Not coping...

caity.x · Nov 18, 2014

I’m struggling, more than anyone knows. I’m so sick of being ill. For me, not taking insulin used to be about losing weight. Now I know I’m too thin, I want to get better, maybe even put a wee bit of weight on (so many people tell me I look ill, I’ve even heard whispers that I’m anorexic) but I just can’t face those injections. Every day I’m so tired, my head hurts, in fact my whole body hurts. I feel sick, I can’t speak properly, I’m so angry all the time. I just want to sleep. People ask me if I’m ok, they can see that I don’t look well but they don’t know the half of it. The way I feel inside, just wanting to lie down and close my eyes. Every day I think about ending my life, but at the same time I’m too scared to do it, I don’t know if it’s fear or weakness. It’s such a feeling of being stuck between a rock and a hard place, I feel completely trapped. I don’t know what to do anymore, the only place I really want to be is in bed, under the covers with the blinds closed and the lights off. Alone, in my own space, my safe place. I don’t get dizzy in there; don’t feel like I’m going to fall down at any minute. Some nights I feel so ill that I mentally prepare myself for the fact I’m not going to wake up the next morning, I’ve genuinely thought that I’m going to die more than once. I hate having to come to work, at work I have to face people with their stares and questions. I know people are concerned and don’t mean to be nosey but I just want to be left alone. I don’t think the antidepressants I've been put on work, I feel worse than ever. I feel so lost and confused; I don’t know what to do. I wish there was some place I could go where they’d give me my insulin every day at the right times, try to get me back on track, like a rehab, but as far as I know there’s no such thing.

Emmotha · Nov 18, 2014

Hi.
Sorry to hear you're feeling so down
I can't help with the depression, I don't have much experience but plenty of ppl on here have gone through it and have come out the other side.

what I do know is that a lot of what u r feeling is, or is magnified by, high blood sugar symptoms. The tiredness, anger, dizziness. I was diagnosed 6 months ago and before that when my BG was out of control, I had a lot of those symptoms too.

You've made the first step, which is coming on here and asking for help

It is a pain, it's horrible, but you have to try and get back control so that u can focus on feeling better.

Why don't you try small goals? Ie tomorrow aim to test your blood sugar before every meal and before bed. Start a diary too. Write down ur food, carbs and insulin, but also your thoughts and how u r feeling. This will be therapeutic but u can also take it to ur doctor and get some really good advice

noblehead · Nov 18, 2014

You need to ask for professional help Caity, not taking your insulin and not controlling your bg levels will make you feel awful and can lead to DKA, try and get into your Dr's in the morning and explain everything to them what you have said above, hopefully they will see how bad your situation is and refer you over to the hospital, if you feel unwell overnight do get someone to take you to A & E or dial 999 for an ambulance.

Scandichic · Nov 18, 2014

caity.x said:
I’m struggling, more than anyone knows. I’m so sick of being ill. For me, not taking insulin used to be about losing weight. Now I know I’m too thin, I want to get better, maybe even put a wee bit of weight on (so many people tell me I look ill, I’ve even heard whispers that I’m anorexic) but I just can’t face those injections. Every day I’m so tired, my head hurts, in fact my whole body hurts. I feel sick, I can’t speak properly, I’m so angry all the time. I just want to sleep. People ask me if I’m ok, they can see that I don’t look well but they don’t know the half of it. The way I feel inside, just wanting to lie down and close my eyes. Every day I think about ending my life, but at the same time I’m too scared to do it, I don’t know if it’s fear or weakness. It’s such a feeling of being stuck between a rock and a hard place, I feel completely trapped. I don’t know what to do anymore, the only place I really want to be is in bed, under the covers with the blinds closed and the lights off. Alone, in my own space, my safe place. I don’t get dizzy in there; don’t feel like I’m going to fall down at any minute. Some nights I feel so ill that I mentally prepare myself for the fact I’m not going to wake up the next morning, I’ve genuinely thought that I’m going to die more than once. I hate having to come to work, at work I have to face people with their stares and questions. I know people are concerned and don’t mean to be nosey but I just want to be left alone. I don’t think the antidepressants I've been put on work, I feel worse than ever. I feel so lost and confused; I don’t know what to do. I wish there was some place I could go where they’d give me my insulin every day at the right times, try to get me back on track, like a rehab, but as far as I know there’s no such thing.

Really sorry to hear how you feel. Sounds like you need to get back in touch with the doc. Perhaps you can have a different type of medication for the depression. I think it takes a brave person to keep going not a cowardly one. Who are you talking to about your feelings? I am T2 so can't advise about the injections. What about a pump? @donnellysdogs or @Engineer88 any advice?

