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Message: <blockquote data-quote="chamcham" data-source="post: 2636990" data-attributes="member: 579408">Hi Rach, I know this is a mega old post, and you likely won't even see this. But on the off chance it finds you, yes, I know exactly how you feel. I've had it 30 years, I'm 38 now. When I got it, I took to it like a duck to water. Adapted easily. By time I was in my teens, I struggled. Always high, the specialists seemed to think I was eating straight sugar cubes. My kidneys are fkd, my nerves are fkd, I have several trigger fingers, tendonitis, tight shoulders and legs because of the affect it has on soft tissue and my eyes have cost me my job, I'm STILL on redeployment, a stress which has made me super suicidal as I'm self reliant and enjoyed my job, and I've spent 2.5 years getting near monthly lasering, injections & had 2 vitrectomys. I cannot lose weight, my levels only stay stable if I don't eat, I basically eat lettuce, eggs, tofu, and mushrooms until they're coming out my ears, and I still look as though I eat pizza and pies 3 times a day. Today I only ate at tea time - scrambled egg, mushrooms, 1/3 tin of baked beans and a handful of honey roasted nuts, did 15 units for just that, went sky high, came down a bit after MORE insulin, the. Started rising again. I hate my body, detested diabetes and now I also resent both as they've cost me my job and security and never ending eye treatment. I can't put into words how much I utterly hate this surge and often think of death and how freeing it would be. I feel like a soul in a meat cage. An ugly, useless, painful, miserable, pointless cage. I outdid you on the rant, but I get the impression you, at least when you wrote this, felt such despair as I do. Xx</blockquote>

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