Jokes

Cheese Farm


As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats milk was used.
She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.
"These", she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce."
She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?"
A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours."

Coffee Cool
Food Jokes

I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly. At the window, there was a delay.
Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. "I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting."

Fact Of The Day

That's A Long Time

To complete one rotation around the Galaxy it takes the Solar System approximately 240 million years.

A Friend To No One
Misc Jokes

"Do you smoke?"
"No."
"Do you drink?"
"No."
"Do you eat hay, then?"
"No."
"Man, you're not a fit companion for man or beast."

The Big Switch
Puns

Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...
There would be mass confusion.

On Each Bicep
Marriage Jokes

My wife won’t let me get a tattoo of a grizzly bear on each bicep...
She is infringing on my right to bear arms!

Dangerous Exercising
One Liner Jokes

I exercised once, but found I was allergic to it.
My skin got flushed and my heart raced, I got sweaty and short of breath...
It's too dangerous.

Repentance
Misc Jokes

On her way back from the concession stand, Sandra asked the man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a minute ago?"
Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did."
Sandra nodded, "Oh, good. Then this is my row."

Relaxing Location
Misc Jokes

While my parents were making their funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like. “You’ll have a beautiful view of the swan pond,” he assured them.
Dad wasn’t sold. Without missing a beat he told the salesman, “Unless you’re including a periscope with my casket, I don’t know how I’m going to enjoy that.”