Living with a partner with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes

Mud Island Dweller said:

If coming of anti depressives it is and isnt easy it depends on the person on them. l took 2 yrs to wean mum off when she wanted to come off slowly it can be done a lot lot faster same routine just for her slowed down to a slow crawl so don't let the time put you off as with everything each person is different

I contacted FRANK this link may help they cover all drugs legal and legal
http://www.bcnc.org.uk/howtowithdraw.htm

If you want more info message me l won't post it on open forum. Should warn that it may have changed but the withdraw info cost £12 sadly l don't have it now or would have sent it on. Most of it was very similar routine but should to be followed pretty straightforward but sensible. Whatever happens do not just stop them as our pratt of a dr said to do. He was shocked when l read him the riot act stormed out and went back after contacting FRANK and slammed the info down in front of him a couple of weeks later.

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@Mud Island Dweller ...thanks for the link, have taken a quick look but am not sure that the antidepressants that my partner takes fall into the category of benzodiazepines...he is currently on 200mg sertraline a day (for depression) and 30mg amitriptline (for neuropathic pain but is effectively an anti-depressant in its nature when you read the leaflet)

Interestingly enough when I was looking up amitriptyline on the patient.co.uk website http://www.patient.co.uk/medicine/amitriptyline# I found this message..

.................."This leaflet has been archived. This is because amitriptyline is no longer recommended for the treatment of depression. There are other uses for amitriptyline (such as to help with sleep, or for nerve pain) but these are unlicensed uses.".......

........which begs the question....if it has not been licensed for nerve pain why has it been prescribed for neuropathic pain by the GP.....obviously a question to ask of the pharmacist or the GP on our next visit....

Also reading through the section on 'getting the most from your treatment ' I picked up on a number of points....one being about diabetes...and the other about sensitivity to sunlight (something to consider on our forthcoming holiday)....
....am thinking this would perhaps be the best one to cut down on first if we choose to do so as it would be easy to drop from 3 tablets per day to 2 and so on rather than the other one that comes in larger tablet size (2 x 100mg.....unfortunately we used to have 50mg tablets for this but GP altered prescription to larger size)....

Returning to the link you mentioned .....I guess the same rules apply to other types of antidepressant which potentially have withdrawal symptoms and that the general advice is to not stop them without your GPs advice and then to follow a sensible plan to reduce them.....am guessing that the GPs advice would be to carry on taking them .....

Will clearly have to give this some more thought....

Just not sure where this is all going at the moment….on some levels I thought we were making progress…he had started testing and trying to be good and eat the right foods / avoid the wrong foods....

….but then recent test results have not been exactly great (10.1 and 16.5 the other day) ……and then today I found that he had discovered my secret stash of biscuits and completely cleared it out….was looking forward to a mid morning coffee and a biscuit earlier and the cupboard was bare!…

....and finally to top it all he has just gone back to bed at 2 o'clock in the afternoon...................

Feeling a bit down myself at the moment and not really motivated to do anything….so to be honest I am probably in a “I don’t care what he does” mode….let’s just hope I am having a bad day and it will pass….

Am hopeful that normal service will resume shortly……well I guess you have to live in hope, don’t you….

donnellysdogs said:

Molly
You are effectively going to end up being an unpaid Carer in the end to your partner unless HE does something to help himself.
They will not operate on the levels that your are mentioning.

Please seriously give some thought to your life, what you need. Can you not get partner interested in joining this site?

I end up wanting to write in full, bold shouting text .......you deserve better.

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@donnellysdogs ....I take your point about ending up being an unpaid carer but am planning for it not to get to that stage.

He has recently started to take more notice of his diabetes (we are talking about it together a lot more) and says that he wants to do something about it...this is a major step forward from where we were a few months or even weeks ago...

Have suggested that he writes a list before he next goes to see the diabetic nurse so that he can show what he has been doing and ask the relevant questions as to what happens next....this again will be a major improvement on his last visit when he just really didn't want to know.

Granted that his levels are still not good (13.3 earlier today)....but at least now we have some idea what they are ....before we had no idea......perhaps his medication will be reviewed again at his next appointment and perhaps insulin will be the next step.

As far as the consultation about his knee is concerned this has been put back to the middle of November (after our holiday next month)....my assumption is that they will not consider the operation without certain criteria being met and I don't see him meeting those at the moment....perhaps this will be the added incentive for him to take this seriously.......I hope so....

I can see glimmers of hope every now and again that he is starting to want to do something about this so can only hope and encourage him to make the changes that he needs..
...in the meantime am taking care of myself and getting the help that I need....trying not to let this get to me...