Robinredbreast · Nov 18, 2014

Sounds like you want to hibernate, but for longer than winter or you just want to stop the world and get off. You are obviously very low and as you look young, I wonder if there is a help line or help centre for young adults in your area that you could get in touch with, or go back to your GP.
When someone feels so negative, down and depressed you can't see a way out, but with the right help, support and guidance, the future could look so much brighter for you. Please take care and I wish you all the best.

I wish you all the colours of the rainbow................. expect blue

RRB x

donnellysdogs · Nov 18, 2014

Hi

So sorry to hear you are struggling with diabetes, injecting and more...

First off, what's your BMI? And what are your levels running at? Are you injecting at all?

Are you under the care of a GP or consultant?

I am currently helping a friends daughter in a special eating disorder clinic. She is now day 17 there. So I can appreciate the struggles you are having. I speak and txt this lady at least 3 hours a day as I live too far away to visit her daily. It sounds like you are really struggling. Have you spoken to a GP at all? Have you got any person close to you that you trust and can confide in totally.

There is no easy answer if you have a eating order as well as diabetes. I know my friends daughter eating problems aren't diabetes related... (Not diabetic), and she has huge problems to be assisted with. Sometimes you need professional help, and I really would urge you to talk to your GP and or diabetic consultant.

I do urge you to take this first step to better health... Depression, tiredness, lethargy and non injecting are all signs that your vital organs including your brain are struggling. They need nourishment and you need to inject, but I just urge that you speak to a professional to help you...

jack412 · Nov 18, 2014

caity, you need to get yourself to hospital, you may need both an insulin drip and mental health stuff. I'm so sorry how you have got to this, but there is help there to reach out to

donnellysdogs · Nov 18, 2014

@caity.x

Back in August you said you were pregnant. What's the situation regarding your pregnancy?

Your post concerns me enormously. Your health and well being is very important. You say you're on antidepressants, how long have you been taking them. Are you taking them as prescribed?

Sorry to ask so many questions, but I'm really concerned for your health and wellbeing...and need to know just a few answers to try to give you some further support and help...

AndyOD · Nov 18, 2014

caity.x said:
I’m struggling, more than anyone knows. I’m so sick of being ill. For me, not taking insulin used to be about losing weight. Now I know I’m too thin, I want to get better, maybe even put a wee bit of weight on (so many people tell me I look ill, I’ve even heard whispers that I’m anorexic) but I just can’t face those injections. Every day I’m so tired, my head hurts, in fact my whole body hurts. I feel sick, I can’t speak properly, I’m so angry all the time. I just want to sleep. People ask me if I’m ok, they can see that I don’t look well but they don’t know the half of it. The way I feel inside, just wanting to lie down and close my eyes. Every day I think about ending my life, but at the same time I’m too scared to do it, I don’t know if it’s fear or weakness. It’s such a feeling of being stuck between a rock and a hard place, I feel completely trapped. I don’t know what to do anymore, the only place I really want to be is in bed, under the covers with the blinds closed and the lights off. Alone, in my own space, my safe place. I don’t get dizzy in there; don’t feel like I’m going to fall down at any minute. Some nights I feel so ill that I mentally prepare myself for the fact I’m not going to wake up the next morning, I’ve genuinely thought that I’m going to die more than once. I hate having to come to work, at work I have to face people with their stares and questions. I know people are concerned and don’t mean to be nosey but I just want to be left alone. I don’t think the antidepressants I've been put on work, I feel worse than ever. I feel so lost and confused; I don’t know what to do. I wish there was some place I could go where they’d give me my insulin every day at the right times, try to get me back on track, like a rehab, but as far as I know there’s no such thing.

Totally agree with @noblehead. One step at a time.
The one thing I know is, you're not alone, here we all understand honest.
The tiredness comes from the High BGs you get TLPO Tired, Listless and ****** Off - you can only deal with this by getting the BG down not mega low, aim for single digits at first - try not to overreact to any high you see and have manageable goals (easy to say) but honest I've been there.
We are all here.

iHs · Nov 18, 2014

If you are finding it difficult to comply with multiple injections, ask to try twice daily insulin which is easier to get used to, doesnt get in the way of having a good time at nightclubs etc. You just have to remember to eat certain amounts of carbohydrate at set times and test bg levels about 4 times a day.

You can then move to mutltiple injections at a later time if you so wish.

None of us like being diabetic or injecting insulin but we all get used to it and you'll be surprised to find out that diabetes is now a fairly common medical disorder.

Look after yourself

caity.x · Nov 18, 2014

donnellysdogs said:
@caity.x

Back in August you said you were pregnant. What's the situation regarding your pregnancy?

Your post concerns me enormously. Your health and well being is very important. You say you're on antidepressants, how long have you been taking them. Are you taking them as prescribed?

