New and devasated

Heretic1 said:

I am too still undecided about the merits of testing - there is part of me that thinks that IS harnessing me to 'it', though can potentially see I can judge what will / will not affect me so much. I think Part of me is also frightened that I will find some of the food I soo love and think I can still eat is clearly no good and can't anymore!

I also think there is plenty of time for testing, counting etc when my Pancreas does finally pack up which (as I understand???? ) is inevitable anyway.

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Hi @Heretic1 I didn't like the idea of testing either. I have a huge needle phobia, and also I didn't want to become obsessed with testing a number of times every day. I didn't self test until after my 3 month HbA1c retest, when I realised that unless I did test I would have no idea of how my bs was going until my next HbA1c in 12 months time. Unlike a lot of others I don't test to see how different foods affect me. I think I have a good idea of what will affect me. I usually only test first thing in the morning to get an idea of how I'm doing. My fbgs have been generally less than 7, which I think is ok for me. If they had been higher I probably would have tested after meals to find out what had affected me.

It is not inevitable that your pancreas will pack up. That is what we are told by some HCPs, and that might be because the majority of diabetics who follow NHS advice will find their condition gets worse. But if you take control of your condition it can be 'reversed' or kept in remission. You will see a lot of people on here who have done that.

Heretic1 said:

All,

Thank you very much for your kind words and welcome. As I sit and type this tears are again flowing down my cheeks.

I am not yet convinced (either way) on the merits of a LCHF approach. I am not too bothered about potatoes (except chips ) but sooo love rice and pasta - though I have currently given all of these up - still scared of virtually everything!

I am too still undecided about the merits of testing - there is part of me that thinks that IS harnessing me to 'it', though can potentially see I can judge what will / will not affect me so much. I think Part of me is also frightened that I will find some of the food I soo love and think I can still eat is clearly no good and can't anymore! I also think there is plenty of time for testing, counting etc when my Pancreas does finally pack up which (as I understand???? ) is inevitable anyway.

The overwhelming advice I have been given is that weight reduction and diet will have by far the biggest influence in helping my levels be near 'normal' so that is where my current focus is, I guess currently on a LC ... and low everything else diet, which so far seems to work! What I do when I get there remains the next question!

I have a lot more questions to ask, and verifying of some of the comments that people have said to me, however they will save for another day. Today has been like most others, I start by being really positive and feeling I CAN do this, but constant reminders of what I can no longer do or eat gnaw away (forgive the pun) at that throughout the day, and as ever I end up feeling sooo fed up and emotionally drained.

Thanks again.

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As I said before take things a day at time you are doing really well already. If you don't feel you want to test your blood then don't do it it's not mandatory and it may stress you even more to do it at this stage and you certainly don't need that. We are all different people and so need different things and our diet has to be what suits us personally not what suits others. We do have some here who preach the strict LCHF mantra and frequent blood testing as being the only way to control diabetes but that does not suit everyone.. many can't tolerate high fat and most will modify things to suit them be it higher or lower carbs and fat You sound happy with your diabetes team... and yes there are good ones.. so work together on a plan as to what you think will suit you best

I find the testing isn't really a problem, the lancets are so thin you barely feel them, it's just like a click against your skin. I like having the control of knowing what's going on in my body and seeing the effects of what I eat quite clearly, it's the best feedback you can get on knowing what you're doing is right.

A less organised person than myself is hard to imagine but I manage testing 2 hours after meals without too many problems. My decision had to be was I going to live my life being scared of my own body and of what I was eating or was I going to take control and find out what I could eat, find a form of exercise that I could sustain and delay the onset of medication for as long as possible. I still take things one day at a time, I am still flexible in other areas of my life and by being open with my colleagues at work I have found a new source of support as well as educating them that diabetes can happen to anyone. One colleague recently commented that I had inspired her with my attitude and my determination over the last six months.
People in the forum are supportive and knowledgable, there is no such thing as a silly question if you really want to know the answer, but it is up to you to apply the information and accept the support. You soon find that everyone's diabetes is triggered by different things and we all react differently so test and learn about your body and how it reacts to different foods and situations. Be grateful for the past but look forward to start a new chapter. Your life adventure continues....

Welcome @Heretic1 and I know how you are feeling - I was exactly the same when I was diagnosed in November 2014. However, it's not all darkness and in some ways I now feel being diagnosed was the best thing that could have happened to me: It made me take stock of my life and I realise that I had been taking my body for granted and not taking care of myself as I approached the half century (I'm 50 next month).

