@Susie B - I think you are going through the same grief and frustration many of us experience when diagnosed. Like so many things it will pass as you come to terms with the implications and the changes you could make in order to minimalist the impact on your day to day life.
Many of us on here profess to be foodies, and almost without exception there is a period of "what does that leave me then?", when considering diet. But, trust me on this one, it isn't all gloom and doom. Once your head has settled a bit and you have experimented somewhat, you will find there's plenty of enjoyable food out there - some completely new to you, and some just handled differently. There are some incredibly inventive individuals on here who have found ways of creating some of our favourites, but in a more diabetic friendly way. It is important to accept that some of these things will be a bit different, but that doesn't necessarily mean less enjoyable.
You are correct about carbohydrates being pivotal to managing your condition. Initially, almost everyone thinks it's only sugar we have to be mindful of. If only! It's the carbohydrate value of foods, with sugar being a subset of that.
There are many approaches to diet. I chose to reduce the amount of carbohydrate I eat. I haven't gone the whole Low Carb Healthy Fat (LCHF) hog, as, frankly, it didn't suit me, and my OH, who has been determined we both continue to eat the same meals. I have to agree that separate meals would be divisive for us, as we so enjoy our food, and always at at the table. We spend our mealtimes enjoying our food, and talking, so meal times are an important part of our relationship.
Others have used a GI/GL style of eating, where by any carbs eaten are in the slower acting, "healthier" classifications - like whole meal bread, pasta, and so on. Some have gone calorie counting, and some the Newcastle Diet. If you enter any of these terms in the search box on the screen, you'll have lots of reading.
But, if you don't have one, I would suggest you acquire a blood testing meter, to do finger prick tests. These help by giving immediate feedback on what we have eaten, and how our bodies are dealing with it. As no two diabetics are the same, we each have differing reactions to our food.
There are lots of people here who can offer you so much valuable information, so LDL as we all did, and ask away. The chances are, someone will have an answer to your question.
But, finally, you state your diabetes is "the sort that is your own fault". You have to ditch those thoughts. They're worthless. That we have lived imperfect lives is just what life is all about, isn't it? If predicting diabetes was as simple as reaching a certain weight, or eating x foods more than y times a month, it would be so much simpler, but it isn't. Instead of blaming yourself, you could be better served by looking forwards, rather than backwards. If you can get your OH onside with you and supporting you through this thing, it will be very beneficial.
Good luck.