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Relationships

Firstly, being a committed father doesn't mean you have to stay together I am not with my sons dad but he is commuted, has him every Friday might sees him in the week and speak on phone most days, if I have any issues is there straight away. You have to do what's best. I would personally take things slowly get to know this girl make sure you have plenty of things in common not just diabetes. Are you still with your wife ? My partner was still with his when we met. 3 years later we still together going from strength to strength. You must keep control of your diabetes tho for your kids sake.


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Hi,
Have you spoken to your wife about the state of your relationship? Chances are she is not happy either. If neither of you can imagine coping with say another 20 years together then the relationship will destroy you both emotionally and upset the kids. Children pick up on bad feelings quickly so are often affected more by longterm unrest than by a break up.
I remember once speaking to a girl of about 9 going home from school who looked real sad. I said cheer up it's home time! She said 'yeah, back to the war zone!' that has stuck with me for years to think that she would have rather been at school than at home with parents that didn't get on!
Kids are resilient and more so if everyone can stay civil about a break up.
Only you can decide what to do, but you have a life to live and enjoy, good luck.
Angie
 
Don't stay in a relationship just for kids, my partner did for a long time. His eldest is 10 now and has done her no good, being civil just isn't enough. Think of it this way do you want your children growing up thinking this is a normal adult relationship? For them in 20 years to be in same sort of relationship? If you have the chance to show them a healthy relationship or even 2 single parents that are happy alone grab it with both hands and run, first few months will be hard but does get better.


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Oh poor you, I feel sorry for you and your wife, seems that what with your diabetes, dysfunctional family background, small children to look after, etc its all become overwhelming and you cannot see the wood for the trees anymore except for some easy way out.

But its not so easy after all, is it? You probably have a lot in common with the new female in your life, but you also have a lot in common with your wife, think about it......she is just as unhappy, so have you considered relationship counselling? It can help even if you are planning to separate, you arent forced to stay together.
Dont do anything rash, the grass may look greener on the other side, but is it really? At the moment you are thinking this other female, the fellow diabetic is perfect, but once the first excitement of a new relationship has settled, you might find the usual humdrum of every day life is very similar to what you have now.
People should never go from one relationship straight into the next, you need some space to clear your head, you obviously have doubts, hence your post, I am not saying that you need to try to save your marriage, but if there a chance that somewhere there is still love and affection remaining it is surely worth giving it more time. Maybe you are both stuck in a rut and you need some time out, can someone else babysit the children, can you and your wife take some time out and be a couple as opposed to being Mummy and Daddy for a change, do something different, doesnt have to be anything expensive, go to the cinema together, discover each other again and talk to each other about your thoughts.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you well, make sure you achieve good control of your diabetes, you need to stay healthy.
 
I'm with whitby jet on this one.
You do not seem to understand the meaning of a relationship and I would think this is because of your earlier years. Relationships are hard work and need working on whether it is a few years or a lot of years.

Don't throw in the towel because you are not happy but think about what a new relationship might mean. Within a few years and two more children and possibly two failed relationships you will be surely looking for a third. You have to get some help for understanding a relationship. The fact that this person is a diabetic means very little, you still need to understand commitment.

Try and look at it from your wife's point of view, she is struggling with two young children on a daily basis and a man without commitment. If she is aware that there is another woman in your life, she must be breaking her heart. She also had high hopes for a marriage that works. Bringing another child into this mess was a mistake that you both made but I think there had to be something there in the beginning and you need to get some counselling for you both.. It may be that you will still break up but at least you will understand why and what you need to do next time.
 
My parents are in the process of divorce after years of mental abuse VERY physical violence between them. It should have happened earlier really. I've seen my mother strangled, put through a window, pushed down the stairs, throw over a table and the fights being taken onto the street when my dad tried to take my little brother away etc

But if you are just 'distant' I would keep going at it.Dont force it as such, but try and remind yourselves of why you fell in love in the first place. Get a babysitter or leave the kids with in laws and take a second honeymoon. Chances are you just forgot how to be a couple not just mom and dad.

I agree with the advice posted above too.

Honestly you're going to be dissatisfied all your life jumping from woman to woman. There will always be someone you hit it off with.

You may end up like the guys in Hall Pass and realise after straying your wife is the woman you should be with. If you're into alternative lifestyles she might even tolerate you having a mistress. They might even like eachother and your wife only has to stay focused on the role of mother and you stay in the same household. Could be confusing for the kids but those I polygamous households seem to come out alright. Not talking cult leaders with 10 wives though.

Oddly enough since finally deciding on divorce my parents haven't fought and still live in the same house, only my mother has a boyfriend.


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As a person married over 40 years, I can say that set-backs CAN be survived. My husband is a T1 and we've weathered quite a few situations in those long years. We never split up over them and brought up our 1 daughter to adulthood with no visible scars.She's now married with children of her own.
The most important things in relationships are the children. They are the innocents and have no power to change things.
Hana
 
Hehe, highly unlikely indeed. Not everyone can handle an alternative relationship dynamic like that.