Thank you for your concern....

donnellysdogs said:

Glad to hear Molly56.. My concern is (reading through the lines) that previous posting you sounded quite down by the disappearance of your secret stash of biscuits.
Asking a struggling diabetic to go without but having a stash of biscuits for yourself is a little bit cruel I think. Could you eat them at work? Sorry, sometimes partners have to go the extra mile to help a diabetic that is struggling....

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@donnellysdogs ...........Thank you for your comments…..I would just like to pick up on the comments about the biscuits though….

Ok …I accept that it may sound selfish that I have a secret stash of biscuits but if you look at the bigger picture I think you will see just how much I have given up and that a few biscuits for myself will not sound so bad after all.....

In terms of food I think very carefully now what we buy….I have given up / rarely eat desserts nowadays….rarely buy cakes anymore…won’t buy biscuits for general consumption…...only buy the bread that I eat / he doesn’t like….

Yesterday when shopping I bought a jar of honey (he doesn’t like honey)…it was suggested that I bought a jar of jam and whilst I would absolutely love to have a slice of toast and strawberry jam with a cup of tea in the afternoon I refused…….as I know precisely what happens when there is a jar of jam in the house….it would be eaten within days and no bread would be involved…the same goes for the jar of Nutella that I have managed to buy and hide away….

In the last couple of weeks I have thrown away two chunks of birthday cake that were given to me ….the first for my son’s 21st birthday and the second for my birthday last week….I threw them away rather than leave them in the house where he could find and eat them….

The biscuits for my weekly garden group I now leave in my car….if I forget and bring them indoors they will soon disappear…

So in answer to your comments …..I think I have gone much further than the extra mile….and probably above and beyond where many others would….I have sacrificed a lot in terms of what I would like to eat in order to try and steer him in the right direction …..

As far as the biscuits go I have cut these right down….in part for my own health…and restrict these to one or two a day with a cup of coffee mid-morning about 2 or perhaps 3 days a week….as he is generally not around when I have this I do not feel that I am being cruel or unfair by eating these in front of him….

In conclusion I feel that I have sacrificed a lot in terms of my own eating in order to help him so feel that your reference to me being “cruel” is somewhat harsh….

There are many foods that I would probably love to eat but know that they are no longer on the menu anymore….and I am not the diabetic one…..

Scouser58 said:

Hello Molly56, it has been a short while since we posted, I have looked out for you but, not spotted you. I have read the posts from page 12, to now. You are still going over and beyond for him indoors! when do you think you can 'trust' him to be in total control of His condition??? so that you can step back and rest. You have mentioned amitriptyline, going through some re-regulation and stopping being an antidepression medication, I always knew it as a sleep inducing tablet, which was totally unsuitable for me, Imipramine is one that stimulates you and don't go to sleep with this one (7 a day).
Are you still looking forward to your holiday? I noticed that you mentioned a worry about the sun with a medication. Did he ever get himself organised with my suggestion back a few months ago?, I noticed that his testing results are still high than were they could be.
Maybe now that he seem s to be getting on his own case and getting in the learning groove, you will be more relaxed and could stop worrying, a bit/lot more, ??.Please keep posting and will be here for a chat when you want,ttfn

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@Scouser58 …good to hear from you again….

To answer some of your questions….am not sure that he will ever be in control of his condition….he seems to be taking more notice of it now which is definite progress but I still don’t think he has got to grips with it….it seems he wants to do something about it but often asks ‘well, what can I do about it’….I keep on dropping in suggestions about diet / exercise etc on a daily basis in the hope that the penny drops ….comments are becoming more direct / less subtle….some progress has been made but it is a slow process…

Regarding the holiday and just picking up on @donnellysdogs comments about food/ my recent post about food….I guess I am looking forward to the holiday but the issue of food worries me……have been on similar holidays in the past and being all-inclusive it is far too easy to over-indulge….everyone does.

The last couple of times we have been I have found it really difficult in terms of enjoying the food on offer….is difficult to sit and watch someone eating when you know what harm they are causing to themselves…this has in the past affected my enjoyment of the holiday experience…

..on a positive note though I have found that it has often resulted in me eating a much more healthy diet whilst away….more fruit ….more salad…drinking more water……yes, I have indulged in the desserts but have limited myself and tried not to over-indulge…..result was that I didn’t put on too much weight / maintained my weight so in a sense was also a good thing…

Will try and encourage him to make healthy choices whilst away but otherwise will just have to shut my eyes to what is going on and just let him get on with it…....will try not to let it affect my enjoyment of the holiday….

