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Rant sorry

alison.81

alison.81

Well-Known Member
Messages
49
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
My mum is a diabetic and is now in a care home as she has dementia. Yesterday when I visited her I noticed she had a chocolate cake and she said oh some kind person gave it me. I then asked the staff and they said it must have been your auntie. I knew which auntie it must have been.

Last night I rang her and said mum isn't supposed to have cake like that and especially not a full one! She then said to me she is type 1 and they can have cake. I told her no she is type 2 on insulin. Anyway to cut a long story short she wouldn't accept what I was saying and said she is type 1.

I asked her if she wanted to take her things in then rich tea biscuits are better for her. She then said I will take her a chocolate cake in.

I should add that the staff there are useless and they would just let her bring a cake in.

Before mum was diagnosed with dementia she controlled her diabetes exceptionally. I am just worried now because I know what my auntie is like and I just know she will take cake in and mum will just eat it.

Auntie just won't be told. How do I handle this?

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@alison.81 This is going to sound really blunt, but I think you may have to be with Auntie. Ask her a couple of simple questions if she won't listen to rationality.

1. Are you trying to kill my mother?
2. Are you trying to cause my mother to need her feet/legs amputated?

I get the impression that shock treatment may be the only way to snap her to attention. If she answers no to both these questions, then explain the issues with chocolate cake again.
 
It doesn't matter if your Mum is type 1 or 2, she can still have her cake as long as her blood sugars are controlled with insulin. Simple solution is to make sure you visit just after your Auntie has visited if you want to deprive your Mum of cake you can then remove it.
 
alison.81 said:
My mum is a diabetic and is now in a care home as she has dementia. Yesterday when I visited her I noticed she had a chocolate cake and she said oh some kind person gave it me. I then asked the staff and they said it must have been your auntie. I knew which auntie it must have been.

Last night I rang her and said mum isn't supposed to have cake like that and especially not a full one! She then said to me she is type 1 and they can have cake. I told her no she is type 2 on insulin. Anyway to cut a long story short she wouldn't accept what I was saying and said she is type 1.

I asked her if she wanted to take her things in then rich tea biscuits are better for her. She then said I will take her a chocolate cake in.

I should add that the staff there are useless and they would just let her bring a cake in.

Before mum was diagnosed with dementia she controlled her diabetes exceptionally. I am just worried now because I know what my auntie is like and I just know she will take cake in and mum will just eat it.

Auntie just won't be told. How do I handle this?

Sent from my Lenovo YT3-850F using Diabetes.co.uk Forum mobile app
Click to expand...

Do you have a power of attorney over your mother's affairs? I'm not a lawyer but I would have thought that, if you do, you can issue an instruction to the Care Home, telling them quite unequivocally that she is not to be allowed chocolate cake and that anybody attempting to give it to her should be prevented. You should also make the point to the Care Home staff that, by allowing your mother to have cake, they are further endangering her health and that you will hold them negligent in the event that her blood sugar readings worsen and/or that she develops complications she hasn't had up to now. If necessary put it in writing to them, but bear in mind that they're probably not going to like you for doing so and that it may be counter-productive..

As for your aunt.... I really don't know what to suggest. She appears to be determined to make your mother's health worse although she probably thinks she is giving her a nice treat that won't do her any harm: the road to Hell is paved with good intentions. If she really won't accept that your mum has T2, can you get her (ie your mum's) doctor to write a letter confirming this? No doubt there will be a fee for doing so and - once again - you probably won't be able to get them to do it unless you have some formal power over your mother's affairs, because it's personal medical data and can't be divulged without consent. Might be worth investigating, nevertheless?
 
Social services need to visit your Aunty. Maybe make your Aunty aware the authorities will not be very happy with her neglect.
Mind you is your Aunty accountable for her actions? Does she have problems of her own? Who is your mum's next of kin. They can instruct home not to allow Aunties visit.
I know severe but she is endagering your mum's life.
This is unethical.
I know it goes on as I once asked a friend who looked after my grandmother in her home and the answer was "we let them eat what they like, as they're appetite has gone".
I'm hoping I reach old age but if I end up in a home. I'll slowly die in there anyway. Defeats the object of the expense and care.
This proves my point that diabetics DO NEED A SPECIALIST DIET. An official diabetic diet to make it black and white.
Some employees in these homes need educating in a positive way!
 
