Terminal and Scared

Mud Island Dweller said:

So not sure if l should answer if you want one but here is some of my thoughts which may be of help.

Was there anything you could have done?…. it matters not now, it wont lessen his anger at his impotence to help you more and it wont lessen your anguish. Looking back with all the ”what ifs” is a waste of your precious time.

You are doing your bit to change your past for others but for you and your family it wont affect them. So look forward with them and help them build more good memories with you.

Do some thing to set that memory and you will have a happy memory that is recent instead of distant pain and anger of the past, hold onto that to help you all.

You can discuss your bucket list with Dayne and Wendi they may want to do some of them for you with you walking by their side like Brian does with me. I drive him nuts still though can assure you that part didn’t change.


The Medical research is a sod to get on, l looked into it for an elderly friend, l hate to say it but l doubt they or the uk body farm would accept you they have a really strict criteria.
Even if accepted they warned me it could be years before they use your body, could your family bear that thought. They may well feel that you had no peace at the end and now no peace as you are still in a fridge. A memorial service isn’t the same.

I have my service sorted, songs, flag….has to be the Rhodesian flag over the coffin, and a couple of little Rhodesian flag pendants… hey l get a last chance to be really tacky l am taking it.
My thoughts are that a funeral and burial/cremation will give a better strength to your family, a place to go.

I am heading for the cooker, Brian was cooked Andy wants burial, awkward sod!

Oh don’t worry you not on a pedestal we kicked that away in the economic cutbacks we allow you to sit in a chair.

Hero well l guess that is in the eyes of those who feel that way. No one who is one feels that way so lap it up, failing that accept that you have changed peoples lives. So you haven’t failed at your task.
You wont be alone, you know my hackeyed (to some) beliefs, even if Wedi and Wayne or your mum were not with you, you still have your Guardians to guide you.

You are dying now you will break Wendi heart if she is with you or not but not more than it is now. She will find her own things to comfort her the biggest is how special you are.... if you weren't she wouldn't still be with you on your trip.
Your Mum and Wendi and Danyne are lucky and unlucky. Lucky because most family get a call and have to deal with it. Unlucky because they have seen what you are going through. Will they ever come to terms l don’t know only time will tell . But l think they will find their own comforts as most of us do, your legacy to them is love and that is a strong healer.

With my mum l still cry but am relieved she is out of her own hell of depression that she had. She had a mental breakdown that sunk her into hell the 3 years since dad passed. That she is out of pain and l know fit and well gives me comfort. She loved tennis and can now get into all tournaments for free.
The same as dad, he had chronic health problems, now he is striding across the landscape he loved walking, past animals with him and Brian is as well.
Brian, well his death was an accident but l know he is with me when needed or what ever family member needs him… when he isn’t he is off skydiving still and god could he talk so will be off with friends that have passed… talking.

We all are too young. Not many people are although some are ready and want to die at any age.
Brian’s daughter’s husband was 32 when he passed last year of testicular cancer. The dr wouldn’t listen just kept fobbing him off. By the time they actually looked he was terminal.

Have your goodbyes now then doesn’t mean you have to die now your body will do that when it is ready. Better to use all the words now that you may not have at the time…possibly due to pain.
I still regret that l didn't know when Brian would pass so much unsaid. l know he is with me but l wanted to tell him to his face.

Hey and when l cross l expect you to come over and say hi, and even pop over and meet Brian, l asked him to keep an eye on you. Before l pass and once you settle in l expect an occasional hello from you.

MID

(Have probably just got a reputation after that answer as not being kind and sympathetic and a weirdo for my beliefs just so long as you are ok with it)

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kman said:

I Guess many of you guys will think me weak, silly and pathetic, but honestly, other than that, I hope I'm a nice guy,

I'm 52, just !

I'm very very happily married, we have a 23 year old butter of a son, he's the apple of our eye,

My darling wife is the sweetest, kindest, most understanding person EVER to have walked this earth, and to me the MOST Beautiful too,

OK, you get the picture, All is perfect.

OK except I'm in a wheelchair now, I have to take phone number quantities of drugs each day, just to take the edge from the PAIN I am and never will be free of,

Why ? Well the truth is that almost 19 years of excuses, no real effort, and leaving things too late, I am amongst many other things a Type 2 Diabetic, with almost an entire collection of complications of the Diabetes,

I sit here in the dark, at 6.49 am in terrible pain having had less than an hour's sleep, and I'm balling my eyes out, crying like a new born baby because I'm SCARED,

I'm dying, amongst many things it's due to Diabetic Autonomic Neuropathy, I also have End Organ Damage, and a multitude of other problems,

It's too late for me, I can't be saved,

So WHY am I here now ?

Really because I needed to scream, and I guess to warn you all, PLEASE look after yourselves, DON'T let you'd Diabetes get out of control, be GOOD, be SAFE,

DON'T be ME !!!

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kman said:

I Guess many of you guys will think me weak, silly and pathetic, but honestly, other than that, I hope I'm a nice guy,

I'm 52, just !

I'm very very happily married, we have a 23 year old butter of a son, he's the apple of our eye,

My darling wife is the sweetest, kindest, most understanding person EVER to have walked this earth, and to me the MOST Beautiful too,

OK, you get the picture, All is perfect.

OK except I'm in a wheelchair now, I have to take phone number quantities of drugs each day, just to take the edge from the PAIN I am and never will be free of,

Why ? Well the truth is that almost 19 years of excuses, no real effort, and leaving things too late, I am amongst many other things a Type 2 Diabetic, with almost an entire collection of complications of the Diabetes,

I sit here in the dark, at 6.49 am in terrible pain having had less than an hour's sleep, and I'm balling my eyes out, crying like a new born baby because I'm SCARED,

I'm dying, amongst many things it's due to Diabetic Autonomic Neuropathy, I also have End Organ Damage, and a multitude of other problems,

It's too late for me, I can't be saved,

So WHY am I here now ?

Really because I needed to scream, and I guess to warn you all, PLEASE look after yourselves, DON'T let you'd Diabetes get out of control, be GOOD, be SAFE,

DON'T be ME !!!

Click to expand...