Grief and managing type 1

[Juicyj]

I recently lost my step dad and have struggled massively with my type 1, from not checking levels, not taking insulin when I should to eating whatever is easiest. It's been a really hard couple of weeks. I know i'll get back in the driving seat again but wanted to find out how others have coped with their type 1 when life takes over ? (not helped by the fact of having my HbA1c come back as one of the highest i've had in 2 years either..)

 

[NicoleC1971]

I am sorry to hear about your loss but think your post is helpful in that it shows that you're aware you're in the middle of the forest but will come out into the light eventually.
Diabetes must just be a burden. I know some see it as such at ALL times but it seems most of us automatically look after ourselves because we always have. Now you are in a strange land and nothing is normal now.
All I can compare it to in my case is feeling depressed and alternating between anger and guilt about having to do this tedious extra stuff of diabetes. I noticed I felt much rougher for not doing it and then got a horrible hba1c too which triggered me to cut out the worst habits (baking too much) and start better ones up again (regular exercise/less social media). My depression was trivial compared to what you may be going through so for now it might just be about holding onto the hope that you will feel better/differently soon.

 

[Juicyj]

Thanks Nicole, it's swept me off my feet a bit in regards to taking care of myself, my behaviour has been fairly careless in regards to maintaining my t1, I guess it is a form of depression though and I know it will pass but has just crept up on me and taken me a bit by surprise, I have tried to keep running and it has helped but have found that with my head full of stuff it's been harder to find the time/space to exercise. I had 2 massive hypos yesterday low 2's which threw me as I had earlier chucked loads of insulin onto a high then forgot to monitor it, so that knocked me for 6, like I said slightly careless behaviour so hoping it eases soon.

 

[Lakeslover]

I just had to reply to you although I am type 2 not type 1 as I have been through similar grief.

my husband died 7 years ago when I was 52, and for a couple of weeks afterwards I was also pretty incapable of functioning, eating whatever I wanted, or not eating at all, not taking my medicine, drinking too much. One day for no apparent reason a little voice popped up in my head pointing out that that was not what my husband would have wanted for me. So I reached out to a forum for help, and slowly started to take control again.

everyone grieves differently and only time will teach you how to come through.

it’s not easy, and it will take time, but you can come through this and find a better place. You’ve already taken the first step by telling us all what has been happening and reaching out for help. So keep relying on people here to support you. Find a good friend or family member you can talk to and share happy memories of the man you have lost. Remember he would want you to be well.

 

[Antje77]

I'm so sorry for your loss, @Juicyj .
No advice from me, I just wanted to send you lots of hugs.

I hope you'll be able to start picking yourself up shortly, slowly reassemble the broken pieces.
That's how it felt to me, the last time I had a big grief, I just was lucky it didn't seem to affect my diabetes care much, although it did mean some other aspects os self care and being an adult in general went out the window for a while.

 

[Jaylee]

Hi @Juicyj ,

Sorry for your loss.

I can easily take my eye off the ball.. Dodgy BGs are half the battle for me regarding a bereavement.
Regaining stability in that department certainly clears the head.

But at the end of the day it's a natural human response.

Take it steady with those lows.

Best wishes..

 

[Hopeful34]

Hi @Juicyj I'm so sorry for your loss. I muddled through with diabetes care for a while after my last bereavement. My control wasn't as good as normal, but I did the best I could in the circumstances, and that would be my advice to you. Stress pushes levels up, as you know, and I comfort ate at times, and certainly didn't have a balanced diet for a while.

It takes time to adjust after a bereavement, so be kind to yourself, and take a day, or an hour at a time. I hope you've got support from family and friends.

 

[Rachox]

So sorry to hear your news and your struggles @Juicyj . I can’t relate to type 1 control but when my Dad died eighteen months ago my problem was comfort eating, albeit low carb but it resulted me in putting back on some of the weight I lost when I was first diagnosed type 2. I sought help in counselling from Cruse, just having someone to talk to who wasn’t directly affected by my dad’s death helped. Then one day it dawned on me that Dad who’d been so pleased when I managed to lose so much weight would be so disappointed that I’d put some of it back on, I resolved to lose it again. I know everyone is different in the ways they cope with grief, I just thought it might be helpful to you to say how I got through it xx

 

[Goonergal]

So sorry to hear of your loss @Juicyj

No advice to offer, just sending positive thoughts.

