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Is it weird that...

Levy

Levy

Well-Known Member
Messages
312
Location
Leeds
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
... I would like my boyfriend to be more worried about me now and then?

We've been together for 3 years now and moved in together for half a year ago after I finished uni in the Netherlands. We didn't see too much of each other the first 2.5 months, only once every 2 months or so when I had holidays.

I am very used to always doing my own thing. When I was first diagnosed of course my mum used to worry about me a lot and ask me to check my levels or whether I'd taken my insulin and how things were going, but I always got really snappy with her when she asked. It was my burden so I didn't want her to worry about it and just let me be, so she gave up after a while.

I realise now that a lot of it was due to the fact I never wanted to accept the fact I had diabetes, so I didn't want anyone else to mention it either. Now things are going a lot better and I'm taking things a lot more seriously.

The problem now is, that I would like my boyfriend to care a bit more and be more worried about me. I sometimes think he doesn't realise the seriousness of the situation. I mean, he accepts it when I can't do something because of my levels or that we have to use certain ingredients for cooking healthier. He will get me something sweet when I get a hypo. But now I'd actually like it if someone would ask me whether I'd taken my insulin or checked my levels, or how I was feeling or how things are going. Is this weird? Should I talk to him?
 
Hey Ilse,

I would say that's a completely normal way to feel, but would definitely talk to your partner, tell him exactly what worries you have with regards to your diabetes, and how your emotions reflect this from day to day. Maybe you don't need to bring up the fact that you think he should be more concerned about you, I'm sure he is in his own way. It would be helpful though if he understood your feelings. How much does he know about diabetes? Is it worth shoving some reading material under his nose??!

During my first year of type 1 I felt really angry and frustrated that my friends just didn't get it. I've decided I need to mellow a bit now though, and bare in mind that just because I think about my 'affliction' (as my boyfriend likes to call it!) 24/7, they don't have any need to. I still wish they'd understand my low carb diet a bit more though and stop moaning at me for being slim. I'd rather be a little thin than suffer complications in the future.

As for my boyfriend, although I know he cares, he doesn't understand when I get the hump because my sugars are too high. I also get a bit inwardly upset when I've had a hypo in the night whilst he's obliviously snoring away and I spend the next day with a 'hypo hangover'. However, he has a phobia of needles so if he annoys me I get the big orange one out of the fridge and wave it at him ;)

Good luck Ilse.

Jessie. x
 
As for my boyfriend, although I know he cares, he doesn't understand when I get the hump because my sugars are too high. I also get a bit inwardly upset when I've had a hypo in the night whilst he's obliviously snoring away and I spend the next day with a 'hypo hangover'.
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Haha yeah I get this too! Thanks for your reply anyway, good to know that it's not that weird to feel that way lol. I actually did have a little chat with him about my worries and emotions and I think it went quite well :) mission accomplished, thanks so much Jessie!
 
This is a weird one - don't take this the wrong way, but, maybe you're just not adjusting to being a grown up? Your parents will always worry about you, but your BF sees you as a responsible adult, and probably doesn't want to badger you all the time to see if you've taken your insulin, or how your levels are.

I'm sure your BF cares a great deal about you - but for blokes, there is a fine line between being interested, and nagging.

And we all know that blokes DON'T nag... :shock:
 
Patch said:
This is a weird one - don't take this the wrong way, but, maybe you're just not adjusting to being a grown up? Your parents will always worry about you, but your BF sees you as a responsible adult, and probably doesn't want to badger you all the time to see if you've taken your insulin, or how your levels are.

I'm sure your BF cares a great deal about you - but for blokes, there is a fine line between being interested, and nagging.