Sorry to ask so many questions, but I'm really concerned for your health and wellbeing...and need to know just a few answers to try to give you some further support and help...

I lost the baby. Been on the Prozac for coming up 6 weeks now and taking them as prescribed.

caity.x · Nov 18, 2014

Thank you for all the kind words and support. I just can't find it in myself to reply individually, I've hit rock bottom and I'm just dying to get home and in to bed, I'm knackered both mentally and physically. Your help is appreciated though, maybe tomorrow will be a brighter day.

donnellysdogs · Nov 18, 2014

caity.x said:
I lost the baby. Been on the Prozac for coming up 6 weeks now and taking them as prescribed.

So sorry to hear of losing your baby Caity... Good that you taking the Prozac as prescribed.

Will wait for your responses tomorrow before adding in anything else.

jack412 · Nov 18, 2014

sorry to hear you lost the bub, my daughter lost 2 and I know how devastating it is
see if you can wack some basal, it may help with DKA overnight

donnellysdogs · Nov 18, 2014

@Flowerpot... Have you any advice here?

AndyOD · Nov 18, 2014

I'll never forget resisting for so long the 4 injections - hated the idea.
Since I've been doing it, it is great really liberated me from the having to eat in the mornings and get up.
Then saying do you know what I've have brunch today and then eat at dinner.
It just frees u up a lot.
But as I say it took them 4 years to convince me

catherinecherub · Nov 18, 2014

caity.x said:
I’m struggling, more than anyone knows. I’m so sick of being ill. For me, not taking insulin used to be about losing weight. Now I know I’m too thin, I want to get better, maybe even put a wee bit of weight on (so many people tell me I look ill, I’ve even heard whispers that I’m anorexic) but I just can’t face those injections. Every day I’m so tired, my head hurts, in fact my whole body hurts. I feel sick, I can’t speak properly, I’m so angry all the time. I just want to sleep. People ask me if I’m ok, they can see that I don’t look well but they don’t know the half of it. The way I feel inside, just wanting to lie down and close my eyes. Every day I think about ending my life, but at the same time I’m too scared to do it, I don’t know if it’s fear or weakness. It’s such a feeling of being stuck between a rock and a hard place, I feel completely trapped. I don’t know what to do anymore, the only place I really want to be is in bed, under the covers with the blinds closed and the lights off. Alone, in my own space, my safe place. I don’t get dizzy in there; don’t feel like I’m going to fall down at any minute. Some nights I feel so ill that I mentally prepare myself for the fact I’m not going to wake up the next morning, I’ve genuinely thought that I’m going to die more than once. I hate having to come to work, at work I have to face people with their stares and questions. I know people are concerned and don’t mean to be nosey but I just want to be left alone. I don’t think the antidepressants I've been put on work, I feel worse than ever. I feel so lost and confused; I don’t know what to do. I wish there was some place I could go where they’d give me my insulin every day at the right times, try to get me back on track, like a rehab, but as far as I know there’s no such thing.

Hi @caity.x

I think you should get an emergency appointment at your Doctors and print your post off and take it with you so that he can read it. You need more help than you are getting and you have not mentioned the loss of your baby which is another trauma that you are having to deal with. There is only so much that we can take before we crack and I think you have reached that point.

Sometimes antidepressants do not work and need changing to get the right one but I think you need immediate help rather than waiting for anti-depressants to kick in.

You could be offered outpatient or inpatient care and I feel that this is what you need. This is not something that is going to go away in a few days time.

Nobody should feel like this and I urge you to get the help you so desperately need.

(((((hugs))))) and please let us know how things are.

Scandichic · Nov 18, 2014

caity.x said:
I lost the baby. Been on the Prozac for coming up 6 weeks now and taking them as prescribed.

I am so sad for you. Big hugs! Please keep posting and please, please go and speak to your doc and your consultant. Huuuuuggggeee hhhuuuuugggggsssxxx

kman · Nov 18, 2014

caity.x said:
I lost the baby. Been on the Prozac for coming up 6 weeks now and taking them as prescribed.

Have sent you a short PM, thinking of you , sending you all our Love,

Kevin and. Wendie.

xxxx.

RHNtype1 · Nov 19, 2014

Hey there, I am not anything like a twenty something any more (lucky enough to be in my 40's with 2 great kids and still married to their Dad.) BUT I remember being your age and feeling as low as you describe for such a long time, I became very ill and did not believe it was worth being alive. All those comments that others have made are true, there is a way to get on with this but you must get real medical help to start your recovery.I wish you all the best with your start in taking on this hard journey, you will be glad once you are started but you might not believe us right now, promise we are telling you the truth.Take care.Rx

Sent from the Diabetes Forum App

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