When I was diagnosed (FBG of 17 and an HbA1c of 107), I weighed just under 19 stones with a 44" waist and had a diet that consisted of huge amounts of carbs.

Fast forward to today and I weigh 10.5 stones, have a 29" waist and am fitter and healthier than I've been since my teens: I run regularly (generally 3-5km a day and have recently finished my first 10k run), all the aches and pains I put down to getting old have disappeared and I have more energy now than I can remember ever having

I did do LCHF for about 6 months but since then I eat quite a lot of carbs and just manage things with regular testing of my BS levels: my diet has changed considerably to a far more healthy one (i.e. loads of vegetables and a careful watch on what carbs I do eat), but I don't find it restrictive and I really enjoy my food (I even manage to have occasional "treats" such as an ice cream if my BS is behaving itself): I eat a couple of slices a bread a day and have cereal on a morning, but don't eat potatoes (I prefer celariac now anyway ) and make sure I stay around 2,500 calories a day

I can't remember the last time I had a fasting reading of over 4.9 or any reading over 7.5 so my diet works for me, but everyone is different and you really do need to test to understand how your body reacts

At the moment, you probably feel like you're on the edge of an abyss but think of it as an opportunity to take control of your health and do something good for yourself - your body will thank you for it

Good luck!

Don't forget the intensive testing phase doesn't need to last that long. After a couple of weeks you will know what most things do to your BG and then wont need to test again for those foods/exercise whatever. Nowadays I usually test just once a day to make sure I'm still on track or if i am eating something different or feel funny for whatever reason. I don't stress about it though and if I haven't tested for a couple of days that's fine too.

I too loved all carby things - adored bread and pastries, ate loads of rice and pasta and thought they were impossible to live without.

At the start I decided to go cold turkey for a couple of weeks and was surprised to find i never had carb flu or anything and started to feel much better all round. I now rarely miss carby foods but I do have them occasionally. I 'allow' myself to have them so I never feel that deperate for them which I think I would if I thought I could never eat them again. So instead of the old high carb low fat with occasional high fat treats I now eat low carb high fat and have occasional high carb treats. and the carbs now have to be worth it so if there's some amazing fresh bread i'll have some slathered in delicious butter. If I really want a cake I'll share with someone and really enjoy it. I thought I would miss toast as I practically lived on it but find I really don't now and my tastes have changed. Carbs are addictive and if you can break the addiction then you may find you don't want them as much as you thought you did.

A book you may find interesting - though it's not aimed at diabetics is ' Lean in 15' which has some great quick low carb recipes as well as quick exercise ideas for fitness. My son, who is not diabetic but had let himself go a bit weight wise, swears by it. Since Christmas he lost over two stone without ever being hungry (and this is where I think the low carb high fat diet scores over any other weight loss diet as you don't have to count calories or ever be hungry) and now has a six pack to be proud of which he never had before.

Both my son and I started doing High Intensity interval training which is quick (5 minutes a day) and effective . You don't need to run for miles - exercise has a relatively small effect on weight loss compared to diet - unless you want to. I have taken up running but only because I felt so fit on this diet I had to do something with my newfound boundless energy!

Best of luck whatever way you decide to go.

Heretic1 said:

Whilst I haven't mentioned it before, my love of Ice Cream is also one of the things I currently grieve for (and probably one of the reasons why I'm here!), and miss despeately, so to occasionally have it has brought a (currently rare) smile to my face.

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Hi @Heretic1 I hope you have seen the thread about Oppo ice cream. It's relatively low carb and available from Waitrose, Holland & Barrett, the Co-Operative and Budgen stores.