I wish you and your family the best of luck. Clearly you have everyone's best interests at heart and how much you care will ultimately bear on the efficacy of how you act from now x Same actions, different attitude/intentions= different result you know?

Hopefully if you do separate from your wife it will be amicable and all parties will be unscathed. (20 year old giving relationship advice XD)

Upbringing does have a huge effect on How we form our own interpersonal relationships and insecurity is the number one thing that gets people into a) unhealthy long term relationships b) confused promiscuity in short term relationships

My parents were both messed up kids and my mother's father walked out on her. He in turn was secretly a very insecure man.

Your wife likely felt that the safe and sensible thing would be to settle down with you and kids would cement your bond. She probably felt she /couldn't/ find anyone else who would love her when she met you and with growing confidence in a stable relationship she is realising your incompatibility more and the possibility of being loved by another who is better suited

You are also learning that there are other people out there. Best not to rush into anything for either of you so you dont fall into the same patterns

Insecurity, bad relationship with one's own parents and dysfunctional relationships go hand in hand and it's good you don't want your kids to be caught up in mess like that.

Hugs for all of you x


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Re littlewolf, that's a wonderful idea but its highly unlikely, unfortunately!

Hell yeah it is, could you have a chat to my wife please littlewolf?
 
Have you got somewhere you can move to for a break? If you live on neutral territory for a while so you can clear you head then maybe it will all become clearer.
Firstly it will give your wife a chance to start being more independent and possibly build up her confidence so she can move on and be happy.
Secondly it will give you a chance to think about how you want your life to pan out, can you be happy living without your wife and becoming a part-time Dad?
Thirdly it will give you the chance to see if the new relationship could work. If you go straight to your new friend you may be just seeing the green grass over the fence with rose-tinted specs. Living alone will give you the opportunity to date her and really get to know her with no pressure and maybe a long term relationship could develop.

If you carry on as you are you will only make things worse. You and your wife will become more and more unhappy, which eventually will affect the kids. If your new friend sees you still hanging on there at home with no signs of leaving she may think she is regarded as just a mistress and get fed up of waiting....this could make you resent your relationship with your wife even more as you will see her as the reason you missed out on a new life.

If you can have some time out from it all living somewhere else it may just help to get things in perspective for you.
Good luck.
Angie
 
My advice would be to take a step back and continue as you are in separate rooms for the moment. This feeling of lack of communication, deadness, boredom often happens in a marriage but it DOES NOT signal the end of your love for each other. It signals tiredness, too much to do, too many problems to handle all at once and it's NORMAL.

In my opinion all married couples should sleep separately. It's downright unhealthy for two people to spend their sleeping lives in a bed together. Separate beds can, after you've got used to them, actually spice up a marriage. Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

There's also the possibility that you're subconsciously 'acting out' your own parents divorce and subconsciously putting your children in the same position YOU were in when your parents split.

Please believe me on this, I've been through it and I recognised the patterns in my own behaviour and my husbands only AFTER we were divorced. We BOTH played out our own unhappy childhoods within our own marriage. I know how awful it is when you just don't want to be near someone but please don't make any hasty decisions yet. Give yourselves space and time to adjust to what might just be a very natural and different phase to your marriage. :thumbup:
 
Been in a similar situation mate diagnosed at 10, 32 now.. I was in an off relationship staying for the sake of my daughter wanted things to change, loved tucking her in bed at night, kept going back to my mums etc for time out then kept going back. For me I wasn't married but was with here for bout 7 years tried everything but its hard to tell the difference if there depressed inside or just don't give a **** about you. I was praying for an excuse to leave something to tip the barrel. Something like cheating that I couldn't forgive.. well after the arguing constantly.. I was out one night and had a gut feeling so came home early to find her with another man, my sisters husband how crazy I can laugh now but kicked off got arrested and afraid to say daughter seen it. Something off the Jeremy kyle show lol. Not saying things will get that bad but the situation your in will physically and emotionally kill ya off. You seem to have the kids interest at heart but ya cant wait for you missus to snap out of whatever shes in if she loved you shed make more effort and meet you half way, don't bother going back to your mums, tell her you cannot do it any more and mean it, get couple lads whatever get away for a few days have abit of a laugh drink whatever. come back if shes still mopsing about the house and shes not making the effort too get your stuff and do one, don't feel guilty dont wait for a excuse to push it over the edge.you've had a good blast at it and yea jump into another realationship if your happy. I idid. to be honest my previous relationship was over along time before I left we both knew it I didn't show her any attention and vice versa it happens. Now I am married expecting a child in October. My ex lives across the road with married to my old brother in law ive even had a cuppa with them no feelings there at all, and it benefits the kids massive to see both parents being civil so that's the main thing.....now don't get me wrong been with my current partner around 7 years been married nearly 1, she drives me to get perscriptions hospital runs check ups makes sure ive got orange juice and chocolate in where my ex didn't really give a ****, but still goes abit stale sometimes or boring but the main difference we both love each other and compromise..i do my things she does hers and we do stuff together and as a family, if things get abit in a rut il go to familys for a few days or she will stay at her parents caravan at Skegness a few days apart kiss have best legover possible and things are back on track again lol sorry for long story :thumbup:
 
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