Unless your mum decides to go low carb herself, there is little that others can do to prevent such incidents.
 
Please, please do remember this lovely Mum of Alison's has dementia so will have a very limited life expectancy so a bit of cake every now and then will do no harm. I know people love to get on their soap boxes regarding diabetics eating cake etc. but getting on your high horse over this is not really helpful.

I do speak from experience regarding dementia as my Father departed this world two years ago after an appalling 3 years with dementia.
 
CarbsRok said:
Please, please do remember this lovely Mum of Alison's has dementia so will have a very limited life expectancy so a bit of cake every now and then will do no harm. I know people love to get on their soap boxes regarding diabetics eating cake etc. but getting on your high horse over this is not really helpful.

I do speak from experience regarding dementia as my Father departed this world two years ago after an appalling 3 years with dementia.
Click to expand...
So I guess the staff at the home's are right. Let them eat anything!
 
Can you compromise with your aunt and maybe say something like - I know you want mum to have treats and I agree with you so do I, but a big chocolate cake is too much for her maybe you could take a couple of individual ones in so she can have it but not too much. I feel for you and understand that you feel your mum because of her condition has lost her control over her own actions.

Maybe meet your aunt half way instead of full on will get better results - try explaining to her that mum never ate those things before her dementia but enjoys them now does she have any suggestions as to how mum can have those treat in a controlled way - involving her rather than telling her may just work- good luck it's hard I know and you can only do your best (())
 
ickihun said:
So I guess the staff at the home's are right. Let them eat anything!
Click to expand...
That's unnecessary Ickihun. If life expectancy is low, then @CarbsRok has a fair point, and I jumped in rather too quickly. If it is less advanced dementia, then maybe there are issues. I get the impression from the OP that Auntie takes cake rather a lot, and this is where her concern lies. It sounds as though cake is alright as long as it's not all the time.

Maybe the OP can clarify that for us. @alison.81 can you help with these questions?
 
CarbsRok said:
Please, please do remember this lovely Mum of Alison's has dementia so will have a very limited life expectancy so a bit of cake every now and then will do no harm. I know people love to get on their soap boxes regarding diabetics eating cake etc. but getting on your high horse over this is not really helpful.

I do speak from experience regarding dementia as my Father departed this world two years ago after an appalling 3 years with dementia.
Click to expand...

Agreed! as pointed out above, as long as insulin is given to cover the cake why not have that indulgence? Fair enough dont eat a whole cake but I wouldn't deprive her of it.


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Maybe I'm thinking like the OP she has her mum is on good bgs and the cake is messing it all up. Dementia patients like routine so less confusion. Her experiencing high bgs after a cake might not be a nice experience for someone whose confused already. Why make matters worse!
Irratic bgs arent good for anyone. I feel.
 
CarbsRok said:
Please, please do remember this lovely Mum of Alison's has dementia so will have a very limited life expectancy so a bit of cake every now and then will do no harm. I know people love to get on their soap boxes regarding diabetics eating cake etc. but getting on your high horse over this is not really helpful.

I do speak from experience regarding dementia as my Father departed this world two years ago after an appalling 3 years with dementia.
Click to expand...
Sorry, I have to disagree about life expectancy. My father had dementia for over 20 years. The last 9 years of his life he was in a care home. He had T2 since he was 45, diet controlled until he was in his 60s, then Metformin. His care home restricted the sugary foods, not completely deny him, just had a balance, occassional cake or biscuits. He had been diabetic for over 40 years when he died. He had none of the eye or neuropathy problems, that could have been present in uncontrolled diabetes, though he did have vascular dementia. I believe his longevity was due to his diet in the later years(when he was being cared for by others) being monitored.
In @alison.81 's position, I would make sure that her mother's care plan was checked, and included information about her diet, and what visitors are allowed to offer as gifts. It is likely that the staff are calculating her mother's insulin needs on the food the care home provides, not the added extras like a whole cake brought in by visitors. The care plan does need to be reviewed regularly with residents and their relatives. I would make an appointment with the manager, and make this absolutely clear, (but not while I was angry). The aunt could, perhaps be persuded then to take non-food gifts.
 
Thank you all for your replies.

