I am replying now as a parent with 2 non-diabetic daughters in their thirties. It is very difficult when your children grow up not to try to manage everything for them as you used to. I tend to worry and try to help when they don't need my help with everyday things like making sure they have travel insurance and getting their cars serviced, so if they were diabetic I would probably be worse. It must be very annoying for you but it is not confined to diabetes, just a standard problem with parents who care about their children. I have an agreement now with my daughters that I won't interfere unless they actually ask for help, which seems to work.
Hi MissMJ, I do feel for you, it is so hard when others keep on fussing when you simply wish to get on with it yourself without it constantly being the centre of attention. Next time when your Mum offers you a doughnut, ask her if she would offer nuts to a person with a nut allergy! A doughnut may not kill you outright but your body cannot cope with the carbs and you may not want to have to faff about with a dose of insulin to accommodate it. Maybe you could buy your Mum a book that explains it all? I am sure they care about you but if they carry on like this you will end up purposely staying away from them. After 8 years your parents should know better, you have to manage your diabetes YOUR way and that means eating when YOU want to. Sorry I have no real advice but I can tell you that the vast majority of us feel your pain, (mostly from 'well meaning; work colleagues in my case). x
My parents haven’t seemed to get in the 8 years I’ve been diagnosed that things like eating etc have to take a president sometimes. I’m fed of trying to drill it into them as well. I know I should probably speak up more but when ever I do they say well why didn’t you say and OMG are you ok do we need to do anything. They don’t also seem to grasp that while it’s true I can eat or drink most things, there are somethings that I would like to avoid.
For example, a couple of weekends ago mum brought donoughts. I said no so many times but she kept offering so in the end I took one to shut her up but didn’t have my testing kit or insulin on me so my sugars went high.
Then there was the incident when I was driving. I could feel them dropping. Luckily we were only 10 mins away from home but as soon as I got there I tested and while not hypo at 4.2 it was below the legal limit. They were talking about going on into the village so I said that’s fine but I can’t drive at the mo as below the legal limit. They panicked as predicted and started to make me feel bad. Kept asking again if I needed anything and when my sister drove up made a deal about it with her.
How can I make them understand that they don’t need to fuss, that it’s part of my everyday life and while I appreciate that they care about me, they don’t need to keep panicking. It almost makes me not want to say anything and indeed sometimes I don’t as it’s less hassle.
I guess more than anything I just needed to vent amongst people who hopefully understand but any ideas welcomed.
Sometimes when my daughter thinks I still treat her as a child, she reads me the riot act and I back down.....mind you when I grab a 29 year old's hand when we cross the road (seems to happen so automatically, old habits & all that) it is a little (!!!!) OTTI am replying now as a parent with 2 non-diabetic daughters in their thirties. It is very difficult when your children grow up not to try to manage everything for them as you used to. I tend to worry and try to help when they don't need my help with everyday things like making sure they have travel insurance and getting their cars serviced, so if they were diabetic I would probably be worse. It must be very annoying for you but it is not confined to diabetes, just a standard problem with parents who care about their children. I have an agreement now with my daughters that I won't interfere unless they actually ask for help, which seems to work.
Daughter not diabetic, by the way........Sometimes when my daughter thinks I still treat her as a child, she reads me the riot act and I back down.....mind you when I grab a 29 year old's hand when we cross the road (seems to happen so automatically, old habits & all that) it is a little (!!!!) OTT
Your mother might never accept it. I've been diabetic now for nearly 52 years but when visiting my mother I'm always being asked if I want some chocolate biscuits or a banana. She shocked me about a year ago when I refused, by saying "oh you and your bloody diabetes". I won't tell you my response as it would be censored but I can't help wondering if that's how she's felt for most of my life.My mother drove me up the wall when she came with me to a non diabetes-related hospital appointment. The plan was that we would have our lunch in the city centre and then visit the archives section of the local library.
In the hospital waiting room, she kept asking me if I needed to eat and produced biscuits from her bag. I had to do a BS test to prove I wasn't falling dangerously low. (She never accepted the fact that if I was hypo, I needed something faster acting and always complained that she didn't like to see me munching glucose tablets, when she thought I could be eating something much nicer !) The final straw was when I was called in the see the consultant. She called across to me, "Take something to eat in with you, just in case." Once I got into the room, I explained what had been going on because I simply had to blow off steam. The consultant was a woman and laughed. She said a friend of hers also suffered from 'mother-induced' raised blood pressure quite frequently.
When this happened I was 50 and had been a type 1 for 40 years. You have my sympathy. You just have to stick to your guns and take your own decisions.
I am lucky in that sense as my mother is full on diabetic with type 2 diabetes and has been for 23 years! I have only been borderline diabetic for two and a half years, but still find it hard to resist offer of cakes or chocolates due to my sweet tooth. My mother refuses on my behalf any offer of cakes or chocolates, especially if we have had pudding already. At this luncheon club we regularly attend every fortnight, we were offered these small chocolate cakes to have with our tea or coffee, and since we had already had ice cream and apple strudel for pudding, mum refused on both of our behalves, whereas I would have aceepted those small chocolate cakes if I had been alone without mum there to stop me accepting one. So it does help to have a diabetic parent to manage one’s borderline diabetes.We can eat anything we want but as diabetics we know what we should avoid non diabetics just don't understand I get sick of eating like a rabbit and people who try to force food onto me which I would love to eat but I know I must avoid that makes it worse
Dear "Dodo", I thought this was me writing a response. My Mum, Dad and Sister nick-named me Dodo from when my big sis could speak (year older than me, now 54). My Mum's response kicked me in teeth 4 yrs ago when I was diagnosed T2, insulin dependant by commenting "Oh! This has never happened in our family before". I felt I'd let the family down, but you and I should maybe appreciate it was our own Mother's love and shock that caused their thoughtless reaction without intentional hurt. They're more scared than us because we have this site and knowledge. Take CareYour mother might never accept it. I've been diabetic now for nearly 52 years but when visiting my mother I'm always being asked if I want some chocolate biscuits or a banana. She shocked me about a year ago when I refused, by saying "oh you and your bloody diabetes". I won't tell you my response as it would be censored but I can't help wondering if that's how she's felt for most of my life.
I wish I could think that but when I asked only a few years back how she felt when I was diagnosed with T1, her reply was more "I thought, why does it always happen to me?" She tends to think about herself a great deal, I'm not the only family member who has realised this. Maybe I just wasn't the perfect daughter she had hoped for!Dear "Dodo", I thought this was me writing a response. My Mum, Dad and Sister nick-named me Dodo from when my big sis could speak (year older than me, now 54). My Mum's response kicked me in teeth 4 yrs ago when I was diagnosed T2, insulin dependant by commenting "Oh! This has never happened in our family before". I felt I'd let the family down, but you and I should maybe appreciate it was our own Mother's love and shock that caused their thoughtless reaction without intentional hurt. They're more scared than us because we have this site and knowledge. Take Care
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