Clearly my relationship with food has been affected by this situation and is something that I will have to address if it becomes a real problem..

Regarding the rest of your message…..to be honest I can’t remember what your suggestion was a few months ago so can’t answer that bit….will read back through the posts sometime to remind myself…or perhaps you could remind me…have had so many suggestions and can't remember them all....

Anyway is good to hear from you again….keep in touch…

Scouser58 said:

Hi Molly, I did a bit of back reading and the post that I was referring to was on 13 July page 3 post #54 (you can find this number next to the Like Reply points), I will call it Tough Love, especially the last paragraph. And if you go forward through the posts you will find some interesting, and thought provoking replies. May I suggest that you print the pages off so that you can see just how things have gone along, and review how you felt from the start.

I discovered that your stresses have gone from off the chart to lower in power, although you are still worrying about every aspect of him in doors' condition and his own lack of concern about it.
I read you concern about being all inclusive in the Caribbean resort, a certain man over doing it with all that is available to him, although you clearly enjoyed having the choice and how well you ate for your own benefit. Looking forward to hearing from you soon, ttfn

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@Scouser58 ....thanks for reply....will check it out in the morning....

Have been a bit busy and occupied myself lately so haven’t really had much opportunity to think about all of this….thought it would be a good opportunity to stop and take stock of where we have got to…

On a positive note my partner is now seeming to take notice of his diabetes….it has taken a long time but finally there seems to be some sort of breakthrough. He will now test…sometimes without my suggesting it…and is thinking a bit more about what he eats and drinks….fizzy drinks have been ditched in favour of drinking more water (slightly flavoured with a juice concentrate) and he seems to be trying to cut out some of the foods that he knows he shouldn't eat.

With regards to the blood sugar levels these seem to fluctuate quite a lot but I guess that is just normal…I have started to keep a record of them to see if there is any pattern. Recent morning readings have generally been in the range of 9.5 to 11.3 with readings taken before our evening meal being in the range 12.3 to 16.5….he seems to be a bit mystified by why this may be and to why they fluctuate to this degree where in his words “well I haven’t eaten anything bad lately”….am still trying to get across that it is about more than just what you eat....

I know that these readings are still very high compared to what they should be but they are nothing compared to those we were getting when we first got the meter back in July when readings were in the range of 15.1 to 23.2

With regards to the higher readings in the evening I was wondering if this could be anything to do with the dawn phenomenon ….he regularly goes for a lie down in the afternoon (a habit I have still not managed to break despite my disapproval which I make known to him….)……could this be triggering a dawn phenomenon in the afternoon?

Anyway, have got a doctor’s appointment on Tuesday afternoon so am planning to ask about the recent blood tests and whether he has been tested for B12 and vitamin D deficiencies….subject of a post on another of my threads…..am coming to the conclusion that perhaps these may account for the tiredness and some of the other symptoms he has….is worth checking..

Also may ask about the antidepressants he is on as don’t think they are really helping either…I think I know what the answer for these will be (keep taking them..) but if they are not actually helping the situation then perhaps it would be worth reviewing this.

So it seems that some progress has been made but still some things to work on…..am still searching for answers…but feeling a little more positive….

Just a quick (!) update on recent visit to GP yesterday…

Recent blood tests done regarding hip problems (Full Blood Count/Bone profile/Reactive Protein/Liver Function Tests) had largely come back as normal and no major cause for concern….

The recent hip xray shows signs of osteoarthritis in the hip area so a referral is being made to the orthopaedic consultant for further investigations / treatment….my partner already has an appointment with the consultant in November so the GP is writing to the consultant to see if he will look at both issues together ……logic tells me that this is the sensible route …to look at the picture as a whole….but evidently this is not necessarily the way that the NHS works and that separate consultations / referrals are usually required (one for the knee / one for the hip)….sounds crazy when it is the same consultant but I guess that is the NHS for you….

I took the opportunity when asking about the results of the blood tests whether any recent blood tests would show up deficiencies in either vitamin B12 or vitamin D or whether separate or specific tests were required for either of these….also mentioned that some of my partners symptoms could be linked to these and also the link between long term use of metformin (now on 2000mg per day) and the malabsorption of B12….
….the GP indicated that he would not deal with this today as didn’t want to further jeopardise any of the current investigations going on about knee / hip problems….but did ask me to remind him again next time we meet in order to look into this…have noted this point and will definitely be on my list of things to ask next time.

