I too have BPD so I can totally understand how hard it is to manage your diabetes. I have had type 1 for 16 years, when I was diagnosed at the age of 28, I was classed as a type 1 diabetic and went straight onto insulin. I know how frightening it is , hard work and the feeling that gaining control is so totally unachievable. I don't have good control, I have different spells of what I eat and how much I test. Mainly guesstimating how many units of insulin that I should take. Earlier this year I was given a Accu check aviva expert meter. It was a life saver at first and my control was getting a lot better by using the meter and carb counting. Yes I had days when things were all too much for me, my god I didn't have the mental strength to look after my own other personal care things and I felt low, very low. Or so high and buzzing that your head just can't stop racing and be far too excited. And that overwhelming feeling that you are not important enough to care about yourself. So with all of these feelings, how the heck am I supposed to give a **** about my bl**dy diabetes.
My Hbc??? thing was at 120 until I returned to novo rapid/lantus, that was about two years ago, it did improve to 85, but still was too high. Then after 3 months or so of having the new meter my hbc???? went down to 65 of which I couldn't believe, also the consultant at the hospital was very pleased too. I was really motivated to just try a bit more on the days where by I couldn't.
I tried my best and made a lot of effort , but all the working out of testing started to get to me much more. It became very stressful, pazzaling that my mind would just shut down, brain freeze, and gave me such headaches, to the extent that I gave up again.
Also just after my result of 65 I had to go to my GP for shoulder and arm pain, he had a go me really bad about why my hbc?? was not lower. I just snapped at him, I told him that it was due to my anxiety and depression, he just laughed at me and so I snapped at him 'Well you get into my head and see what it's like'. He didn't answer, I do sometimes think that I would like to see Dr's and nurses test their blood glucose levels and carb count for a week with a mental illness or not and the see hard to manage your diabetes.
I do have bipolar F2, more depressive type of bipolar, social anxiety, GAD, depression, hypothyroid and low iron. I am on a few different medications for these, which have been overall helpful. To me my mood is much more consuming to me that my diabetes. At the moment I check every morning and carb count and at other times I only check if my blood sugars feel high or low. Sometimes when I wake from a afternoon sleep and have symptoms of high blood sugars, I guesstimate and inject so many units of novorapid. Sometimes I will then check to see how high they are and 9/10 they are high, BUT there is times when they are perfectly normal and I've just injected when I didn't need to and panic sets in.
I know I can't be in your head and have all of the feelings that you are having at the time, but I can only relate to your experiences. I have gain so much weight since starting my medication of: Quetiapine, sertraline and pregabalin. Even before starting these medications I have always been so worried about my weight and wish that I was slimmer. But It came to the point of being so fed up with running constant high sugars when I was skipping injections that I did make a real effort with making sure that I did at least injected with every meal/snack. All I can say to you is try when you can with your diabetes management and don't beat yourself up when you can't. Personally even if you try a little bit each day, not to think that you have to achieve everything all in one day, and then hopefully you should just find it to be an automatic thing to inject with every meal. Please go to your Gp's and tell them how things are at the moment, and if you feel like you should see a psychiatrist or nurse and then push, push, push for it until they do refer you.
All I can say is that you are not alone, I do feel your pain and I'm sorry for rambling on about myself and not answering your question directly. Please try and get some help or just make baby steps in gaining some control over your diabetes, good luck x Ps I find this amazing so post on here when you feel up to it for any kind of support, even if no one can relate to what you are feeling, the people on here care and make a brilliant sound board. xx