When I was first diagnosed with type 1 diabetes (almost 10 years ago) I found it very a hard to cope with from an emotional point of view. I didn't want to deal with other peoples reactions or perceptions (or what i thought would be their perceptions) of my illness. I just wanted to deal with on my own and just be seen as 'normal' by everyone else. I also found it incredibly difficult to talk about and still do. For that reason I didn't tell anyone about the diagnosis. I didn't tell my family or my friends or my work colleagues. When I met my boyfriend 7 years ago I didn't tell him and I still haven't, even though we have been living together for 6 years.
I realise that you will read taht last sentence and think that is impossible, but it is the truth. I keep my medication in a bag in the wardrobe, I measure my BS regularly and take my insulin and manage my diabetes ok for the most part, but nobody knows that I have it. I say that i manage ok, but the truth is I know I could mange a lot better if I wasn't keeping it a secet.
Deep down I know how ridiculous and unfair (to both of us) this situation is. A few years ago I spoke to a counsellor about this but it didn't change anything. It was just easier to go on living a lie than to face the consequences of the truth. It is not that I don't think he would be understand, it is more that I feel I can't go on living with him if I told him. He would feel like he never really knew me at all and I would feel embarassed and awkward. There was a time to mention my diabetes and it has long long gone. I can't even begin to imagine how I would get the words out, but even if I could I just don't feel we could continue our relationship.
I am now at a point where I think it might be easier to break up, then to tell the truth. I am fine and fully functioning on the outside but inside I feel trapped and lost and scared.
I realise that most people who read this will think I am nuts but perhaps there is someone somehwere who has experienced something similar. Anyone????
I realise that you will read taht last sentence and think that is impossible, but it is the truth. I keep my medication in a bag in the wardrobe, I measure my BS regularly and take my insulin and manage my diabetes ok for the most part, but nobody knows that I have it. I say that i manage ok, but the truth is I know I could mange a lot better if I wasn't keeping it a secet.
Deep down I know how ridiculous and unfair (to both of us) this situation is. A few years ago I spoke to a counsellor about this but it didn't change anything. It was just easier to go on living a lie than to face the consequences of the truth. It is not that I don't think he would be understand, it is more that I feel I can't go on living with him if I told him. He would feel like he never really knew me at all and I would feel embarassed and awkward. There was a time to mention my diabetes and it has long long gone. I can't even begin to imagine how I would get the words out, but even if I could I just don't feel we could continue our relationship.
I am now at a point where I think it might be easier to break up, then to tell the truth. I am fine and fully functioning on the outside but inside I feel trapped and lost and scared.
I realise that most people who read this will think I am nuts but perhaps there is someone somehwere who has experienced something similar. Anyone????
