Living with someone who has type 1

[fleming2015]

Hi I was wondering if there was any support or advise for people who are living with someone who has type 1 diabetes.

My husband is a type 1 diabetic. Firstly, I have to say that he is very well controlled, this HB1C is perfect last review with about 5% on the low side (for what I can remember) it's always been low from the day I might him.

We been together now for 9 years and got married a year ago. It's only been about the last 2 years I've had to help him control his diabetes. (Mainly due to stress and sickness which has been cause by a over stressful job)

Before he would take his insulin, test and just get on with it as part of daily life.

Recently, over 2 year now I've had to help him get out of some very bad hypo. I've never experience it before. The complete change in personally, symptoms, depression. Seeing him go thought this just breaks my heart. Now, I am a nurse (cardiac speciality) so I kind know what to do. But for some strange reason my nurses head goes out of the window and I panic. I get so worried all the time when he might have a hypo. Feel little I'm on the edge waiting especially at night. Or when he's alone at home and I'm on night shift.

I guess it got worst the first time he had a
hypoglycemic coma one night. I was away on hoilday and found out that he not been eating normally and working very hard and got his self under the weather. He was wet thought, shaking everywhere and didn't wake up. And because he's never had one before I had to hypo gel. The only thing I could get him round was massaging jam into his gums.

Now due to the driving restriction rules, my husband didn't want to mention any of this to his diabetic nurse. Which I understood because losing his licence would be a massive change in our lifestyle. He needs to drive to go to work. He very well control and it was a one time hiccup you could say.

However, this shock me completely. I don't think I ever got over it. So I put my nurse head on and started researching. Got my knowledge up a bit.

He recovered well and life went on as normal. I got more involved in his diabetes. Making sure he test (personally I don't thing he test enough)
Things went on and we got married. However, he got a new job, great. But the stress of this job really effected him so bad. He suffering from anxiety all the time. Mood swing up and down.

During this period he had about 2-3 hypo a week. Hypo that I had to help his out of cos he couldn't even understand what to do.

I had to stop doing night shifts for a while. Because he had another coma episode. Lucky this time I brought some hypo gel.

He got some extra help from a support group who he talks too. To help him cope with his stress and anxiety. Which has made a big impact and has improved so well.

But I don't think I've ever got over it still. And now I realise I need to talk to someone about their experience with a loved one who have diabetes too. And how to cope with it. He means the world to me and I want to be his wife and not someone who gets panicky every time he has a hypo.

I feel like I am always on him all the time. Saying 'have you test today' 'what's your sugars' 'why did you do that' 'how much insulin you give'

I want to be someone who can control and deal with these situation better (totally silly and stupid I know being a nurse you think I be so much better) but I think it's the fact that he means so much to me.

Please sent me your thoughts and ideas. Or if there anyway I can go to talk to someone about it. It be much appreciated

Thanks


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[birchy66]

Sorry to hear of your problems. There is a limit to how much you can help your husband and you obviously cannot be by his side all of the time. He has to seriously take responsibility for his diabetes and exercise proper control to ensure he avoids hypos as much as he possibly can. This is obviously important if he is driving as he is not only putting his life at risk but others too. I would try to arrange an appointment with his DSN so that you both discuss these problems with the DSN and understand what is required from each of you. Dealing with the pressures of a new job is stressful, but trying to deal with this when you are not properly managing your diabetes is going to create even more stress. So, my advice is to get your husband to accept that he needs to manage his diabetes as a priority, the he will hopefully be in a better position to manage the other things in his life. I understand this is not easy but it is in my opinion the only way forward. You have an enormous number of people on this forum who will offer help, good advice and encouragement.
Good luck to you both.

 

[yingtong]

I am not a career,but I have been type1 for over 54year and have been able to look after myself very well bar for the last 4 years,because I lost my hypo awareness and had 4 episodes of unconsciousness,none previously in my diabetic life,my lovely wife hated injections,was taught how to give me glycogen which she did 3 times.I have been on a insulin pump for nearly and a year and I am slowly regaining my hypo awareness.My wife can spot when my sugars are around 4 and she will ask if I have tested blood/ sugars.I'm not sure if I have helped you,but to my mind you are doing very well,Good Luck.

 

[iHs]

@fleming2015

Glad you found out about Hypostop (glucose gel) and the buccal lining route which when used carefully, is a godsend and is cheaper than glucagon and an ambulance.

Hypos happen for all type 1s so dont be too hard on hubby as he doesn't like hypos anymore than you helping him.

Usually, tight control of bg more or less involves testing bg about 6 times per day and that should help to prevent some of the lows and also the highs. If hubby uses a carb ratio, could he use a higher target to calculate the bolus insulin on like 7mmol instead of 5mmol and make the 2hr later bg level to be 9mmol instead of 6 or 7mmol? That way bg won't drop so low and will also help hubby to feel better and you less worried.

is there a chance that hubby could afford to buy a continuous glucose monitor which can be set to give alarms when bg falls to a low bg level. I use Dexcom and
It's very good.

 

[tim2000s]

About eight years ago, I had a couple of incidents of overnight hypos that resulted in my behaviour being very similar to that of your husband @fleming2015 . It massively upset my partner (to this day I don't know what I said to her, but it clearly wasn't pleasant) and she read me the riot act about managing myself. Basically, "Sort it out, or I am out of here, as this isn't a relationship that I want to be part of if you aren't going to manage yourself properly".

That kick in the ass made a huge difference, and since then I've not had any severe hypos like that. Whilst I realise that the approach I've described may not be everyone's cup of tea, and that I know the Hypos will leave him feeling rubbish, it is unfair on you for him to not be looking after himself properly, and you should seriously consider sitting down with him and explaining how it makes you feel and what you'd like him to do. It might help him open up about his issues and how he feels about it, and you may well find that you are able to work out a way to approach it together. @donnellysdogs can provide some good advice on this type of thing.

The other comment I'd make is that even though his work is tough and stressful, it isn't really an excuse for not paying proper attention to himself.

Good luck with approaching this all with him.