Hi @Heretic1 I totally understand your emotions and frustrations on diagnosis, I was exactly the same this time last year, when I was diagnosed T2, but unlike you it wasn't a shock as my father died at age 62 from complications of diabetes (kidney failure, blindness, heart attack) his father died at age 54 from same thing, two of his sisters have died from complications as well. I had gestational diabetes 10 years ago and was told that you are 30% more likely to be full blown diabetes in 10 years if you don't take control - go forward 10 years exactly and her I am T2 diagnosed, was absolutely gutted, felt so guilty that I had let this happen, felt that ashamed and embarrassed that I didn't tell anyone because of fear of being 'judged' as 'well I am not surprised, as she is overweight and unfit' I couldn't handle the 'label' of diabetic let alone the judgement from others, especially as every year my mother had said you need to go to doctors and check your 'sugar' as she refers to it, because obviously I looked fat! The best thing is that because of the gestational diabetes, they sent for me every one or two years to monitor it, I decided not to go for nearly four years as I know I had put the weight on and would defo be diagnosed, I stupidly thought, that if I could lose a bit of weight before I went to be tested I would be fine. Not so, as I kept eating a high carb low fat diet as I thought that would lose the weight, how wrong was I, that was exactly what was keeping me from losing the weight and giving me diabetes. If only I'd gone before the four years, I would have found this website had the knowledge and changed the diagnosis and free from the 'label' that I know I will now have for life. Anyway I digress with my emotion!! I was HbA1c of 51 on diagnosis last June and put on Metformin 3 x 500mg a day. the first three months I stuck to it rigidly, buying my own test strips and meter and testing like mad. (Do give this a go, like previous posts say you get to know what effects you and only test when you feel either very smug or very tired or just wondering) No exercise (and still no exercise despite wanting to - just don't feel like it after work or don't know where to start, but that's another issue) but after 3 months HbA1c was 39, I went to that 'smug' feeling of thinking I can do this and it has not been as hard as I thought, all these years trying to lose weight and this LCHF is what I needed. The first euphoria settles as the morning levels don't go down very quickly or I fall in to the trap of thinking now my levels are lower I can have a sandwich or some toast which I love or a bag of chips and it won't have much effect, then I decide to test and realise no I cant, I am still diabetic!! I then get the emotions you get, that this is for life, there is no days off, I feel I am in prison for overcarbing and if I carb again I will be in prison longer or possibly 'hung' for it. I read some posts on here and they take it by the horns and deal with it and stay motivated months/years down the line, mine lasted about 3 months and the desperation for the old habits started to creep back in. A year on and half my hair has half fallen out and trust me I had a thick head of curly hair that everyone envied, I have a horrible taste in my mouth and the weight loss stopped after the first six months and I had only lost 2st. I am feeling more emotional than ever now as I don't know if this is the Metformin or the blood sugar levels before diagnoses were raised to long or if it is menopause (I am a 48 year old female with terrible hot flushes as well - but not sure if this is thyroid) I have posted a thread on here to see if anyone else has this but have had no proper replies, so feel very alone and more stressed than ever. My review is in 10 days time, hopefully will come off Metformin and see if the hair loss is from this, my last three HbA1c have been 38, 39, 37, - not sure what this one will be next week as my body is fighting like mad to get back to its 'comfortable' state of carbing and if I come of tablets then I need to be stricter than ever, I feel I used up all my motivation this last year, and the 'hair los and bad breath' is a bigger label than the diabetes which I hide, not mentioning the whiskers on my chin, not lady like at all. I am sure the emotion is a good thing it shows that we are passionate about our health and it will ultimately drive us to do something about it or at least speak to others about it!

You stepped over the line my friend and faced up to your problem well done. 10 years ago I was diagnosed with a 5kg malignant tumour in my liver. After major surgery I walked away and have been cancer free since. I am now T2. From my previous experience I'll give you this little nugget. While you have to take your condition seriously, life is for living my friend. Good luck

Heretic1 said:

All,

Thank you very much for your kind words and welcome. As I sit and type this tears are again flowing down my cheeks.

I am not yet convinced (either way) on the merits of a LCHF approach. I am not too bothered about potatoes (except chips ) but sooo love rice and pasta - though I have currently given all of these up - still scared of virtually everything!

I am too still undecided about the merits of testing - there is part of me that thinks that IS harnessing me to 'it', though can potentially see I can judge what will / will not affect me so much. I think Part of me is also frightened that I will find some of the food I soo love and think I can still eat is clearly no good and can't anymore! I also think there is plenty of time for testing, counting etc when my Pancreas does finally pack up which (as I understand???? ) is inevitable anyway.

The overwhelming advice I have been given is that weight reduction and diet will have by far the biggest influence in helping my levels be near 'normal' so that is where my current focus is, I guess currently on a LC ... and low everything else diet, which so far seems to work! What I do when I get there remains the next question!

I have a lot more questions to ask, and verifying of some of the comments that people have said to me, however they will save for another day. Today has been like most others, I start by being really positive and feeling I CAN do this, but constant reminders of what I can no longer do or eat gnaw away (forgive the pun) at that throughout the day, and as ever I end up feeling sooo fed up and emotionally drained.

Thanks again.

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