And we all know that blokes DON'T nag... :shock:
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Haha yeah I guess you're right Nigel, from a different planet and all :wink:
 
Don't forget, women are the 'carers'. That's why we tend to plan ahead ( or worry ahead )and work out all the possible pitfalls and keep checking that everyone is okay. Men tend not to ( yes, I do know these are generalisations/stereotypes but still are broadly true ) but react better to the situation. Hence your bf responding well to a hypo. Men are more about the action. BTW, once you work out what men are about, it's much easier not to get annoyed at them when they don't act the way us women want them too :D
 
jaykay said:
Don't forget, women are the 'carers'. That's why we tend to plan ahead ( or worry ahead )and work out all the possible pitfalls and keep checking that everyone is okay. Men tend not to ( yes, I do know these are generalisations/stereotypes but still are broadly true ) but react better to the situation. Hence your bf responding well to a hypo. Men are more about the action. BTW, once you work out what men are about, it's much easier not to get annoyed at them when they don't act the way us women want them too :D
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Tell me about it! I hate it that when I ever have a problem (whether it is relating to my diabetes or not) he always comes with practical solutions! I don't WANT practical solutions I just want him to listen. He says he can't do that. Drives me up the wall sometimes :lol:

Admittedly he has been a lot better about listening to me when I just want to moan about my diabetes a bit, bless him!
 
I don't think its weird my husband was all worried when first diagnosed and then the questions wore off and then when i was getting my pump he promised to help with the kids a little more (which he did just not at the times i really needed it like tea time) then it wears off again but give him his due

when i sent my oldest downstairs (he's 7) to tell daddy mummy has woke up at 1.4 and needs juice or special sweeties, he was straight up with my 7 year old nagging behind telling him there was 2 much juice in the glass and a 100ml is only up to the rim of the glass and maybe he should stick to giving me glcotabs if he can't do the juice (hilarious to listen to)

I suppose the point is when they are needed they do perform (although not as well as a 7yr old!) maybe he is just naive to it all and doesn't understand it (and won't admit it) or he might just think you want to be treat 'normal' and not have it brought up all the time, I constantly went round telling people i wasn't an invalid when i was first diagnosed and to stop talking about it.

Talk to him drag him to appointments get him to read posts on here even.

Hope you get sorted x
 
becki said:
when i sent my oldest downstairs (he's 7) to tell daddy mummy has woke up at 1.4 and needs juice or special sweeties, he was straight up with my 7 year old nagging behind telling him there was 2 much juice in the glass and a 100ml is only up to the rim of the glass and maybe he should stick to giving me glcotabs if he can't do the juice (hilarious to listen to)
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love it, this made me laugh. I like your 7 year old, he'll go far!

I think the thing Levy said about not wanting practical solutions all the time is spot on. Sometimes all you want is someone to say, 'yeah, i know, it's sh*tty, but you're doing great, come here and have a hug.'
 
Hmmm I think you have to ask yourself if this is just with the diabetes or whether you feel this about him generally?

Years ago I was dating a guy I really liked but he just didn't get the diabetes at all. If anything extreme happened, like going to hospital cause of serious highs etc he was very concerned but on a day to day level he wasn't great. If I had a hypo he didn't understand why it was difficult to get stuff and he never helped. He hated me injecting near him as he didn't like needles. He didn't get hypo moods and never comforted me when I was upset through low sugars. A couple of times he said how lucky I was he was happy to date a diabetic :shock: It made me tougher but it also hurt.

Luckily for me we split up. It broke my heart at the time as we'd been together for 5 years. Then I saw my best friend, now my husband, in a new light. He is AMAZING. He spent ages learning about carbs so he could help out with food. He read issues of balance to try and understand. He checks my feet cause he worries. He bloodtests me. He treats my hypos with love and care and holds me when I get upset or takes it when I get moody. We had only been together a few months when I lost my sight in one eye due to a blunder with my retinopathy treatment. It was an awful time and the old boyf would have left me to deal with it alone. My husband never left my side and that's why I married him. Ten years later he comes to every diabetic check, looks after me, supports me more than you could ever imagine. He is my rock.

I have a friend on here whose husband is the same and we talk about how lucky we both are.

So there are exceptional men out there. Don't settle for anything less than you want and deserve.
 
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