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Personal Goals.

Guzzler

Master
Messages
10,577
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Diet only
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Poor grammar, bullying and drunks.
I try my best not to set personal goals but having been assessed for two other chronic diseases this subject is raised
often. At first I succeeded in those goals which were modest ones and not beyond attainment. As time has passed my goals stayed steady but my health deteriorated so I was forced to set more limitations on myself just in order to be realistic about what it was possible to set my sights on.

To set oneself to a goal and fail is soul destroying, to have this happen means lowering your expectations and this simple process has left me, at times, struggling to cope. I find that as time passes the question of personal goals can have the effect of making me really angry at times which makes me seem uncooperative and non compliant. I get the feeling that HCPs sometimes think I am closed minded to new approaches, I'm not, if I am honest I am just scared of failing yet again. And that is the crux of my problem with my recent diagnosis and 'recovery' plan.
What if my personal goal, which try as I might I cannot help but set in the back of my mind, of reaching and maintaining bg levels below 40 is beyond realistic. What is realistic? My level of knowledge is so low that I may be setting myself up to fail.

Your thoughts would be much appreciated.
 


Guzzler, it strikes me your approach to adjustment is applying the SMART acronym to your goals?

For those who may be unfamiliar with the acronym, I tend to interpret it along these lines:

S - specific, significant, stretching

M - measurable, meaningful, motivational

A - agreed upon, attainable, achievable, acceptable, action-oriented

R - realistic, relevant, reasonable, rewarding, results-oriented

T - time-based, time-bound, timely, tangible, trackable


The source of those specific words is: https://www.projectsmart.co.uk/smart-goals.php

Whether any given goal is actually achievable for any given individual is very personal, and of course when it comes to diabetes, not all factors are necessarily under our control (beta cell function, co-morbidities, just as examples).

There's little point in my committing to a goal achieving a height of 5' 10" with a pneumatic bosom, without surgical intervention, when I am a rather flat chested, mature, adult of 5' 3".

Like the rest of us Guzzler. The best you can do is give whatever goal you set your best shot, then adjust where necessary (whether the goal or your approach to it), along the way. With your commitment to the ND, nobody could fault your efforts, so please don't beat yourself up if your body refuses to comply with your idea.

(Not sure if that helps you Guzzler, I am being supportive.)
 
I wish I could click on three or four of the emotives as you have given me real advice coming from 'my side' of the fence. Thank you.
 
Hi Guzzler
To be disappointed or fearful of failure is indicative of only one thing to me, the determination you have in trying to tackle your issues. That's not something to beat yourself about - it's to be greatly admired.
Sure, having set goals, some of us may not get the results that we want or expect but, considering all the other things you're having to cope with, if one of your targets had been, 'try bloody hard to make things better', you're achieving this.
As for setting yourself up to fail? Well, bear in mind the old maxim that someone who has never failed has never tried.
Good luck.
 

Great maxim, never heard it before. Thank you.
 

Thought 1
I've read on here of people who have achieved bg levels that are normal But despite their best efforts they haven't been able to keep them down there. Also others who have not managed to get their levels back down to normal. Then again there are those who have got their levels to normal and have kept them there for many years.

Or sometimes our bodies or just plain life stops us from achieving what we want to but we should still try. Don't get defeated before beginning the experiment.

Thought 2
One of things that totally does my head in is the inaccuracies of the tools that we are able to use to measure our bg. Further that the very bg level by which we are diagnosed moves. It's been changed historically (I think that I read that somewhere) and it changes geographically.

Or is there any point in having a number to work to.

Thought 3
When I go to eat a meal I test my bg, before eating and 1 hour and 2 hours afterwards. If my bg spikes I can look on it as a failure or I can look on it as something that I've learned.

You can learn more by failing than you can by succeeding. Whatever the outcome you will have gained so much.
 
I really struggle with plans and lists and targets. I'm an absolute perfectionist and if things go even slightly off piste I absolutely loathe myself.

In terms of everyday life, a while back I ditched the 'to do' list approach, with a 'done' list. It was enlightening! Okay, so some of the things that would have made it on to the 'to do' list got forgotten as - of course - they weren't ON a list - but looking at the list of things I'd 'done' at the end of every day was absolutely brilliant! There was no 'I didn't do that - BOTHER' going on.

As far as actual goals and targets are concerned, there's perhaps rather more to it than writing a list, but I find it makes for a more relaxing, less sense of 'failure' kind of life if I remind myself that if I can be the best 'me' I can, that can only pay dividends, and I try (!) to be kind to myself.

A recent goal of mine was to be 'a runner'. I am a runner, in that I run. But I felt I was 'failing' so, so badly. Not going as fast as I wanted. Not looking gorgeous and athletic (yup, shallow!). And HURTING every time I tried it. So I've cut back on reading running websites, started reminding myself of why I want to do it, and for the last two sessions I have been taking it very very slowly, without injuring myself for once, and yet STILL calling myself a runner.......... So that, in its way, is success!

Bit off piste, this reply - sorry, @Guzzler, but it's not always all about a precise 'this HAS to happen in THIS way'.

