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<blockquote data-quote="iph888" data-source="post: 75866" data-attributes="member: 15126"><p>Hi again,</p><p></p><p>Thanks again to everyone for all the kind messages I have been reading them but some of the stories are so close to home (sandymaynard, aadrgon, eliminator, et al) it makes it difficult for me to think about it and I inevitably end up chickening out of posting again.</p><p></p><p>I know this sounds a bit stupid since it was so long ago but my father's heart attack when I was 14 had a big infulence on my life. He died in a field in France whilst we were on a family holiday there whilst out horse riding. The guy leading the ride and I resusictated him and kept him alive and stable until the ambulance crew arrived. Then when we went back to the stables to go on t the hospital we had to send the the french rider back to the field to find out which hospital he was going to. He came back saying that my father had had a second heart attack (whilst unconcous) and had died. I had to translate this for my mother and of course our world fell apart. I was snt back to the UK to finish my education (we were living in Andorra) at the end of the next term and my mother and sister followed about a year later. </p><p></p><p>It changed everything and I think that without him around I had a lack of self control which led to my being overweight and ultimately my diabetes. This may sound like I am blaming others for my faults but as a young lad with a lot of issues I missed out on his way of helping me sort my issues out. He would have put an arm around me at the right time and told me to buck my ideas up at the right time (something I apparently ended up doing for my sister instead). </p><p></p><p>I know it may seem like I had willpower in losing weight but I don't think I have I just think I am stubborn. When everyone looked at me like I was a lazy good for nothing sod for letting myself go to the point of being diagnosed with diabetes I think it inspired me to show them. I felt like the doctor & to a lesser extent the nurse had written me off as a rdrain on resources who was only going to get worse (I can't remember the number of times I was told that metformin was the first step and that I would ultimately be on insulin all the time). I firstly wanted to make them all see I was not just a statistic and secondly as I have seen sugerless sue put it so elequently I wanted to die with my feet on!</p><p></p><p>I love every day with my daughter and feel like I would do anything to extend those days as much as possible (she is 9 months now and so cute). This just doesn't fit with my eating when I know I don't need it and despite my conciously telling myself what I am doing even as I put the food in my mouth.</p><p></p><p>I am desperate to stop myself from self destruction on one hand but on the other am able to keep up the destructive behaviour whilst in full knowledge of what I am doing to myself.</p><p></p><p>I probably need a professional opion of my issues but, when I can get past my feelings when reading similar stories to my own, i does help just to write them down!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="iph888, post: 75866, member: 15126"] Hi again, Thanks again to everyone for all the kind messages I have been reading them but some of the stories are so close to home (sandymaynard, aadrgon, eliminator, et al) it makes it difficult for me to think about it and I inevitably end up chickening out of posting again. I know this sounds a bit stupid since it was so long ago but my father's heart attack when I was 14 had a big infulence on my life. He died in a field in France whilst we were on a family holiday there whilst out horse riding. The guy leading the ride and I resusictated him and kept him alive and stable until the ambulance crew arrived. Then when we went back to the stables to go on t the hospital we had to send the the french rider back to the field to find out which hospital he was going to. He came back saying that my father had had a second heart attack (whilst unconcous) and had died. I had to translate this for my mother and of course our world fell apart. I was snt back to the UK to finish my education (we were living in Andorra) at the end of the next term and my mother and sister followed about a year later. It changed everything and I think that without him around I had a lack of self control which led to my being overweight and ultimately my diabetes. This may sound like I am blaming others for my faults but as a young lad with a lot of issues I missed out on his way of helping me sort my issues out. He would have put an arm around me at the right time and told me to buck my ideas up at the right time (something I apparently ended up doing for my sister instead). I know it may seem like I had willpower in losing weight but I don't think I have I just think I am stubborn. When everyone looked at me like I was a lazy good for nothing sod for letting myself go to the point of being diagnosed with diabetes I think it inspired me to show them. I felt like the doctor & to a lesser extent the nurse had written me off as a rdrain on resources who was only going to get worse (I can't remember the number of times I was told that metformin was the first step and that I would ultimately be on insulin all the time). I firstly wanted to make them all see I was not just a statistic and secondly as I have seen sugerless sue put it so elequently I wanted to die with my feet on! I love every day with my daughter and feel like I would do anything to extend those days as much as possible (she is 9 months now and so cute). This just doesn't fit with my eating when I know I don't need it and despite my conciously telling myself what I am doing even as I put the food in my mouth. I am desperate to stop myself from self destruction on one hand but on the other am able to keep up the destructive behaviour whilst in full knowledge of what I am doing to myself. I probably need a professional opion of my issues but, when I can get past my feelings when reading similar stories to my own, i does help just to write them down! [/QUOTE]
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