The next topic mentioned was the antidepressants and the fact that these are not necessarily helping / causing unwanted side effects such as tiredness etc. Suggested moving these (sertraline 200mg per day) to the evening but I was concerned this would conflict with the amitriptyline….evidently this is ok to do so will move these in the hope that the tiredness felt during the day will be eased…..have also agreed to reduce the dosage to 100mg per day to see how this works with a view to potentially stopping them in the future….

This then led to the subject of erectile dysfunction (a noted side effect of the antidepressants)….following a brief examination the GP is referring on to a urologist as there are some physical aspects to the problem (learnt two new medical terms.... balanitis and phimosis…)…
…hopefully reducing/ ditching the antidepressants will help and also better diabetic control (which I am still working on….) will help with this issue…..failing that the GP can write a prescription for certain medication that should do the trick…

My partner also told the GP that he was finally trying to get his diabetes under control and mentioned the efforts he was making to do this….the GP was pleased to hear this and said it was the best news he had heard all day….so finally it seems we are making some progress..

So in conclusion…it was a packed appointment with referrals agreed to specialists who can deal with each of the issues…clearly there will be a diary full of appointments to follow…plus some positive points for us to work on such as reducing the antidepressants and working on diabetes…

The next issue will be the appointment with the diabetic nurse to review the current status of his diabetes control….am thinking that I will leave this until after our holiday in a couple of week’s time….need to start thinking about packing….at least we will be able to top up on the Vitamin D…..

Feeling a bit more positive myself as feel we are heading in the right direction....

Scouser58 said:

Hi Molly56, Just read your post and you have still got your work cut out looking after him in doors, well the bit about the knee and hip, you might find that these are two different ortho pods, ask knee doc's don't always do hips, something to do with different shaped bones and joint actions!!.

Nice to read that he is stepping up with diabetes monitoring,
The vitamin checking is on the back burner for now, will be looking into these to be checked for myself, I am some what crocked.

Well you 'sounded' so much more relaxed in you post, well done to that woman, now to the packing I hate that job, so much to do, but what to take is another headache!!!
Keep in touch Molly, and look forward to the holiday, you have more than earned it, ttfn

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@Scouser58 ..thank you for pointing out about the different consultants for knee and hip...had assumed that the same consultant would probably be able to deal with both but as you rightly point out there is quite a difference between the two types of joint....will have to wait for the appointment letter to come through - the knee one is already in the diary for mid November for initial consultation / assessment....am not too convinced that he will be accepted for surgery without certain criteria being met but will have to deal with that hurdle when we get there...

Not sure about feeling more relaxed at the moment as often find holidays more a cause of stress rather than relaxation - not just the packing but just the holiday in general....for reasons I will explain later / have mentioned in other posts....

Thanks anyway for your comments..

donnellysdogs said:

Great to hear @Molly56Do think, if he can do things on your holiday.... He could do them at home.. So if he goes without his afternoon kip on holiday because he is more entertained then his apathy is going to be around having no interests at home. Don't mention on your holiday though... Just bear it in mind.....

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@donnellysdogs ....just picking up on your point about him being potentially more active on holiday....

From past experience it seems he is a different person on holiday….I would go as far as describing it like a Jekyll and Hyde transformation ….on holiday he will make an effort to get up early for breakfast (early in his books compared to getting up at 11am or later when at home)….and while he will sometimes have a nap later in the day he will certainly (on past experience) spend far less time in bed….granted most of the holiday is spent relaxing by the pool or on the beach and eating but at least he is generally up and about......

To be honest....I find this transformation a source of great irritation and annoyance on my part as I find myself thinking “if he can do this while we are on holiday why can't he do it when at home...."

As soon as we get home it will no doubt immediately revert back to the old situation....if I was partial to a bet I would put money on it….it did last time and the time before that and the one before that …..so see no reason why it won’t do so this time...I think you hit the nail on the head by describing it as apathy...

....sometimes the transformation whilst we are away is to the point where I don't recognise him as being the same person that I share my life with here and that is not something that I particularly like...hence the Jekyll and Hyde analogy....

....have often said to him that there is more to life than just holidays ….there are another 50 or so weeks in the year in which to do things and enjoy life...…but this seems to have no impact and he just reverts back to his old ways......I just think it is such a waste of a life just to spend the day in bed (and this is not because he is ill...just a bad habit he has got himself into).....

Will try to enjoy my holiday the best I can but sometimes just can’t wait to get home and back to my own routine…....