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Unsupportive relatives

R

Roxanne

Active Member
Messages
44
Type of diabetes
Type 2
Treatment type
Tablets (oral)
Do you have any family members (or friends even) that aren't very supportive?

My mum comes round every other day to see the kids and always brings treats for them, chocolate or crisps etc.. She knows that I'm trying to be strict because I'm trying to keep my BG readings under control and lose lots of weight, but she still says stuff like "Ooh go on, just a little bit won't hurt!" :evil:
Ok, a little bit may not hurt now and then, but I know (and she knows) that if I start I won't be able to stop.

She kind of acts like I'm being silly and making a big deal about nothing, the other day I got my meter out to test and she said "Tsk, you're obsessed with that!", like it's something I've chosen to do!

It's very annoying, anyone else have the same problem?
 
No thanks heavens, but if my mother did that, I'd tell her not too. Don't put up with it, she has to understand that it's important and that you are serious.
 
I think that you need to have it out with your mother. This is a serious matter. You have a real disease that needs to be controlled, and she can't just poo-poo it. She is showing you tremendous disrespect, and she is making it hard for you to be a good mother.

Now if your mother is baby-sitting your kids or you are otherwise dependent on her, then that will change what I say. If not, then there are various ways you handle the situation. You could simply give her hell, either on the phone or in person, and see how that works. If showing up with treats means that she is going to face some serious unpleasantness, then she may stop doing it. Or you could tell her that she will not be welcome if she shows up with treats, and that you won't let her in. Or, the next time she shows up with treats, you could grab them from her, throw them on the floor and stomp on them, or you could mash them up with your hands and then flush them down the toilet. I know that these solutions sound extreme, but it sounds to me like extreme action is needed.

I assume, of course, that you have already taken the first course of action, which is to explain to her your health problem and telling her nicely not to bring treats.

At the very least, you should take the sweets from your mother when she arrives and put them on a high shelf (and then toss them out later, or give them back to her when she is leaving). You can't allow her to feed them to your kids. They are your kids, and you are in charge of their diet, not your mother. Let me add that you are doing your kids a great favor by improving their diet, and your mother is thwarting that.

My advice, as I said, is a little extreme, but I didn't have a good relationship with my mother, and I would have had no problem taking my own advice. Perhaps it's not possible in your circumstances.

Let me add that I have an authoritarian streak in my nature, and I would have had no problem laying down the law to my mother in such a way that it would have stopped her cold. If you don't have that in your nature, it will be more difficult.
 
Thankfully I don't have that problem.

However, I assume that there are no other diabetics in the family and your mother has no experience of dealing with it. Could it be that she is ignorant to the seriousness of diabetes? Would she may be a bit more understanding and supportive if she knew more about the condition, the effects of mis management etc. Maybe you could show her some of the information on this website and forum and, if she was a bit more educated in it, then she might realise the error of her ways.

I have only recently been diagnosed but I was shocked at the ignorance of other people. The amount of colleagues and friends who said to me "oh that means you'll be able to eat loads of mars bars-that's what diabetics eat isn't it?" Only after I explained the reason for eating mars bars (hypos etc) did they understand that what they had said was utter rubbish.

I know it's only a suggestion but it sounds to me like anything is worth a try. This is the time when you need the support of your family and it would be a shame if your relationship with your mother deteriorated unnecessarily. Do you get on well with her in other ways?

Good luck and hope it all works out well for you.
 
My mother in law was a bit like that. Always trying to get me to eat pudding etc and loading my plate with loads of carbs. Father in law is diabetic, so you'd think she would have known better :roll:

I printed out a load of info for her and father in law to read. Things have changed for the better :D They are still not brilliant but she is trying her best.

Would your Mum read info if you gave it to her? Do you think that might persuade her?
 
My family have been very supportive. My mother and one of my siblings had their blood sugar checked to be on the safe side and they are fine. My other 2 siblings are not interested in anything beyond the end of their own noses. My daughter also had her blood sugar checked (also fine) and her doctor will now routinely do a blood sugar test every year when she gets her thyroid levels checked to see if her thyroid antibodies have started to kill her thyroid.

My mother does however rather think that diabetes is like a cold and will go away and was very disappointed to find that outings for cream teas etc when she visits are no longer on the menu.
 
Caleb, don't get me wrong, I don't mind my kids having a treat occasionally but I don't want them to have junk food all the time as that's how I've become so overweight etc, and in a way I guess I blame my mum for giving me whatever I asked for to eat when I was younger. I was never taight when enough is enough, if that makes sense.. I have no problem with saying no to the kids having the stuff she brings round, I just subtley shove it in a cupboard then get rid of it later. The problem is that she tries persuading me to eat it, and I have very little willpower.

Luckily my husband is very supportive and has even joined me on my diet which helps alot :)

I think I will try explaining the illness to her in more detail as she obviously doesn't know how serious it can be. I don't think people realise how many complications there are. Until I was diagnosed I didn't really understand how important this stuff is either.
 
Sorry caleb, think you're over the top this time (but thanks for your info on another thread!) Roxanne, I get this as well, from my wife to a degree! But it's our illness and we can't expect others to understand it. We can try, but parents in particular aren't always as switched on as us. It's not malicious, they don't get it. Just have to have a thick skin and ignore it. The alternative is to protest too much as Shakespeare said. Can try the educating route, but don't flog a dead horse
 
My parents try and be supportive but dont really understand it. Luckily my area runs a living with diabetes course for newly diagonosed, and you can take someone along with you. Am taking my step dad (as he is sort of person to remember what is said), once its finished both of us can hopefuly help rest of family to understand. You could see if anything similar is run in your area.
 
I've concluded that my response was over the top. My mother and I didn't have a good relationship, and I guess that shows.

Trying to educate your mother sounds like the best route. Also, you might print out this thread and show it to her. It might make her realize how serious you are about this, and that she needs to be supportive.

Sorry again. Not everyone wants to throw their mother under a bus.
 
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