers

LGC

Funny, I was thinking this the other day too, I had a doctors apt and my friend wanted me to go up and help with her CV. I told her I couldn't as I was busy. I felt really bad, I also never called a friend back because I wend for a snooze because I wasn't feeling too well. Then I thought to myself that I had pretty much shut my friends out after I was diagnosed. I have, it is mainly because they don't understand. I have one friend who thinks I can still go out and party every weekend and another friend that offers me food all the time. trying to explain that I cannot do these things is pointless, they just don't realise how ill I actually am, and the fact I will be starting on insulin soon because my pancreas is giving up is another blow. It is a very selfish disease, because you have went from pretty much doing what you want to having to monitor everything going into your body, monitoring your blood and monitoring how you feel. So yes I have become selfish. I definitely come first these days. I NEED to look after myself and in this it is a very lonely disease. I am selfish because I have to be, not because I choose to be. If it wasn't for this forum I would go mad... lol.

ally1 said:

i would say ii was selfish in the beginning as i thought being on meds meant i could eat all the wrong things

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This post should be written on a plaque and posted on every doctor's surgery notice board.

LittleGreyCat said:

I think it is very selfish.
Selfish is something you won't share.

Now if I had flu, a cold, herpes I could share them with friends, acquaintances, even perfect strangers.

Cheers

LGC

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Mortuary humour. Funny and revealing at the same time.

I don't think the condition makes one selfish. It does mean that you may appear so because it never goes away, meal times at the very least require a quick estimate and high or low glucose levels can occur whatever you are doing and wherever you are. If you do micromanage it then you cause an perception that it's all important(and it is) If you don't and someone else has to pick up the pieces then that could also be considered selfish.
If you are in a relationship that isn't secure I think it could(and does) cause problems There are some blogs by spouses who write about these problems. Hopefully they aren't representative.

I came across a blog 'wife of a diabetic' where the 'wife' certainly describes her husband as selfish. I read it a few years ago when Lee Ann Thill of the Buttercompartment wrote a post called the 'blame game' commenting on this particular blogger. She goes on to discuss the problems that can arise and how there is a need for post diagnosis education about the behavioural aspects of diabetes. She mentions specifically : depression ,anxiety, food and body issues, substance abuse, family conflict and burnout. (she's mostly talking about T1 or insulin treated T2)
. Lee Ann's post is worth reading but you may have to register (she's now a therapist and doesn't want clients reading her blog; you should be able to answer the questions if you are diabetic!)
http://www.thebuttercompartment.com/?p=4815
http://wifeofadiabetic.blogspot.fr/
(the relationship seems to have ended in at least partial separation as does a similar blog linked to on her sidebarhttp://type1d.blogspot.fr/ ) NB I've just looked at a few posts on both blogs because I find it unpleasant reading other peoples 'dirty washing' but you don't have to read much to see that diabetes gets a lot of the blame.


The third one she links to is different It hasn't ended in separation and the recent posts have a very different perspective. The blog goes back to 2009 and she describes times when she was exasperated with her husband and his diabetes. I certainly haven't read all the years in between but in the recent ones as a result of a fall she has needed help and her husband becomes 'her rock' .
http://diabeticswife2.blogspot.fr

SELFISH condition ? that word has never even entered my head regarding diabetes Yes we should take care of our management regime and try to be positive, But never in a million years would I use Selfish, that is my view on being Type 1 for 25 years and not forgetting my granddaughter being diagnosed at 2 1/2 years old fighting for her life, NO I need an hooter/buzzer like the one on Britain's got talent

Maybe a poll would have a more better choice ??