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My dad's in denial.

S

Samalander

Member
Messages
5
Type of diabetes
Family member
Treatment type
I do not have diabetes
Hi All,

Sorry this is a long one but I'm really after advice (or maybe just to vent), I don't understand how to bring sugar levels down without insulin and my stubborn father is refusing to acknowledge that it's constantly too high, or that he is even diabetic.

I'm no innocent to diabetes as my boyfriend has type 1 (and uses a pump). But about a year ago my dad was diagnosed with type 2.

Now my dad (who is just 59) has been through a lot of serious illnesses like thyroid cancer and a pulmonary embolism, and takes medication for them.

But since he was diagnosed with diabetes he's basically been in denial with it. He refuses to test his blood sugar, heck he refused to even ask the doctor for a blood test kit until recently because I bribed him with a guitar.

He's got 2 different tablets to take 4 times a day, one is a giant pill that has glucose in the name so I presume it's to bring his blood sugar up from what I can tell, and one that when I googled it, said it was an 'insulin enhancer'.

Now i've managed to get him to let me test his blood sugar twice within a week.
Last Thursday it was at 14.2, and this was in a morning without food.
And just now on Monday, i've tested it and it's 23.3.

I've asked him to at least take one of the insulin enhancer tablets but he's refusing because it says on the prescription box to only take with a meal. So he's sticking with that.

And basically now my problem is, I don't know what to do. I'm angry that he knows what I have been through with my boyfriend, all the seizures and DKA and 3am hospital trips. And yet he is doing nothing to help himself.

I know he is at risk of DKA at the moment, so I'm basically just waiting to hear him be sick and then I'll get him to the hospital.

I just don't want it to take till something serious happens for him to take diabetes seriously... Which is why I'm trying to step in and help out.
 
The best way to bring sugar levels down without insulin is to not put them up in the first place. By that, I mean don't eat/drink sugars/carbohydrates, or, at least cut down drastically. If he does this, his sugar levels will fall. What does he eat? Can you influence that? Members here have brought down much higher sugar levels than your father's by changing to a Low Carb diet.
Sally
 
That's what I'm trying to work out, he keeps saying he either hasn't eaten anything or just had a sandwhich... I guess I should look more at meal plan ideas and start getting him on something more stable.

Is there nothing I can do short term apart from wait for it to drop then? Do things like DKA etc not happen as fast for type 2's as type 1's? Because my partner can get ill rather quickly if he's too high for around an hour, and suddenly need the hospital. So is type 2 more alright to have higher blood sugar for longer?

Thanks,
Sam
 

If he's in denial he's not going to go for the low carb diet is he?

Get some images of limbs being cut off and point out that this will be him in a year! Not a lot of help I know. But coming to terms with this is the next step, not easing off the bread!
 
Type 2s can get DKA but it's not as common. The greater risk imo is long term damage to the body from high blood sugar - blindness, neuropathy, loss of limbs, etc
 
Type 1's have rapid onset of DKA because our beta cells don't work at all. Type 2's betacells may be spurting out a little.

Have you sat opposite your dad at a table, looked him in the eyes and told him that you love him and don't want him intentionally making himself ill?

I really mean an honest heart to heart.. Not sat on a settee or in comfy chairs etc... But on a formal basis opposite each other?

I say at a table opposite each other... As this makes listening more effective.. Ie you never see business men or women or politicians sat down on comfy chairs talking business.

You are effectively talking business to your dad.. You need to tell him in a formal way... Without distraction..

You are his daughter.. Not his carer and you need to explain about the harm that may happen. It sounds as if he has had health issues and may just be fed up with medication etc... But he sounds like he has fought to stay alive so far and perhaps telling him that you would really like to see him fight diabetic complications may help...

There is little that you can do short term to lower levels if your dad isn't wanting to take meds.

Do you live with him?
 
  1. A low carb diet isn't a diet it basically eating a lot of stuff that is regarded as unhealthy in other diets but by leaving out the virtually all the carbs the body burns all the fatty oils and
 
Low carb isn't really a diet as just leaving out the carbs and having lots of fatty oils and protein. For example your dad could eat bacon and eggs and sausage (almost) as much as he wants without feeling guilty and his blood sugar will drop dramatically and the really strange part is most people find their cholesterol also goes down.
 
Hi Salamander

It's really difficult to know what to say here considering your dad has very high blood sugars for circa a year now and he is (I'm assuming here) familiar with the issues that your boyfriend has as T1.

This forum is filled with all sorts of people with all sorts of issues and solutions but the over all summary is that they are here to solve their problem and contribute to helping other solve theirs.

If he's not willing to listen to you right now - let this thread run and show it to him. Maybe, maybe, maybe it will show him that he's not alone and if he wants to address the situation there are loads of people outside the family that can help.

Take care - good luck. Hope we can help bring him round. He's not from Yorkshire by any chance??? (see signature)!
 
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

It's so hard watching someone you love get preventable complications and risk their life for no reason other than denial and stubbornness. But you will need to step back and look after yourself before you burn out. By all means try to tell him squarely what will happen if he doesn't reduce carbs, lose weight, and take his meds regularly. But if he won't listen, there is nothing else you can do. Focus on your own life, and your boyfriend who is willing to be helped.

He is at risk, but not at the same kind of risk as a T1 diabetic. His complications will take months rather than hours to develop, if they haven't already.

