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My daughter staying with her dad at weekends

R

Rjrc

Newbie
Messages
1
Type of diabetes
Parent
Treatment type
Pump
Hi, I'm new to this forum stuff as I struggle to talk to others about things that occur in mine and my daughters life. But I think talking to others in the same situation may help me get over the way I have been feeling. My daughter was diagnosed with diabetes in February 2011, she was 2 years old. As you can expect it came as a huge shock to me and her dad, who I was already separated from. From day 1 I've struggled to accept the fact my daughter is diabetic, I get upset, angry & scared. I can't come to terms with the fact that she has to go through this every day for the rest of her life. She will never get a break from it. It will always be with her. It tears me apart & I'd do anything to take it away from her. But, this isn't the reason I am posting here today. My daughter was admitted to hospital yesterday after spending the weekend with her dad. It came to light that she hadn't been fed one meal since she went to stay with him on Friday. All she had eaten was sweets and crisps & had not received much insulin to cover the little she did have, resulting in very high blood sugars & key tonnes in her blood. She became very unwell, very quickly when she returned home to me on Monday morning. I managed to get her blood sugar stable quickly & the key tonnes came right down too. But I still took her to hospital as I worry so much about something bad happening to her. My daughter adores her dad & he's since said he's not been in a great place & struggled massively with her this weekend. ,y first instinct as her parent is to stop access straight away & I requested her to be safeguarded at the hospital. Social services had phoned me this morning, but closed the case, as they said they were confident I could sort this issue on my own, but the truth is, I don't think I can & that's the help I'm asking for today. Obviously my daughters health comes first & always will. She will always be my first priority. But me stopping her dad seeing her is going to cause her so much pain & I know I will get it in the neck massively from him. He can be very aggressive & violent towards me if he doesn't get his way & I'm petrified of all the trouble this could cause. It may seem like an easy answer to a lot of you. But for me it's far from it. I just want my daughter to be happy, healthy & we'll looked after. But it seems every way I look at it, I'm the bad one. What can I do to still let her see her dad, but to make sure she is being properly looked after. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.
 
Well honestly, my mother was the same way when i was younger with my father every time i would visit him, she made him take a class at a hospital (miami children's hospital here in miami fl.) and she made him learn how to check my blood sugar, how to check if i have key tones and even how to inject and change my pump, my mother wouldn't dare to let me go to my fathers house if he didn't care for me the proper way. You should teach your daughters father how to manage your daughters diabetes and if not threaten him saying you won't allow visitation rights until he's learned how to care for his daughter with type 1 diabetes. Here in florida, we don't give a **** what child services say! Especially cuban mothers with a type 1 diabetic daughter! as my mother says in spanish "Si tu piensas q te voy a dejar con mi hija y q tu no sepas nada de su diabetes entonces vete pa la pinga porque tu no eres un verdadero padre si sabes ni pinga" translation "If you think i'm going to let you see our daughter over the weekend without you taking care of her diabetes then go to hell, because you're not a real father if you don't know anything jack **** about your daughters diabetes". (I am 17 years old now. it will be 12 years this november since i've been diagnosed with diabetes, take this advice, please.) @Rjrc
 
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It must be hard on you as a parent, and can understand why you feel frustrated, and your daughter is very lucky to have a mum like you there are many people here who are willing to listen and support, I hope you get help and the advice you need from this forum.

If it's hard to talk to your husband without him getting aggressive, you can get counseling or a mediator/ hospital setting with the specialist/gp and set a meeting with you and your husband on how he can contribute to caring for his child by doing the right thing. Maybe it hasn't occurred to him yet that his daughter has a serious condition and needs proper attention and once he sees the importance of it, he might be able to catch up on dietary and insulin requirements and respond well.

As you said, your daughter loves her dad very much and to stop her from visiting her dad may not be good too. I was a child of divorced parents, and as a child I stayed with my mum on weekdays and my father on the weekends. When I was younger, looking back, I didn't notice neglect or any of the issues my parents had with each other ---I was just happy to see my dad on the weekends. I was too young to understand, but I remembered having fun with my dad on the weekends and any issues they had (my mum didn't like my dad very much said he was irreponsible) I wasn't aware till I was much older (late teens ) and I didn't hate my dad for it.


But if he continues to neglect his responsibilities despite him being taught, then you might want to escalate and call the attention to social services again. Act on maternal instinct, your daughters health and well being is your first priority.

Best of luck to you and your child.
 
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Hi

Very hard if Social Services are putting everything upon you to manage.

To be honest, I would go to Citizens Advice Bureau if you are in UK. Or if you have house insurance with legal aid ( always costs more though), this may be something that they can give advice with.

As for the feelings of your daughters diagnosis. All parents go through this.
It is a struggle to cope with it. However, your daughter is quite able to go on and have a brilliant life. Diabetics can still do the majority of things. In fact aircraft flying with passengers and emergency services probably the only thing that is ruled out.

The coping strategy for you is hard by yourself. You are the one however that is teaching your daughter her coping mechanisms for the future, so you must be strong and positive. If she sees even at such a young age that Mum cries and gets upset about my diabetes.. She will pick up on that. Kids learn practically everything for later life learning from their parents...

I hope you have applied for DLA in UK as this is important when having to take extra care of a child.

Have you got family and friend at all that could be negotiater supporter to both you and ex partner over your childs health care.







Loving life
 
At the least I would have a meeting with your daughters dr, your husband said he has difficulties. The dr may suggest day time custody with a pre planned lunch and dosage Your husband can make an appointment with the dr to learn about caring for his daughter. He may even be referred to a hospital unit for weekend assistance
It may be more successful this way and minimise any hostility. As any action is by the dr on your daughters behalf
 
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