 

[Lamont D]

So sorry for your loss!
My FiL, died Boxing day morning, and the wife is struggling!

I wish I could help more, but as with diabetes, we all have a different approach and treatment!
I will say, your health is important, and I believe you know it, and not being in control is the last thing you need at this time!

Talking about your situation with your health team, is a good nominal step! And the more steps means the journey has started to recovery! But it will take time!

Keep safe, keep talking!

 

[AndBreathe]

Oh, @Juicyj I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. These are tough days.

I know it sounds crass, but the depth of our grief reflects the depth of love and respect we felt for the person we have lost. He was lucky to have been so loved.

Be kind to yourself. Now isn't the time for self flagellation or recrimination. Just get by as you can in these harsh, hard days, but do try to stay safe.

Take care JJ.

 

[KK123]

I recently lost my step dad and have struggled massively with my type 1, from not checking levels, not taking insulin when I should to eating whatever is easiest. It's been a really hard couple of weeks. I know i'll get back in the driving seat again but wanted to find out how others have coped with their type 1 when life takes over ? (not helped by the fact of having my HbA1c come back as one of the highest i've had in 2 years either..)

Hi Juicy, oh yes, there must be many of us who have felt the same way following a bereavement especially. You get to thinking oh, what's the point in bothering about diabetes when you're in that grieving stage. When my Mum died I stopped eating for a while other than the odd snack, I simply couldn't be bothered to expend any extra energy into the never ending toil of diabetes. The problem is you have no choice do you especially as an insulin user, you'll end up getting ill yourself and then things get worse for the rest of your family. I have no words of wisdom, sorry, but I am thinking of you and know you will eventually start to get better. Don't be too hard on yourself in the meantime, you are only human. x

 

[JaneC]

Hi Juicy,
Reading your post reminds me of a year ago when my lovely, fit mother died three months after her cancer diagnosis and I was absolutely upended by grief and trying to manage type 1 on top of it seemed just impossible and it was. The surges of grief, hormones whatever made me spin in a way I've never had to cope with in 37 years since diagnosis. A friend gave me the cliched yet totally appropriate advice of just be kind to yourself and take each day as it comes. Grief is a kind of madness but a year on I can say that it gets easier and so will managing the never ending task of being type 1. I'd like to give more help but I so understand what you're going through and you will manage it soon. Big hug to you. X

 

[lucylocket61]

I recently lost my step dad and have struggled massively with my type 1, from not checking levels, not taking insulin when I should to eating whatever is easiest. It's been a really hard couple of weeks. I know i'll get back in the driving seat again but wanted to find out how others have coped with their type 1 when life takes over ? (not helped by the fact of having my HbA1c come back as one of the highest i've had in 2 years either..)

I am very sorry for your loss xxx

 

[MrsMoo325]

Juicyj, I am sorry to hear about your loss. Bereavement can be devastating to deal with and adding in trying to cope with type 1 just makes it so much more difficult. The best advice I got was to take things one day at a time and looking back it did help. Don’t beat yourself up over a non perfect HbA1c, that is just evidence of what you are dealing with. Start with some small steps such as checking your levels a few times, trying to have at least one healthy meal a day etc. It sounds such a cliche too but please be kind to yourself, you are going through a huge life changing event. Don’t be too harsh on yourself, having a few lows after treating a high is not careless, it’s just what can happen with type 1 when we are busy, distracted, getting on with life and haven’t got the time or inclination to check our levels every few minutes!! Sending hugs x

 

[Pipp]

So sorry for your grief at your loss of step dad, @Juicyj .
Bereavement can knock you sideways physically and emotionally. I can’t offer insight from T1 perspective, sorry if I am intruding, but as a respected former colleague / friend, just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you, and hoping you will soon be able to get back on track with your T1 management.