I’ve struggled with my MH for a long time, it’s almost 12 months since I was last in hospital, and I vowed when I got out, I would never seek help again in a MH crisis as the MH team just made me worse.
For years I questioned my diagnosis as being wrong as it didn’t fit me, personality disorder was the label of choice, but of course I was just the service user, they were the professionals, they knew best! They were wrong, eventually the personality disorder label was removed and replaced with depression, with a doctor citing more than likely that I never had a personality disorder as I didn’t reach the criteria. I felt relief.
Then 18-months ago I was diagnosed with autism. I knew very little of it, but I do realise how much it does fit me, for my entire life. I’ve also learnt a lot of women are misdiagnosed with personality disorders when in fact they are autistic. I’ve gone through the angry, why was this missed for so long phase and I am still learning so much about myself and autism, it’s a giant learning curve getting a diagnosis when your 44! I still feel some anger over the misdiagnosis and constantly ask why did no one listen or see what was really wrong, especially those MH professionals who knew me and who worked with me for many years! However, I can’t rewind the clock or rewrite history, I can only look forward!
I’m quite an isolated person, what close true friends I have are not local, so I feel very alone at times. I’m a carer to my dad and before that I was a carer for my mum from the age of 14, she died many years ago now. All I’ve really known is to care for others, yet I struggle to look after my own needs!
As well as struggling with my MH, autism and diabetes, I have osteoarthritis, and I’m about to be diagnosed with fibromyalgia in the coming week! A diagnosis I will only accept when I’ve had a further MRI scan on my spine, five years after the first. I won’t accept yet another label without a through investigation.
Sometimes my head feels like it’s about to explode. I cope by comfort / binging eating. Obviously not ideal when you have diabetes. This is a cycle I’m struggle to cope with, but there is little help out there on the NHS.
That brings me to now…
I’ve just made a family discovery which has thrown me emotionally, I’ve spent my life thinking I was an only child and I’ve found out completely by accident that I have a half-brother whose 10 years older than me. This was not a secret or something people hid from me, it was a surprise for all involved. I want to contact him, to reach out. To think I could have a family who want to know me is amazing, but equally I’m terrified of being rejected, especially since this is not my fault, I’m the innocent person born long after him. Since finding out all I’ve done is comfort eat my emotions!
For years I questioned my diagnosis as being wrong as it didn’t fit me, personality disorder was the label of choice, but of course I was just the service user, they were the professionals, they knew best! They were wrong, eventually the personality disorder label was removed and replaced with depression, with a doctor citing more than likely that I never had a personality disorder as I didn’t reach the criteria. I felt relief.
Then 18-months ago I was diagnosed with autism. I knew very little of it, but I do realise how much it does fit me, for my entire life. I’ve also learnt a lot of women are misdiagnosed with personality disorders when in fact they are autistic. I’ve gone through the angry, why was this missed for so long phase and I am still learning so much about myself and autism, it’s a giant learning curve getting a diagnosis when your 44! I still feel some anger over the misdiagnosis and constantly ask why did no one listen or see what was really wrong, especially those MH professionals who knew me and who worked with me for many years! However, I can’t rewind the clock or rewrite history, I can only look forward!
I’m quite an isolated person, what close true friends I have are not local, so I feel very alone at times. I’m a carer to my dad and before that I was a carer for my mum from the age of 14, she died many years ago now. All I’ve really known is to care for others, yet I struggle to look after my own needs!
As well as struggling with my MH, autism and diabetes, I have osteoarthritis, and I’m about to be diagnosed with fibromyalgia in the coming week! A diagnosis I will only accept when I’ve had a further MRI scan on my spine, five years after the first. I won’t accept yet another label without a through investigation.
Sometimes my head feels like it’s about to explode. I cope by comfort / binging eating. Obviously not ideal when you have diabetes. This is a cycle I’m struggle to cope with, but there is little help out there on the NHS.
That brings me to now…
I’ve just made a family discovery which has thrown me emotionally, I’ve spent my life thinking I was an only child and I’ve found out completely by accident that I have a half-brother whose 10 years older than me. This was not a secret or something people hid from me, it was a surprise for all involved. I want to contact him, to reach out. To think I could have a family who want to know me is amazing, but equally I’m terrified of being rejected, especially since this is not my fault, I’m the innocent person born long after him. Since finding out all I’ve done is comfort eat my emotions!