If 40 is not realistic at the moment, pick another number. And when you've reached that number, pick a new one. Before long you will find you've smashed that 40. Make each journey between goals a small and achievable one. For example, 55 to 40 is a big step. 55 to 53 less so. Ditto 53 to 51. And so on. Smaller goals do not equal smaller triumphs! It's a process.

Big love,

Snapsy xxx
(Tortoise, not hare. Happy at the back.)
 
Thanks everyone.

It is a strange thing but at the one month stage from dx I had lowered my A1c from 98 to 73. I was still under no illusion that was still very high but I looked at the drop and I was chuffed. I was delighted with the response I got from forum members when I posted about it and that fall in numbers plus the support I got here spurred me on. However, of all the comments that I got there was/is one that sticks out in my memory. Not a negative comment, an honest one but it had the effect of deflating my 'high'. The commentater just wrote one simple line, 'Yes, but it is still too high'. He/she gave no attention to what I had done but focused on the mountain I was still to climb. No praise but no criticism just plain truth but at the time it made me feel that my efforts weren't good enough ergo I had failed. Out of all of the comments that was the one I remember clearly.
I suppose what came next shows my nature in that three months later my A1c came out at 43 and one of the first things I thought was directed at that commenter and it was 'Up Yours, I know you can't argue with that!'
But that first comment will stay with me, I hadn't done enough and there were no excuses is what I took from it.
 
Hammer1964 said:
Guzzler, 1 month in and your HbA1c had reduced from 98 to 73, that is brill and then down to 43 that is amazing. It took me 6 months to go from 78 to 37. Don't beat yourself up. Be proud.
Click to expand...
Thank you so much.
 
I must add that when I was at 73 I really tried not to set a target, I failed and centred on anything around the 50 mark. That is why I had such a huge reaction to the 43 which, I know is just outside the Magic42 but with the wobbles I had had and the margins for averages.... My goal is to be in the high 30s but more importantly than that is the overall goal of not becoming complacent, that, to me anyway, is far more dangerous.
 
Guzzler, there's nothing wrong with having a bigger picture goal, underwritten by a number of staged sub-goals.

By that I mean something like, "my goal is to run a marathon within 12 months" (or whatever), the sub-goals might be to run 5km by February (or whatever), then focus on the sub-goal, then another sub-goal from Feb to May, or whatever. Going for the immediate end game, big goal can just be too much and too far away to be able to track progress on a credible basis.

I am goal oriented. I thrive on goals and deadlines, but I'm also a bit of a perfectionist. Trust me, that can be a toxic mix, but I find that by setting credible, serial sub-goals I can usually get to my end game, whereas striving solely for end game on day one can be a bit overwhelming.

Goal setting isn't easy, and should never be done in a rush, if you want to really commit to them.
 
That does make sense, thank you.
 
@DCUKMod 's (SMART) advice is pretty well bang on and comprehensive, but the strategy I used when teaching development/progress in another area was T3 - Tiny Tickable Targets. If you set small targets you'll be more likely to attain them and attaiment will give you positive reinforcement to keep you going to the next target you set.
 
I like the sound of that one. Thank you.
 

I can relate to this totally. All it can take is one well-intentioned but ill placed comment to totally gut us, and turn an otherwise good day completely upside down. This happened to me a couple weeks ago after I had just got out of the hospital. As you know I was diagnosed just recently, and in the very beginning I was having trouble coping. One of the things that seemed to help get by was keeping a journal on my tablet of my BG readings, and meals.

I also posted my meals with pictures of them on Facebook for my friends to see. Most of my friends were supportive of me, and I was amused that they were liking my the meals. However, one of my Facebook friends took it upon herself to send me a long private message after reading some of my posts. In her message she gave me a long lecture about what was wrong with my diet. She told me I was eating to many carbs and I'd never get my sugar under control if I continued eating like I was. She also highlighted a few other problems with my meals for my benefit. Since she was diabetic herself I think she thought she was being helpful, and that I'd welcome her unsolicited advice. Her advice may have been true, but her message completely gutted me. It made me feel angry, upset, and guilty right when I was starting to feel better about things. I felt like she was usurping the roll of my dietitian before I ever had a chance to meet with her to discuss my diet.

I messaged my friend back and thanked her for her concern, but that I really could have done without her message and that I'd be getting my dietary advice from my dietitian and the rest of my health care team. I then removed her from my friends list, and permanently block her on Facebook. I sort regretted doing it, that I wasn't rolling with the punches. But I don't have time in my life anymore for people who are just going to knock me down. Now, like you when I get a decent BG reading I say a silent curse to my advisor, and that I'll be okay without their concern.
 
One of the first things that I learned after being diagnosed was not to discuss it. I only talk about it with 3 people in my life. I certainly have never mentioned it on facebook. It's simply not worth the grief.
 

Spot on. At times like at diagnosis the carrot is far more efficacious than the stick. Some people just don't know when to put down the stick. At first we have the physical battle to wage but it is also a mental battle that sometimes wins the war. You have made good progress and long may you continue.
 
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