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Type 1 Diabetes
Unsupportive Spouse
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<blockquote data-quote="pooface" data-source="post: 2002333" data-attributes="member: 430386"><p>I found your - quite heart rending - post through a google search, as I - unfortunately - find myself in a similar position.</p><p></p><p>My partner of 16 years is not abusive generally, though she has been. Her behaviour is more irritation, sighing, rolling eyes and obstruction to my trying to eat healthily and do things that will help me keep my condition under control. She constantly complains about my trying to eat healthy meals, saying that my eating something different to her costs us more money. She is forever throwing temptation in my way, trying - quite persuasively - to get me to eat takeout or junk food when I have a hard enough time resisting eating treats as it is. she will also often do whatever she can to exclude me from events, outings and activities with my daughter, rather than give a little in terms of making allowances for my condition; I understand that it is a grave inconvenience for her, but I don't think it is too much to ask to compromise a little or to adjust things a little so that I can try to live a healthy life AND still be part of my family...</p><p></p><p>Whenever I have a high or a low, she uses this as an excuse to berate / put me down in one form or another; she can be very sly in this way. She also often uses my diabetes as a way of marginalising my opinion and relegating me, my thoughts and opinions to second-rate status. Anything she disagrees with is often dismissed with a: "your blood sugar is just high or low"; as if nothing I say or feel could possibly matter.</p><p></p><p>I was diagnosed about 18 months ago and initially, the novelty of having to test my blood sugar level kept her interested, but knowing her as I do - you don't spend 16 years with someone without getting to know them pretty well - I knew that her patience would wear thin when the novelty wore off. Sure enough, this is exactly what happened.</p><p></p><p>I was very unwell most of last year and became acutely aware of just how serious diabetes can be. Despite this - and my fervent attempts to keep myself on a strict course (which I've done well on, for the most part), I have met with nothing but arguments, obstruction and - very often - out and out rudeness. Part of me wishes that if she finds my condition and my efforts to control it such a pain, she would just leave; I do actually feel that life would be easier both for my daughter and I at this point. </p><p></p><p>It is shocking to me that my 8 year old daughter has been so supportive and understanding. I DO manage to attend most of her events, school open days etc but she is very understanding when I am unable to. I put this down to the inclusive attitudes now being taught at school in her age group. </p><p></p><p>I was shocked to see people mention the word "abuse" when replying to your post; I had never thought of it that way before, but with a little soul-searching, I realise that if I were to behave that way towards someone with an illness, I would consider myself abusive (I never would, but putting myself in those shoes if only for a second is an important way to get a feel for how someone else might be impacted, I think).</p><p></p><p>I don't know what the way forward is for you as I don't know what the way forward is for me. What I DO know however - with a degree of certainty - is that real love doesn't judge or treat illness as an excuse to behave badly and that we both - and this goes for anyone in our shoes - deserve to be treated better.</p><p></p><p>I hope that your situation improves and that your husband begins to treat you better.</p><p></p><p>All the best.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pooface, post: 2002333, member: 430386"] I found your - quite heart rending - post through a google search, as I - unfortunately - find myself in a similar position. My partner of 16 years is not abusive generally, though she has been. Her behaviour is more irritation, sighing, rolling eyes and obstruction to my trying to eat healthily and do things that will help me keep my condition under control. She constantly complains about my trying to eat healthy meals, saying that my eating something different to her costs us more money. She is forever throwing temptation in my way, trying - quite persuasively - to get me to eat takeout or junk food when I have a hard enough time resisting eating treats as it is. she will also often do whatever she can to exclude me from events, outings and activities with my daughter, rather than give a little in terms of making allowances for my condition; I understand that it is a grave inconvenience for her, but I don't think it is too much to ask to compromise a little or to adjust things a little so that I can try to live a healthy life AND still be part of my family... Whenever I have a high or a low, she uses this as an excuse to berate / put me down in one form or another; she can be very sly in this way. She also often uses my diabetes as a way of marginalising my opinion and relegating me, my thoughts and opinions to second-rate status. Anything she disagrees with is often dismissed with a: "your blood sugar is just high or low"; as if nothing I say or feel could possibly matter. I was diagnosed about 18 months ago and initially, the novelty of having to test my blood sugar level kept her interested, but knowing her as I do - you don't spend 16 years with someone without getting to know them pretty well - I knew that her patience would wear thin when the novelty wore off. Sure enough, this is exactly what happened. I was very unwell most of last year and became acutely aware of just how serious diabetes can be. Despite this - and my fervent attempts to keep myself on a strict course (which I've done well on, for the most part), I have met with nothing but arguments, obstruction and - very often - out and out rudeness. Part of me wishes that if she finds my condition and my efforts to control it such a pain, she would just leave; I do actually feel that life would be easier both for my daughter and I at this point. It is shocking to me that my 8 year old daughter has been so supportive and understanding. I DO manage to attend most of her events, school open days etc but she is very understanding when I am unable to. I put this down to the inclusive attitudes now being taught at school in her age group. I was shocked to see people mention the word "abuse" when replying to your post; I had never thought of it that way before, but with a little soul-searching, I realise that if I were to behave that way towards someone with an illness, I would consider myself abusive (I never would, but putting myself in those shoes if only for a second is an important way to get a feel for how someone else might be impacted, I think). I don't know what the way forward is for you as I don't know what the way forward is for me. What I DO know however - with a degree of certainty - is that real love doesn't judge or treat illness as an excuse to behave badly and that we both - and this goes for anyone in our shoes - deserve to be treated better. I hope that your situation improves and that your husband begins to treat you better. All the best. [/QUOTE]
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