Truly amazing, wonderful, now when I tell my other half that the moth/butterfly that I rescued from the pool in Crete (not quite Aruba) was the size of a tea plate, I've got some pictures to show her. Unfortunately after rescuing said moth/butterfly and getting my feet wet I proceeded to go base over apex on a polished marble floor and did something very nasty to my sciatic nerve. Spent the rest of the holiday sitting/laying down and watching 33 Chilean minors get extricated from a hole in the ground.Butterfly pictures from holiday as promised.....technically the first one is a moth!
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@donnellysdogs @graj0 @Enclave @pavlosn @connie104 @Scimama @this is too difficult two
@Molly56
Glad to have caught up with your postings.
First off, your photos are absolutely stunning. Ist class. Must admit that I would have got some on these printed on to canvas and displayed.
I hope that you can enjoy your needlework and that you will find this relaxing your frustrations away with your OH.
Along with others, I am concerned for you....It really just seems that you are his mother, not his lover.......if he can't love or care for himself, then he is incapable of loving or caring towards others.
I really wonder what it is about this man that makes you reticent to even give him any house rules.. In your own home?
Fantastic that you have enjoyed your food and maintained your weight whilst on holiday. That is fantastic. Good on you. It is so amazing that as the non diabetic in the relationship that it is you that is so aware now of your own dietary needs.
@Molly56, please give some thought as to what you get from this relationship, as other posters have expressed.. It just seems as if it is nothing to outsiders such as us and as he has been diabetic so long without giving a **** then he really is past the point of changing.
If we didn't know any different this "relationship" could be described as going on between a mother and a rebellious teenager. It really is dysfunctional and the stress that it is causing you may have repercussions for you health wise at a later date if you carry on.
You cannot change someone but you can change how you react to their behaviour and it is time for you to make a decision. You cannot salvage a relationship where only one partner is actively trying to improve things. Trying to save someone who is hell bent on destruction is impossible. He has to want to change but he has shown no signs of it yet. He lives in your house, spends most of his time in bed, seems to be waited on and ignores your suggestions. What do you think he brings to this relationship and what woud you miss if he wasn't there?
How many years are you going to put up with this? Is it a scary proposition to be on your own?
@catherinecherub @Molly56
You have just reminded me what our straightforward speaking counsellor said to us (me mainly).
"You cannot get OH to change, unless he wants to" then "if you're wanting the person that you met 20 years ago back, then you will have to stop, as he is never going to be that person again"
I was lucky... Even proving the Counsellor totally wrong.. My OH Did change, and he got better than the chap I met 20 years ago.
However, my OH realised that if our marriage was to survive then he needed to do something about it. It shook him to the core. He is truly the best, but he wanted to change.
It just so appears that your partner @Molly56 does not want to change at all. His declining health should be enough to have wanted to change, but he won't even do it with your loving and caring support so it really concerns me, especially reading @catherinecherub post as even medical persons haven't been able to change his attitude either...
I think everybody is concerned that you are really just being taken as a provider of a roof over your OH head and this is not your responsibilty...and that the relationship is going to affect your health in the future.. As it certainly is affecting your wellbeing at the moment.
Hello pavlosn, thank you for your reply, I will do my best to do to follow your suggestion, ttfn@Scouser58
Please consider beginning a new thread with your question. That way you will receive more responses and there will be no risk of Molly's thread being taken of course.
Thanks
Pavlos
Hello Molly56, I wrote a long time ago about 'Tough Love' and all that it entails.
Have you given any thought to any of these? I have read all the posts of support from other members and seen their concern about your health and sanity. You want to do your own thing and have a business, sewing needs concentration, can you have all that, when your mind is drifting onto the 'bed warmer' ? I would think it is not very nice to get into a bed that some bone idle, self centred man has not long got out of?!, Will you be thinking of having your own bed, so that you can rest better?and he can have the sweaty one to himself?
It seem s no matter what you do or say to him, he will do what he wants and when he wants, please remind him to make out his will and book and pay for his funeral, as you will not be put through such things if he continues on this path to self destruction.
A lot of places now do will writing kits/services with the things they provide, why not get him some information from say Golden Charter to book his funeral, and then a will writing place, maybe these will scare him into questioning what the dickens is going on, and then this is your moment to speak about things in say single clear sentences, and making sure that he gets the message that you are not going to be put under the stress and distress of doing these things when he is very ill, of worse.
Also when you are working at your new business, then hospital visiting, and all that are not options that you will be doing, stupidity in a grown man is unbelievable.
The dreaded 'carbs' are a pain to get right and keep right, the task is on going, so don't mention them again to him. If is joining you for a meal do it the way you want it, with nice meat and choice veg, and low/no carbs.
, but if not then worry ye not, enjoy your own meals,and do not fret over this man any more.
You are a women of great care and compassion for the man, but he has none for you and even less for himself, time for the big personal changes that you want and need to do for yourself.
Molly on the run up to the guy in the red suit season, look to getting things for your own desires, and waste any more time on the stubborn and uncaring. And failing all else the suggestions to show him the door, are excellent. You deserve better, you very caring woman, ttfn from Karen
@Scouser58 ...thanks for the message...and just to answer your questions...
If I am still with him when that time comes I have already decided that I will pass all responsibilities over to his children to decide what they want to do...they are all adults so can decide how they want to deal with it...I think by that time I will have done everything that I need to...probably not the plan that you were proposing in terms of tough love but that is how I have decided to deal with it for now...
Regarding concentrating on my sewing project / new business venture that is not a problem at all....am getting totally immersed in the sewing which temporarily blocks out all other worries / concerns ...have decided what I want to make and am in the process of designing and creating a number of different versions / prototypes to gauge opinion from friends and family...next step will be to perfect it....getting better with each one that I have made...am giving a few away to start off with (marketing ploy!) in the hope that this will generate some interest and hopefully some orders.
...am hoping that my youngest son (started at Uni a few weeks ago) will help me set up a webpage (he suggested a specific Facebook page would be the easiest for now) when I see him in a couple of weeks - am taking photos so that I have a record of what I have made....so basically it is all in hand other than I still have to decide what I want to call it (that's the tricky one!!!) ...perhaps will have to include "Designed and hand made by Molly" or words to that effect.........essentially each item will be unique so another good selling point....
..Anyway, the key thing is that I am so busy with ideas etc that I am really starting to forget some of the other things that are going on....is definitely some time for 'Molly time'...
At the end of the day the problem is still there but I am not allowing myself to get too stressed over it.....there are far more important things to do in my life....
Regarding the bloke in the red suit I have already put in my request....I want a bike for Christmas....and it looks like I may well be going to get one / he said he would get me one......I think he thinks I am mad to want a bike but I do quite fancy having the opportunity to go out for a bike ride and who knows it may just be a perfect way of escaping whilst getting some much needed exercise for myself.......I did make the brief suggestion that he could get one too but he wasn't keen (didn't expect he would be) so it will be a bicycle ride for one!
So just to put people's minds at rest...I am very much looking out for myself now....it seems that is the way it has got to be...it doesn't mean that i don't care anymore, I do, but there is certainly more to life than just lying in bed!
Have been reflecting on my last post and been thinking........generally not a good sign / probably not a good thing to do...
...on one hand it sounds so positive, but on the other is it just a sign that I am not coping....am pretending that the problem is not there...am papering over the cracks...have lost the plot......
Was just a passing thought .......but I don't know the answer.....
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