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Stress from household members and diabetes - please help.

C

Catsymoo

Well-Known Member
Messages
301
Location
Portsmouth, United Kingdom
Type of diabetes
Type 1
Treatment type
Insulin
Dislikes
Having diabetes
Hello again all. I know I've been a pain in the butt asking questions on here before and not really being able to answer too many myself since I'm new to all this, but I'm in somewhat of a tricky situation and I'm not sure how to approach the problem without making it worse.

As I've mentioned in the past, I am 22 and a type 1, I moved to Holland to be with my boyfriend. (technically a tourist here) At the moment I'm surviving off a biiig supply of insulin (Humulin M3 twice a day) and Metformin I managed to get from my doctor. Everything is fine except 2 things.

Firstly, my blood sugar seems to be stupid high a week before my period. It was 12 last night and that was AFTER taking my insulin and not eating anything except half a carrot to go with my Metformin. I wasn't hungry anyway and didn't want it to go even higher. I increased my dose today by one unit and now it's a bit low. Any tips for time of the month from experienced type 1 ladies? I don't really want to up my dose, as I have a limited supply and will have to pay quite a lot for more.

Secondly, the main problem I am concerned about is stress. I will be straight with all of you, my boyfriend is a disgusting, arrogant slob. He has been a bit more lenient since my diagnosis, but I don't think he understands/cares what constantly picking fights and making me do all the housework does to my blood sugar levels. Even raising voices and getting frustrated sends my blood sugar through the roof and I start to feel very unwell. He assumes I am faking it to "win the fight". I am not sure how to talk to him about it or make him comprehend how serious it is. He spends 99% of the time on the computer playing games, which I am okay with since I like to do my own thing as well. The thing that annoys me is the mess he makes and his outright refusal to help me for two seconds. I was away from here for 3 months, and when I came back, he did not clean the cat litter tray even ONCE. I spent my first 3 days back home cleaning the entire house, which I won't lie, was like something off of "How Clean is your House?" This is how bad he is. The worst thing is the constant disagreeing for the sake of it, and picking fights non-stop. He refuses to take responsibility for anything he does wrong, and I get the blame, then get upset, which in turn makes my diabetes even harder to manage than it already is.

Have any of you other diabetics had a similar problem of people close to you stressing you out and making your condition even more difficult? My doctor told me that I am literally not allowed to get stressed out under any circumstances. The first few weeks I kept a cool head, but with the PMS/PMT (sorry) going on right now, he is absolutely toxic to be around and I'm starting to crack. I've already lost my temper twice and it has made my blood sugar jump from 7 to 15. I have tried to explain how important it is that we support and take care of each other, and that safety and wellbeing comes before any disagreement, but he still persists. And I'm at my wit's end.
 
Re: Stress from household members and diabetes - please help

Hi Catsymoo,

I'm sorry I can't advise on insulin, but I have seen that my blood sugars go higher at the time of the month. Others may chip in with more detail.

From reading your post above I can't help but think to myself, why are you with this man? He sounds like an uncaring slob and from your description he does not seem to have any redeeming features. You don't have to stay in such a destructive relationship, you know, there are other options! I guess you have given up a lot to be with him, but this relationship is really bad for your health, and the diabetes is with you for life.

Surely if a fight sends your blood sugars through the roof, you can show him your meter and he can see the affect he is having on you. I'm not sure what your financial situation is but how about paying for a cleaner once a fortnight?

Good luck - I hope you have good friends around you. Jane
 
Re: Stress from household members and diabetes - please help

Hello again. Thank you for the reply. Sadly I'm alone in this country with no friends really, but that doesn't bother me. I do question why I stay but when I am away, I miss him and our cats very badly, they're my family now as silly as it sounds. I am a very, very tolerant person, but there is still a limit... which is when it becomes a potential health issue. We couldn't afford a cleaner, no.