This auntie who I am talking about is one of those people who you can't reason with, if she said the sky is red then she is right!

Last year when mum was first taken into hospital and then the care home, my auntie we found out was giving her artificial sweeteners for her tea but we found out mum was eating them from the container so we had to tell her off about that. She then was taking things we had bought for her and putting her things in there.

We took mum a photo album in and dear auntie took it with her and the next time we saw it she had removed all photographs of me, mum and dad and instead had put her own in.

Getting back to the cake it was a big one and it was iced with chocolate all over, it looked just like double chocolate gateau. She had eaten a few slices by that stage of the day. Dad took it away and mum said oh no I shouldn't be eating that i'm diabetic!

Mum was diagnosed with dementia at the end of 2014. She was living at home until April 2015, then she was sectioned for threatening my dad with a knife and Social Services came and had her sectioned for her own safety and dad's safety. She then went into that care home. Myself and my father are down as her next of kin and also we have POA.

The home is completely useless and I have complained numerous times regarding mum's diabetes. They were giving her jam sandwiches and chocolate buns and cakes etc. I complained to them about it and now they have a nurse who visits every morning and evening before her meals to give her insulin. They also check her blood sugars. I was there the last time the nurse came and when she tested her her sugar level was 26! My mum never had it that high before going in there. The nurse just said oh no it's high but not very high! I disagreed.

As far as her having a short life expectancy, I don't think she does. She walks around that home constantly. We are told she walks miles every day and only sits down to eat or when we visit her.
 
alison.81 said:
Thank you all for your replies.

This auntie who I am talking about is one of those people who you can't reason with, if she said the sky is red then she is right!

Last year when mum was first taken into hospital and then the care home, my auntie we found out was giving her artificial sweeteners for her tea but we found out mum was eating them from the container so we had to tell her off about that. She then was taking things we had bought for her and putting her things in there.

We took mum a photo album in and dear auntie took it with her and the next time we saw it she had removed all photographs of me, mum and dad and instead had put her own in.

Getting back to the cake it was a big one and it was iced with chocolate all over, it looked just like double chocolate gateau. She had eaten a few slices by that stage of the day. Dad took it away and mum said oh no I shouldn't be eating that i'm diabetic!

Mum was diagnosed with dementia at the end of 2014. She was living at home until April 2015, then she was sectioned for threatening my dad with a knife and Social Services came and had her sectioned for her own safety and dad's safety. She then went into that care home. Myself and my father are down as her next of kin and also we have POA.

The home is completely useless and I have complained numerous times regarding mum's diabetes. They were giving her jam sandwiches and chocolate buns and cakes etc. I complained to them about it and now they have a nurse who visits every morning and evening before her meals to give her insulin. They also check her blood sugars. I was there the last time the nurse came and when she tested her her sugar level was 26! My mum never had it that high before going in there. The nurse just said oh no it's high but not very high! I disagreed.

As far as her having a short life expectancy, I don't think she does. She walks around that home constantly. We are told she walks miles every day and only sits down to eat or when we visit her.
Click to expand...
@alison.81 I do understand your dilemma. I had aunties like that, and dealt with care home issues too.

From what you report, this is a safeguarding issue, so I would ensure that Social Services, the care home, your Mum's GP, and you and your father get together and you emphasise that as POA you are representing your Mum. (Hope that POA is for finances and health concerns). An updated care plan should make clear your Mum's diet requirements, then it is up to the care staff to ensure that diet is adhered to, including monitoring what visitors are bringing in to eat. The care plan should be reviewed at least every three months, or sooner if her needs change.
In the care home I have had experience of the manager has regular meetings for relatives of residents. She has made sure all relatives know that they should not hand out sweets and cakes and such to any residents, not just because some have diabetes, but some do have restricted diets and some have difficulty swallowing and could choke . If the care home will not cooperate, then it is an issue for the Care Quality Commission.
It must be so stressful for you, I know. It is awful handing over care of a loved one to orhers, then see that they are not receiving the care they need. I do hope that you can reach the right level of compomise with auntie, and that the care home are willing to work with you to find an acceptable solution that will mean your Mum gets what she needs and deserves.
 
Great advice from @Pipp - get all the authorities you can on board- auntie sounds a nightmare (())
 
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