Hey everyone,
thanks so much for replying to me, it does make me feel better that you have all felt this way too, makes me feel less silly! All your positivity has really helped too, I mean if you have all felt this way and can now give me kind words and ways to help get though it then that in itself means I can get though it too
I really liked all your suggestions, I'm not really much of a cook but I do have things to bake cakes in (shut in a cupboard haha) so maybe one day this week my bf and I can dust them off and try some of those recipes
I used to smoke and drink (socially ofc lol), as well as eat badly! But I found that as i got out of my early 20's I gradually just stopped drinking of my own accord and I gave up smoking just before xmas of my own accord because i was sick of it, so I don't miss those things, the thing i'm really hankering after right now is a cream cake for some bizarre reason, i've not had one for months and now that I can't have one, i really want one!! lol I want one of those doughnut ones with the cream and jam down the middle, I can't get it out of my head! I also think, if i gave in and had this cake i want so much, what would the next craving be? So there is no point giving in because something else will just replace it. Still, bf did get me some dark chocolate to have earlier, just a little bit and it was lovely.
Did anyone else feel a pressure to look like everything was fine to family and friends? I know that if for example my mum knew that i was feeling a bit sad she would start some over the top worrying and really i'm just wallowing a bit, i think as Dee said i'm grieving for my old life, because all the food that i love is on my bad list lol Probly how i ended up this way in the first place! I love carbs, I love sugar, I love junk food lol It really is a whole life change foodwise for me and its what I need but not really in my heart what I want, but then when i think about it, what i want even less is to be ill or lose my sight or my feet etc etc just because I didn't take care of my diet.
I'm rambling lol
You have all really made me feel better i promise, I'll get out of this funk and enjoy being special :wink:
Becca
xxx