I did show him on the metre the other day, but he is a very stubborn person who is in denial about a lot of things. Even with hard evidence he is the type to not believe the proof. If something "shouldn't" do that to my blood sugar, in his eyes, it doesn't and I am lying. He is an egomaniac and never caves or admits wrong, which is the most frustratingly annoying blood boiling type of person to deal with. (we all know one lol).

Regardless, generally he has been very patient with me through this whole ordeal, I just don't think he realizes that it's a lifelong new best friend that has moved into my body, and it isn't going to go away.

I also find it irritating when people around you who know NOTHING about diabetes try and lecture you and tell you what you can and can't have. Only people like us who actually have it learn that it's an individual condition and it's down to you to eat, test, and find out! For example, chocolate actually makes my blood sugar go down for some reason. I try to avoid it though, the less you have the less you crave. :)
 
Re: Stress from household members and diabetes - please help

Well we we be your friends then!! Sounds like you feel he is worth the stress so you will have to work out how to cope. You have to think about why you are letting him get to you. He sounds like he behaves like a child so you should treat him like a child, if he doesn't clean he doesn't get dinner made for him, or if he does clean he gets an extra special treat such as his favorite dinner. Also you have to stop letting things wind you up .... find a way of letting go of anger and frustration. Maybe going for a power walk will help to relieve tension.

Anyway got to run, but be back later, take care, Jane
 
Re: Stress from household members and diabetes - please help

Secondly, the main problem I am concerned about is stress. I will be straight with all of you, my boyfriend is a disgusting, arrogant slob.

Simple solution!!!

Wave goodbye to him!

:wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave: :wave:
 
Re: Stress from household members and diabetes - please help

HI :wave:

You really have to put yourself first. As you said, this diabetes is for life, so you have to work out the best way to look after yourself. If he can't accept that your health is at risk every time that you have an argument and your levels go up, then you have to decide on what is important. It comes down to either your health or him.

You have lots of friends and support on the forum, so don't think that you are alone. If he won't look after your cats when you are away then you need to decide on returning to the UK with them or re-home them and return yourself. Once you start to think of a partner as disgusting and an arrogant slob, then you can't really think of them as your future. It's not easy to split with a partner that you first imagined to be lifelong, but it can be done and life does get better.

Ann
 
Re: Stress from household members and diabetes - please help

Cannot help with the Type1 side of things.

You obviously have low self esteem and your boy friend is very much in charge of a partnership that should be on an equal footing. He has got it made, he does what he likes and has added benefits in the bedroom. Why are you so dependant on him and can you see this life in 10 years time with maybe the addition of a couple of children?

You owe it to yourself and your future to either, walk away or talk to him about why you need to be equal as opposed to subservient.
When we suffer from low self esteem we are grateful for any attention even if it is not in our best interests. You cannot imagine life without him at the moment but you need to ask yourself what you are getting out of this relationship. Is this what you would want for a possible daughter in the future, how would you counsel a friend if she told you about this situation if it was her life?

You are young and cannot see too far ahead but older people will tell you that there is no future in this relationship unless things change drastically. Young love should not be like this, it is a destructive relationship. You have both created a co-dependant type of relationship and it needs addressing before this becomes your way of life.

Have a read through this link and see if you can identify any statements that portray you or your boyfriend.
http://www.drirene.com/codepend1.htm

Hope things improve and you find a solution to make your life happier.

Take care.

CC.
 
Re: Stress from household members and diabetes - please help

Hi again. Thank you all for taking time to post. :) It's nice having some people to talk to who understand my condition. I took a look at your link, CC, and no I don't really identify with any of that. I don't clean after him out of guilt, I just cannot stand filth and get tired of asking him to clean it with no result. If the house is a mess, I'm in a bad mood. I should take pictures of his gross desk and post them haha!

I do have low self esteem, but not the kind where I'll "settle" for anything. I mean, we had our problems before I was diagnosed in June. We had a roommate who I couldn't stand, who was also my boyfriend's best friend. Boyfriend would never defend me and they always stood around talking in another language even though they both speak perfect English so I practically locked myself in the bedroom whenever roommate was home. Things got better when he moved out.

