Hi Desperate for help
I'm really glad you've written in to the forum. It's nice to have you on the board.
It sounds like you've got to the point where you really are desperate for some change in your situation. I think there are definitely ways to improve how you're feeling and to get better control of your diabetes.
How is the chart going? Are you finding it is helping in any way?
From your post, it sounds like you have had a massive amount to deal with: chronic illness from a young age, health problems, bereavement and perhaps other things you allude to that happened when you were younger.
Maybe the way you are feeling in general is having an effect on your diabetes control. If you could feel better about things in general, you might feel better about caring for yourself and overcoming your hurdles with diabetes.
From your post, it sounds like you are a very psychologically-minded person. You are able to make connections between how you are feeling, your actions and things that have happened to you. This is a good thing as it means you would probably get a lot of benefit from doing some work with a psychologist, psychotherapist or counsellor.
As Katharine said, you could start by phoning your DSN to ask if there is a psychologist/therapist attached to their unit. You might need to be up-front in your request and say you specifically want to see a psychologist/counsellor as the DSN's are not mind-readers.
Alternatively you could go and talk to your GP or print out this thread and show it to your GP or post it (if you feel embarrassed) about talking. Your GP could either refer you or point you in the direction of good counselling/therapy service.
A third alternative would be to look for a private therapy/counselling service in your area. If money is an issue you could look for counselling that is low-cost.
Let us know how it goes.
Goji