Aside from blindness, kidney failure, and amputations, diabetics who don't take control of their health risk constant annoying skin infections, getting more and worse colds and flu, abscesses that need urgent surgery to drain, sexual dysfunction, (if obese, sleep apnea, heart disease and stroke), teeth falling out from gum disease (chronic infection), severe constipation and bladder problems from nerve damage, and other things I haven't thought of. For the sake of cutting down on carbs and taking a few meds, it's not really worth it, is it?
 
Haha no he's not from Yorkshire, and I'm afraid he's one of those types that wouldn't be happy with me posting about him online, showing him the thread might do more harm than good
 
Samalander said:
Haha no he's not from Yorkshire, and I'm afraid he's one of those types that wouldn't be happy with me posting about him online, showing him the thread might do more harm than good
Click to expand...
Shame @salamander (the not listening - not the Yorkshire bit) and I think @CatLadyNZ has covered most of the complications. He doesn't need to know we're talking about him. My real name is not baruney and I'm sure your dad doesn't call you salamander (again another assumption). Knowing your dad as you do, and I know your at wits end - how can we help you.

Don't forget lung cancer was once a rare disease and I am sure that with the right information T2 diabetes can be reversed from the global pandemic that it will surely become (if there's enough money to be made from it. - non signature comment).
 

Yes, I still live at home with my parents most of the time.

For the most part i've been leaving him to it, but his mood lately had became intolerable so I had a talk with him thinking the mood swings could be an affect of his sugar levels.
That's when I found out he's really not doing anything to even test it, except having check ups with the GP who just keep saying his levels are high. So since then, I have been trying to sit down and have talks with him. Sometimes he just refuses to hear anything when I'm trying to put across how serious it is to have constantly high levels. But if I try again a few hours later he tends to listen at least for a few minutes. He knows the affects diabetes can have, he knows that at this rate, he could lose an appendage, it just seems like he's trying to ignore it hoping it will go away.

I did manage to get him to let me test him 3 times today though, so I think I'm making progress(!)

And thank you for clearing up about T2 with DKA.

Thanks,

Sam
 
I'm going to be brutally upfront @Samalander .Sounds like you got grief (health wise) with both your dad & your BF.
The picture painted portrays they both can't manage their respective conditions...
I'm speaking as a T1. & qute frankly the only time I was DKA was before diagnosis. For the record? Never passed out on a low either.

These guys have got to take a fair portion of responsibility.
I don't like going "Jeremy Kyle", but they will grind you down long before they totally screw themselves...
 
What does your mother think about it all?

Who does the shopping? If it's your Mum, maybe you and her could stock the kitchen with healthier food and take away the foods and drinks that tempt him. Just as an exercise, for a day or two. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.

I think he is scared of facing facts about his situation. He might think there's no hope of avoiding complications, and he might be dreading an imaginary future of unsatisfying food. It sounds like his thinking is distorted in many ways. Does he drink much alcohol? He might fear cutting down, if he is self-medicating for anxiety with it.
 

I'm not sure how anyone can help I'm just frustrated I guess.

It's actually nice to talk to people who know more about diabetes than I do, even if there is not much anyone can do. I've never written in a forum before because I usually just try to deal with things as they come but I just feel so helpless in this situation that it's nice to talk it out really

I just have found it so hard to deal with such a serious illness coming into my life suddenly a few years ago with meeting my partner, and all the ups and downs that has brought, that having to deal with this with my dad and realising that he's on this destructive path to all the things my partner and I both fear and joke about... I don't know, it's just something I never realised I'd have to be involved in I guess. My dad has always taken medication everyday for years no problem, I just thought at first that this was just another thing he'd deal with himself.
 
While getting him to face up to the condition and do something about it himself would be the best option, testing and medication is only part of the solution. As others have said a change in diet can work wonders. Do you eat at the same time, could you change your meals to a lower carb option and just let him eat what you eat, it won't do you any harm, although if your BF eats with you he might have to watch his insulin intake if he eats less carbs as well. Could you also check around the house, see what high carb items are there and see how quickly they get used up, that might give you a better idea of what he is eating than just asking him. Some one else mentioned about the shopping, if there is any way you can effect that it might help, if something isn't in the house it is less of a temptation to eat it. I know what I am suggesting may sound a bit sneaky but if it works it would be worth it, the scent of bacon and eggs frying motivates most people into wanting to eat some, even if it means offering yours to him and then doing yourself the rest of the pack it might help him off the higher carb foods.

Also, don't worry about coming here for a rant, or to get the whole thing off your chest, it must be incredibly frustrating for you and while we might not be able to help much, most of us are willing to listen and give what support we can.
 
Hi Salamander
Having read through your posts regarding your father I noticed that he has had other health issues and also low mood swings, I'm 56 not much younger and depending on mood take my T2 seriously or totally ignore it. Luckily I now have a great GP and am getting treated for depression and guess what I am now tacking my diabetes more seriously. I think that with all the other health issues maybe your father has just given up or is depressed, what support has been offered by his GP such as a education program like Desmond
 
he is a grown man and he know's exactly what's what. I'd say cruel to be kind. leave him to it you have your life to live and he's not playing fair with you so love him or not let him sort himself. he will have a nurse at the gp's.
 
Hi there, I would be inclined to encourage your Dad to get some counselling' the GP should be able to refer him or, if you are lucky, some health authorities now run self referral schemes. It sounds like he has been hit with some awful health problems in a short space of time and these May have affected him more then he's let on - the diabetes could be the final straw. You sound like you are fairly close with your Dad, maybe have gentle chats, ask him how he feels and if he doesn't want to talk about it then don't push the point. He will get there, some people just need a little longer than others and to have their hands held gently and to know, that no matter what they are loved. I wish you and your Dad all the best x
 
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