It was my choice to come back here. When I go home to the UK, I miss things, but then I remember why I left, etc. Oh, my boyfriend is also handicapped (not inhibiting) and doesn't work, even though he pays the bills - so I don't mind doing most the housework. I just get really ticked off when I'm slaving away for hours on end and he just sits there and does nothing. He won't even take his dishes to the kitchen, so the old food hardens and becomes unnecessary effort to clean. Even if he just offered to help, or asked if I was okay it at least shows care and some appreciation. I can't go on strike, because he is content living like a pig. The one thing I don't actually do is cook, we both see to ourselves when it comes to food. He has a wholegrain/fibre allergy and I can't eat the stuff he eats so we just do that separately. My dinner usually consists of chucking loads of veg in a blender and heating it up, whereas he'll scoff white bread and pizza.

I don't see myself having any children in the future, although I know outlook in that department can drastically change as you get older. Neither of us are really hardwired for having kids. Our two cats are naughty enough as it is. One person literally has to stay home and watch them because they're crazy. As for what I get out of the relationship, I get someone who understands me 100% and vice versa. I'm a bit odd, if I'll be honest. I don't really like going out and enjoy being in a comfy bubble with a cup of tea and soap operas. :)
 
Re: Stress from household members and diabetes - please help

Ooooooh yesssss! I can so identify with the household stress sending levels soaring. I can also identify with the constant cleaning up of someone elses mess type stress. I worked full time in a very stressful job and my ex husband (note the ex part), used to work 3 x 12 hours shifts a week so he often had 4 days off in a row (great for him). But on his days off, he used every cup, plate, spoon, dish, pan in the kitchen and left it all mounted up for me to clean up when I got home from work. He believed washing dishes was 'womens work'. If I complained it led to an argument and out and out warfare so I stopped complaining and became a drudge. Then I got divorced and he now lives in his own pig sty.

There is nothing I can compare to the stress I went through at home over something as simple as keeping the house clean and tidy and getting the other person to clear up their own mess. I decided I wasn't my husband's mother, I was his wife and if he didn't treat me as such, he could go to hell.

Like yourself I can bear a bit of untidiness but I can't stand filth and even more I can't stand the type of person who will happily ignore the filthy while they watch ME cleaning it up after them. To hell with that!

In the early days I was besottedly in love and you do tend to forgive a lot when you're at that stage, but I don't love filth and I don't love having my good nature being taken advantage of by a slob. And love can quickly disappear when you realise the other person is in love with you for all the wrong reasons. When we got divorced I gave him a few leaflets for house cleaning services and told him if he didn't think the 'little things' are important in a marriage, he had better think again. Same goes for my sons.
 
Re: Stress from household members and diabetes - please help

If your home environment is stressful then where exactly are you going to be relaxed?

Ditch the boyfriend and take the cats. If he "understands you 100%" he must be pushing those buttons and stressing you out on purpose then? So, he's either malicious or he doesn't understand you 100% or at all.

Changes are often scary, but when they remove you from a bad reality they will rarely be the wrong decision.

Best

Dillinger
 
Re: Stress from household members and diabetes - please help

Hi again Catsymoo!

Well, I was going to say that I'm glad you eventually made it back to your house and boyfriend, but really, that's no life for you :( I agree completely with Dillinger. Pick up the cats, get whatever jabs they need to come to the UK and come home! Think about it, do you really miss your boyfriend or do you really miss the cats? I know which I would bet on! Back in the UK, you'll be entitled to your insulin, needles etc and will be able to use the doses you need to manage your diabetes instead of trying to eek out your insulin.

On your PMS question - yep, my BG goes through the roof before my period and I have to use more insulin.

Take care

Smidge
 
Re: Stress from household members and diabetes - please help

I would not be hanging around to be honest! You deserve better and your health is your priority. You cannot skimp on insulin because you are not properly registered abroad. Do you want the complications all for the sake of staying with this thoughtless and arrogant person? Uh uh, no way, get your cats and come back to England or else move elsewhere, get work and register for the correct medical treatment.

Ali
 
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