Lost

Liftupjoe said:

Hello I don’t know where else to go as I don’t want anybody that knows me to worry

I am a type one Diabetic and have been for 38 years, I have just recently been given a libre 2 sensor which I love but am so frightened of it getting taken off me. My life is such a mess and I am very very down which intern messes with my blood sugar and I’m all over the place. I don’t know what to do or how I can change the way I’m feeling. I have just left a job after 1 year of a toxic boss who literally has made me feel stupid and very anxious. She was a real bully calling me names intimidating me in front of all staff unfortunately the owner of the company is her mother who previously I worked 10 years for and she wanted me to help her daughter with the new side of the business. I am glad to leave but now I’m looking for a new job and I’m just as frightened as I was going into work with her every day. I’ve not had an interview in 10 years and I don’t know what I want. I’m not sure I will ever be happy, I hate where I live, my mum lives 4 hours away and has pycosis, I lost my dog last year and can not get over not having one but I can’t have one because where I rent won’t let me. I have a husband but sometimes I don’t want him and sometimes I do. I feel like what have I done with my life, I’ve not got a career not got my own house, I’m stuck with no way out. Sorry for going on but I’m so sad and frightened of what’s to come.

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Hi,

OK. Firstly you've come this far to just give in. Sounds like your ex boss felt threatened by your skillset if her business owner mother looked to you to help her out? Most bullies I've encountered have had some dodgy skeletons in the closet..

I'm sorry you lost your dog. I lost mine last year.

Your personal life with your husband..
BG levels can leave one feeling, "not tonight dear.." Maybe a last minute change of mind not attending a social invite out?
Especially the highs for me.. Just not in the mood.

The good news is you do have access to BG monitoring. I can appreciate circunstanses for you might seem bleak right now.
The first step I could advise (easier said than done.) is find your way to focus on managing your BGs first.
You may well be pleasantly surprised what could follow..

Best wishes..

Liftupjoe said:

Thank you for your reply, my husband is amazing he is so Understanding it’s just the way I feel about life at the moment, I’ve never ever felt like this I’m always happy,strong and love life, it’s hard to be me right now. I don’t want to go down the doc route and can’t talk to my mum or dad as my mum is going through tests for Alzheimer’s and I need them to be strong. I know I’m not I’ll or dying and am so grateful for that but I still need to pick myself up off the floor.

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Hi again,

I feel we all hit a "patch" from time to time. Without needing anything more than a sounding board, (someone to listen?)
A year of being needled by a toxic boss can have a knockon effect at home.
It can knock confidence all round. But your husband sounds like a good 'un. So I'm reading some positives still happening for you.
I'm married myself. Talking with you spouse can also help. He may also feel a little insecure of your own feelings on the relationship? (They can sometimes bottle up uncertainties & the relief of knowing how you actually feel can promote input to mutually resolve "stuff.")

But work is one aspect. When you are ready to find another job. If asked,"why leave the last one?" Promote the positive aspect of seeking new challenges & bringing your skills to the table.

Funny enough, my mum has Alzhiemers too. Those changes in personality can be difficult to accept.
My mum lives with my sister (full time carer.) a couple of hours away. We arranged this (9 years ago?) when she was diagnosed.
Her dog? i gave it a home.. That's the little chap I lost last year. (Irreplaceable hound.)
I tend to go down & "mum sit" for a week or two with a carer comming in daily for the "personal stuff."
We have some great times.. I don't know about your mum?
But one positive outcome is she knows I have "something?!" But I don't get the "old school" annoying "over care" from her regarding my diabetes any more.

To be fair to you. You sound like are already going for the stand on your own feet & leaving that "floor" behind..

Liftupjoe said:

Hello I don’t know where else to go as I don’t want anybody that knows me to worry

I am a type one Diabetic and have been for 38 years, I have just recently been given a libre 2 sensor which I love but am so frightened of it getting taken off me. My life is such a mess and I am very very down which intern messes with my blood sugar and I’m all over the place. I don’t know what to do or how I can change the way I’m feeling. I have just left a job after 1 year of a toxic boss who literally has made me feel stupid and very anxious. She was a real bully calling me names intimidating me in front of all staff unfortunately the owner of the company is her mother who previously I worked 10 years for and she wanted me to help her daughter with the new side of the business. I am glad to leave but now I’m looking for a new job and I’m just as frightened as I was going into work with her every day. I’ve not had an interview in 10 years and I don’t know what I want. I’m not sure I will ever be happy, I hate where I live, my mum lives 4 hours away and has pycosis, I lost my dog last year and can not get over not having one but I can’t have one because where I rent won’t let me. I have a husband but sometimes I don’t want him and sometimes I do. I feel like what have I done with my life, I’ve not got a career not got my own house, I’m stuck with no way out. Sorry for going on but I’m so sad and frightened of what’s to come.

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Hi, I have been here for quite a few years now and I have one short message and maybe a long one.
Just to explain, I have a condition, which is rare and am like the opposite of T1.
I create too much insulin. My pancreas works overtime.
My first is, you have made the first step by asking for help on this forum.
That I know is a huge step, because the doubt of how others perceive you.
And this lot on here give really good advice, because most of them have been through what you are going through now.

In the past eighteen months (ish). I have gone through a really bad time, severe depression and chronic anxiety, and I would suggest as your family are many miles away, except for hubby, that if you can't speak to anyone else, I would suggest you make an appointment with your GP, or some other agency that helps with this sort of mental health issues.
My GP was so understanding and sorted counselling and support in many ways, my GP took time out to listen to what happened to me. I even had a face to face (mask to mask) during the height of lockdown, then organised a neurologist, whom phoned me and then offered an appointment because it was easier to see what was developing.
It might seem as though you are lost and you are unable to do anything about it.
But those who have been trained in in mental health issues, will help you so much.
Your hubby is great! So, if he is that good, talk to him about your feelings, and ask his advice, then phone your surgery for an appointment or if you have an on line app to your surgery, just get an appointment and the best advice I can give you now.
You have hit bottom, the only way is up, and believe me, you have a family, friends and Santa will be here soon, maybe wish for a companion. You never know!
Talking about what you are going through, really helps and you need support.
And at this stage, talking is the best treatment.

Keep safe and keep asking and keep talking.
It is not as bad as you are thinking.

Best wishes